3 weeks tomorrow....ed/life etc
3 weeks tomorrow and i will be getting married!
i am nervous but excited as i know kevs the man i want to spend my life with.
things have been difficult, i have gained lots of weight, 37.2kg ... i have 3 weeks to make it to 40kg but i am so scared that i will look awful and even more repulsive and fat. dont get me wrong logically i know 40kg is still low but going from 27 to 40 is a long jump and take last night for example i had just had enough and i broke down in the middle of the floor pulling my hair out rocking banging my head on the floor because i just COULDNT COPE! Kev took my hands and removed the chunks of hair i had pulled out he held me and just let me cry and sob for an hour over everything. My eating is blugh, im pretty much back to eating nothing and the feed is doing it for me, some days i do have 30cals of small cocktail prawns but it is so easy to just not eat as kev goes to work at 8 til 5 and no i dont lie to him if he asks i tell him sadly that no food hasnt been on the list today.
Ive been busy, as per usual but it helps sometimes, im just a little worn out.
mams throwing me a hen party next weekend, it should be soooo much fun, my sisters, auntie and 2 cousins will be there, im not going out as tbh i just cba so it was her idea to have a party at her house...that will involve food but i will take some prawns and maybe be brave enough to try some chicken i dont know yet.
Im on about 25 lax a day, they do fuck all as i dont eat lol but still i feel like i need to take them.
I have my sister coming over soon she is staying for the night, kev will be in in a couple of hours so best get a move on and make sure all is done for him coming home, i like to try be as good as possible, house warm, clean, tidy, bath ran, drink for him when he comes out from bath.. then chloe and him will order a take out. i dont feel like eating but idk kev gets so worried when i dont so even if i have few prawns and pickled onions...but i need a smoke now.
dear god, please dont make me look so big at 40kg its a BMI of 15, but i never look my weight so im going to look huge and im so scared.....
i am nervous but excited as i know kevs the man i want to spend my life with.
things have been difficult, i have gained lots of weight, 37.2kg ... i have 3 weeks to make it to 40kg but i am so scared that i will look awful and even more repulsive and fat. dont get me wrong logically i know 40kg is still low but going from 27 to 40 is a long jump and take last night for example i had just had enough and i broke down in the middle of the floor pulling my hair out rocking banging my head on the floor because i just COULDNT COPE! Kev took my hands and removed the chunks of hair i had pulled out he held me and just let me cry and sob for an hour over everything. My eating is blugh, im pretty much back to eating nothing and the feed is doing it for me, some days i do have 30cals of small cocktail prawns but it is so easy to just not eat as kev goes to work at 8 til 5 and no i dont lie to him if he asks i tell him sadly that no food hasnt been on the list today.
Ive been busy, as per usual but it helps sometimes, im just a little worn out.
mams throwing me a hen party next weekend, it should be soooo much fun, my sisters, auntie and 2 cousins will be there, im not going out as tbh i just cba so it was her idea to have a party at her house...that will involve food but i will take some prawns and maybe be brave enough to try some chicken i dont know yet.
Im on about 25 lax a day, they do fuck all as i dont eat lol but still i feel like i need to take them.
I have my sister coming over soon she is staying for the night, kev will be in in a couple of hours so best get a move on and make sure all is done for him coming home, i like to try be as good as possible, house warm, clean, tidy, bath ran, drink for him when he comes out from bath.. then chloe and him will order a take out. i dont feel like eating but idk kev gets so worried when i dont so even if i have few prawns and pickled onions...but i need a smoke now.
dear god, please dont make me look so big at 40kg its a BMI of 15, but i never look my weight so im going to look huge and im so scared.....