Dec 14, 2004 18:13
Awwwh man everything is soo fucked up!!!! Last night Franny came over... I thought 'well I cant keep making up excuses for him not to come over' so he came.... we arsed around for a while, play fightin n stuff, it was fun, i was glad we were still friends. But later we tired out kinda, and lay down, we ended up cuddling, that was ok, friends do that right? Whilst I was cuddling him tears started to come down my face, they way I was facing he couldn't see my face anyway... I just couldn't help it! I felt sooo bad :-( it was terrible! We cuddled more, but he kissed me... I didn't want it to happen... but I couldn't stop myself either or tell him not to... tears fell down my face even more :-( :-( I really felt soooosoooo bad! :-(
This is just so wierd... I mean when I'm at home, or with friends other than Franny I really know that I don't want out with him, but when I'm with him its totally different! It's like, when he's with his friends, or just whenever other people are around he kinda acts different, like he likes to show off, and act stupid, but when its just me and him he's sooo nice! I really like him then!!! Its REALLY annoying!!! I don't know whats best to do? I mean if I go out with him... when I'm actually with him it feels right, but when I'm away from him like now - I just don't want him to be there. Sometimes at night when I think about it I really do miss him, and have to think. I mean he really loves me, the only guy ever to have loved me soo much! Yet I can't love him back.
It sucks. He was going to come up again tonight, but I'm kind of hopeing he doesn't show up... I dunno what to do, maybe I should just say I need time away from him for a while... I dunno :-(
Now Stacy is really depressed too :-( it sucks! I just wish she was feeling better, becoz I'm not and I can't seem to make her happy. :-( this is shite.
So close to christmas, no Franny, nothing. Just wish it would all go away. I know only I can sort this out, Franny must think we are going back out... well not really... but... er, I should never have kissed him last night! I could shoot myself for that. That was one big stupid mistake.