(seventeen); nightmares, episode five
There aren't many things around her, but somehow, she knows where she is. There's white and walls and for some reason she feels a sense of discomfort, something looming and dangerous that makes her tense. She reaches out her tiny hands for her mother and grabs her shirt, goes to step closer, but the anxious feeling is getting worse, and when the world shakes violently for a second, she tugs her mother's shirt and tries to move closer closer closer, she's so scared and she doesn't want to lose her-
Anita slaps her hands away and pushes her back.
She stumbles, numb with shock, and watches as Tony leaves. He doesn't run like he should - he walks, deliberate, and she can see the door in the distance.
She can see all of them. She watches all of them turn and ignore her, act as if she's some insignificant little thing- or worse, as if she doesn't even exist, and Nena is running but then it's Cross and Anita, walking side-by-side with the others towards that door that she just can't reach, Kaworu walking away with his slow stride, all of them waiting while Kamina joins them, waiting for him and him and not her and she wants to see their faces more than anything, she wants to just scream look at me look at me and have them realise she's right there, maybe they just don't know, maybe it's not her fault it's not her fault they're not leaving her they're just- but no, she can only see their backs getting smaller and smaller and smaller, and she suddenly realises that she's crying and she screams but there's no sound, and she becomes aware that the world is still crumbling and they're just leaving her here all over again, she sees her smiling parents by the door and Yoh waiting for her but they're gone-
Cross glares at her over his shoulder and they all leave.
For the first time, she cries out when the bookcase falls, but it crushes her anyway.
(It's not the worst, but it's bad. The part of her that is self-loathing, the part that is bitter and doubtful and everything bad about her worst side is getting stronger and stronger. It wasn't that her parents were bad, it whispers, and she thinks it with more conviction than she ever has and she wants it all to go away. It's that she was bad. She was a bad daughter, and it wasn't their fault. No matter who it was, they would have left her. It was her fault, it will always be her fault. She could have had any family, and they would have left her to die. People are only humouring her.
She doesn't believe it. She doesn't want to believe it at all. But she can't help but think it.)
[VOICE]
[Minatsuki jolts awake with a short scream that breaks off with a heavy choke. She spends a while sitting there, breathless and gasping and shaking, and then she slowly gets to her feet. There's the slap of bare feet running across a concrete floor, and then-
You can still hear her retching repeatedly in the bathroom. The audio cuts out in the midst of her slow, heavy breathing echoing from the bathroom.]
( ooc; replies will ICly be an hour or two later after she's calmed down. )
Anita slaps her hands away and pushes her back.
She stumbles, numb with shock, and watches as Tony leaves. He doesn't run like he should - he walks, deliberate, and she can see the door in the distance.
She can see all of them. She watches all of them turn and ignore her, act as if she's some insignificant little thing- or worse, as if she doesn't even exist, and Nena is running but then it's Cross and Anita, walking side-by-side with the others towards that door that she just can't reach, Kaworu walking away with his slow stride, all of them waiting while Kamina joins them, waiting for him and him and not her and she wants to see their faces more than anything, she wants to just scream look at me look at me and have them realise she's right there, maybe they just don't know, maybe it's not her fault it's not her fault they're not leaving her they're just- but no, she can only see their backs getting smaller and smaller and smaller, and she suddenly realises that she's crying and she screams but there's no sound, and she becomes aware that the world is still crumbling and they're just leaving her here all over again, she sees her smiling parents by the door and Yoh waiting for her but they're gone-
Cross glares at her over his shoulder and they all leave.
For the first time, she cries out when the bookcase falls, but it crushes her anyway.
(It's not the worst, but it's bad. The part of her that is self-loathing, the part that is bitter and doubtful and everything bad about her worst side is getting stronger and stronger. It wasn't that her parents were bad, it whispers, and she thinks it with more conviction than she ever has and she wants it all to go away. It's that she was bad. She was a bad daughter, and it wasn't their fault. No matter who it was, they would have left her. It was her fault, it will always be her fault. She could have had any family, and they would have left her to die. People are only humouring her.
She doesn't believe it. She doesn't want to believe it at all. But she can't help but think it.)
[VOICE]
[Minatsuki jolts awake with a short scream that breaks off with a heavy choke. She spends a while sitting there, breathless and gasping and shaking, and then she slowly gets to her feet. There's the slap of bare feet running across a concrete floor, and then-
You can still hear her retching repeatedly in the bathroom. The audio cuts out in the midst of her slow, heavy breathing echoing from the bathroom.]
( ooc; replies will ICly be an hour or two later after she's calmed down. )