POLICE BLOTTER
One of my favorite things in the Star Tribune ((Mpls Newspaper)) is a small occurrence printed on a tiny portion of the West-Metro section.
It only blesses me with it's presence on Wednesdays but fills me with so little hope for humanity!
It also makes me laugh my ass off.
The title speaks for itself.
Just a few selected gems of what the criminals are up to in the cities and surrounding suburbs.
I should have been more proactive in the past and cut the good ones out so I wouldn't be attempting to scratch them out of my dusty brain, but here is by far the best one I ever read:
"Animal Complaint:
Man calls police to report a belligerent squirrel at the end of his dock prohibiting him from gaining access to his boat.
While the man told officers he knew they couldn't do anything about it, he just wanted them to know what kind of squirrels they had running around the neighborhood."
That's almost as good as the time some guy called the cops to report someone had stolen all the beer out of his garage.
Can we say hard-core alchy?