I AM ROBOX
Can't sleep.....
...need day off
I am robot.
Today I got a VM from an internet aquiantance who runs a winery tour guide business here in MN.
He asked if I would photograph his tour group on the 14th.
Some out-of-towners who plan on tying the knot her in the Land-o-10,000 Lakes.
Opportunity to make money selling prints to the peeps too.
Asked if I was interesting in bartending at the wedding too.
I disenchantingly told him the only drinks I know how to make don't exist in the BIG BOOK OF BOOZE
((in otherwords..drinks myself or friends have created such as:))
"THE PANTIE-DROPPER" a nauseatingly sweet concocction involving Cachaça, aguave nectar a shitload of other things I can't remember. All topped off with crystalized mint leaves as garnish at he bottom of the glass.
OR
"THE CAPTAIN BLORGAN" a drink I do not recommend to anyone who is not on death row which involves mixing the now extinct Pepsi Blue and that putrid "rum" they call Capt. Morgan. This drink not only looks and smells like toilet water, it sort of tasted as I imagine a urine cake would and was only concoccted once by ilona and I when we were still jailbait, desperate and obviously berefit of any standards whatsoever!
"That's okay," he told me, "We are only selling beer or wine so that shouldn't be a problem!"
"Well fucking count me in fo' sho!" I gushed. "That's just one of the many vocations I always wanted to try (...once.)"
ALSO, STRAIGHT TO YOU FROM DESTINATION STRANGEVILE:
Ran into my BFF from Kindergarden!!!
I was hoping she wouldn't recognize me as I had been sweating like a displaced Haitian in a coal mine and was totally without make-up.
Normally I am not one of those girls but due to a certain skin condition, if I don't have foundation on I resemble an angry baked lobster..or an extra horny Santa CLause with my rosy red cheeks! ((Ugh, horny and Santa do not ever belong in a sentence together!))Since I was buying delicious Trader Joe Adult Beverages she checked my identification as my gaze wandered elsewhere.
"OMG!"
"Wow! Hey Britta! How the hell have you been!?
"Good, good...been a l o n g time..."
"Of course you see me after my 3, 678 hour shift and with out any makeup!"
"So where did you move to after you left anyway?"
"You know..." I said desperately trying to get my sleep-deprived brain to work, "I actually can't remember."
After approximately 3 seconds of pondering the possibility I might indeed have early on-onslaught dementia I scontinued, "Yeah, there was a lot of moving around for me throughout those years."
"I was so sad when you left!"
"Not as sad as I... that was the only school I went to that I have the fondest memories of.I can't believe we haven't seen each other since KINDERGARDEN!!!" But now that I think of it she and I both celebrated my 8th birthday and had identically terribly bad perms.
Anyway we vowed to hang out real soon since we are in the same hood and all.
I can still remember her adorable little kid self.
She was such a fuckin cutie!
and out of all the memories I've mostly forgotten, I will always remember our friendship, our laughs....etc.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
TODAY I LEARNED:
A womans vaginal canal can be 3-7 inches long.
You learn something new every day, right?