(no subject)
I feel like I am far too sane lately. I need to change my perspective, the way I view everything. It's feeling far too concrete. I'm in need of more abstracts and more paradoxes.
I realized monday night, while tramping through the woods at night, that I'm not living in tune with myself. I'm not connecting to the world around me and to myself in a way that is fit for my nature.
I'm living very much on the surface. Not feeling things deeply enough. Not immersing myself in my environment. Not truly becoming each environment that I enter.
I've lost touch of daily spirituality. And connecting with natural elements. And connecting with patterns. And connecting with sources.
I'm starting to feel sterile.
Summer will change this for me. Or so I hope. I need my summer to be like a rite of passage or a vison quest. I think that is something deeply missing from our culture: we have no deep rites of passage. We just transition and define ourselves by these stupid meaningless accomplishments like graduating high school, graduating college, or entering into our first job. Or even worse we define ourselves simply by numbers. I will never define myself by what age I am at.
I should go away, leave my life behind, and not return until I am able to see everything for what it really is. For what I make it out to be. I should go away and not return until I will have a whole new slant on reality. I'm sick of feeling everything on the surface, all cold and sterile. There's so much more out there and I get so angry at myself when I lose sight of it and stop feeling it. Fuckin shithole society. Breeds us to all be cold little sterile fucks. I loathe that.
I'm not cold inside though. Nor am I sterile. I'm very much warm and alive. I just need to reconnect with that.
I realized monday night, while tramping through the woods at night, that I'm not living in tune with myself. I'm not connecting to the world around me and to myself in a way that is fit for my nature.
I'm living very much on the surface. Not feeling things deeply enough. Not immersing myself in my environment. Not truly becoming each environment that I enter.
I've lost touch of daily spirituality. And connecting with natural elements. And connecting with patterns. And connecting with sources.
I'm starting to feel sterile.
Summer will change this for me. Or so I hope. I need my summer to be like a rite of passage or a vison quest. I think that is something deeply missing from our culture: we have no deep rites of passage. We just transition and define ourselves by these stupid meaningless accomplishments like graduating high school, graduating college, or entering into our first job. Or even worse we define ourselves simply by numbers. I will never define myself by what age I am at.
I should go away, leave my life behind, and not return until I am able to see everything for what it really is. For what I make it out to be. I should go away and not return until I will have a whole new slant on reality. I'm sick of feeling everything on the surface, all cold and sterile. There's so much more out there and I get so angry at myself when I lose sight of it and stop feeling it. Fuckin shithole society. Breeds us to all be cold little sterile fucks. I loathe that.
I'm not cold inside though. Nor am I sterile. I'm very much warm and alive. I just need to reconnect with that.