Fanfic: John Fucking A. McClane
Title: John Fucking A. McClane
Author: xxxxholiclover
Prompt: Writer's Choice
Rating: R
For Sexy_right: All new Challenge, Fic Tac Toe
------
“John Fucking A. McClane!!” Matt stormed into the room and flopped onto his lazy chair.
“…so what did my father do this time?” Lucy asked uncaring from the couch.
Matt squinted at her in a glare.
“What the hell did I do in a former life that was so bad that I got sacked with not one but two McClanes?!”
“You almost destroyed the United States in this one, who the hell knows what you did in a former life.” Lucy smirked at Matt’s half-hearted glare.
“Well whatever, the point is your dad’s an asshole!” Matt grumbled.
“Seriously what did he do this time?” Lucy asked.
“Tried to set me up with another woman, again! I keep telling him that I’m fine by myself, that I don’t want to date right now but the guy’s so freaking stubborn he just won’t listen!” Matt half shouted.
Lucy snorted unladylike. “It might also be the fact that you’re as gay as a fucking rainbow. You should just tell him already.”
“Yea and get my ass kicked? I know you said that he’d be cool with it but I don’t feel like taking the chance…what if he finds out that I’m more than half in love with him? Then I’m dead, you hear me? D.E.A.D!”
“He’s not going to kill you, hell he might even be a flattered that such a young, cute stud like you finds him hot.”
“Of course I find him hot!! Have you seen his body?! It’s built like a fucking steel truck!”
“EWW! Matt I don’t need those kinds of thoughts in my head about my dad!” Lucy smacked him with a couch pillow.
Matt laughed while fending off Lucy’s pillow assault.
“But seriously you either need to tell him the truth or find some girl to play house bunny for you until he loses interest.” Lucy said putting away the pillow.
“hmmm…maybe.” Matt said then looked intently at Lucy.
“NO! Remember we already tried that and it ended in my father almost castrating you.” Lucy smirked.
Matt winched. “Err right I remember.”
“So?” Lucy questioned.
Matt sighed loudly and slumped down on the couch.
“I don’t know Luc, he’s really stubborn about this…one of the things that I love and hate about the guy.”
Lucy nodded in agreement. She had the same problem, while she loved her dad she knew that his stubbornness was what drove people away.
The room was silent for a moment before Lucy spoke.
“If you can’t get over my dad and you’re too chickenshit to try to get with my dad then the only thing I can see where this is going is that you just not talk to my dad anymore.” Lucy said slowly.
Matt just stared at her. “You really think I can get away with ignoring John? John McClane? Seriously!? Have you met the guy?! If I did that he’d figure something was wrong and storm my apartment or something guns ablazing!”
“Maybe…” Lucy trailed off reluctantly.
“Shit no maybe about it, I’m fucked either way.” Matt moaned.
“And not in the good fun way right Farrell?”
“Fuck you and your tiny dog too.”
“……I don’t have a dog.”
“…Fuck...”
--
Matt sighed as he closed his door behind Lucy’s retreating back.
Lucy was nice and all and they had tried dating after the Firesale but it hadn’t worked out. Matt was too gay and Lucy was too…female. She’d understood though and took to him being gay like a duck to water.
The toe nail painting was a little too much for Matt though.
McClane though had somehow got the idea in his head that Matt had broken his little girl’s heart and had stormed into Matt’s apartment a week later all threatening and shit. He’d backed Matt into a wall and held him there while he whispered threats into his ear.
It had been hard for Matt to hide his massive hard-on when that happened but he managed somehow, at least enough to get McClane to call his daughter and get the truth out.
Well…maybe not the truth, not the whole truth anyway. She told McClane that she broke up with him because he wasn’t man enough for her. Butch or whatever shit she’d talked about.
It had seemed enough for McClane because the man had let him go and left.
It wasn’t long after that that McClane began to snoop around Matt’s life. You’d think that he’d want to know this stuff when Matt was dating his daughter but noooo…it was only after they broke up that McClane started to call him wanting to hang out or coming around Matt’s new apartment to watch the game.
It frankly scared Matt shitless while also having the unfortunate side-effect of turning him on all the time.
Hell Matt hadn’t been this horny since he turned 14 and discovered that the internet had free porn.
It’d been six months since Matt’s live had gotten turned upside down and spat on. The country was slowly but surely taking care of itself and going back to normal.
After the Firesale and the death of Gabriel and his goons Matt had spent several days in the hospital. Not only because his knee had been shot, which hurt like a bitch and had Matt crying later when he was alone, but because his asthma started to act up.
Through death and fire and gunshots and flying fucking cars his asthma didn’t act up much but once he was safe and secure in a hospital it fucking sent him into a hyperventilating attack that had the nurses and doctors scrambling to get air in his lungs. He was lucky they didn’t cut a hole in his throat and stick a tube in him.
Fucking Irony was a bitch and Matt sometimes really hated her.
--
“Mathew Farrell!” John’s voice yelled angrily on Matt’s phone.
Matt rolled his eyes and slumped in his computer chair, he knew that he shouldn’t have answered the phone but he found himself answering it before his brain could catch up with actions.
“Hello McClane, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?” Matt asked sarcastically.
“You damn well know why I’m calling you little fucker.” John growled deeply and Matt didn’t even try to stop the shiver of desire that flickered inside of him.
He only felt marginally guilty as he whipped out his half-hard dick out of his pants and began to stroke himself leisurely to the sounds of John’s angry growling.
“No I’m not sure if I do.” Matt said.
“You little shit.” John’s tone went from mad to resign fondness. “I got a phone call from Sandy Moore; you know the chick from the station?”
“Oh right, the one with the spilt ends.” Matt squeezed his dick tight as the thought of that date was almost enough for him to go soft.
“Yea I guess-anyway I got an angry call from her, apparently you took her to a freaking biker bar on South St. and then spent the whole time talking to her about the oozing sore on your penis.” The disbelieving amusement in John’s voice almost made Matt moan out loud.
“Is there something you want to tell me Matt?” John’s voice got soft all of a sudden and Matt’s had froze on his dick. “This is the third girl you’ve run off. If you don’t want to date those bimbos then you should have just told me.”
Matt’s breath left him quickly, he was suddenly angry at both John and himself.
“I’ve tried telling you John.” Matt spoke tensely into the phone, “Many times now. Let me clarify it for you so that you can understand, I don’t date girls, women, females, the opposite sex!”
As silence rein from the other side of the phone Matt suddenly realized what he just admitted.
“Open the door Farrell.”
The phone fell from Matt’s nerveless fingers. After a moment of staring at nothing in vague horror he quickly tucked himself back in and walked tensely to the front door of his apartment.
Opening the door he moved back as John walked in.
“I think we’ve missed a vital conversation.” John spoke in the tense silence as he got comfortable on Matt’s couch.
“Oh?” Matt tried to stay calm and appear relax but he couldn’t help the light sweat that coated his forehead or the shaking hands.
“What do you take me for kid?” John asked, he didn’t seem angry from what Matt could tell, more confused than anything, maybe a little annoyed but certainly not mad.
Matt shrugged, confused with this whole scenario. The shaking finally stopped though. He walked forward and sat on the other side of the couch, looking at how relaxed John was on his couch and he damned himself as he felt another shiver of desire course through him.
Damn, McClane just had to sit there and Matt got a stiff for him, this attraction he had for the older man was seriously powerful.
“I mean I know I’m old and all but just because I was born decades ago doesn’t mean I’m an asshole.”
Matt just raised a eyebrow at that confession. John stared back at him before sighing, “Okay I am an asshole, doesn’t mean I’m a bigot.”
“I’m sorry but you lost me here, what are we talking about?” Matt asked confused as all hell.
“About how you like dicks instead of cunts, try to keep up kid.” John let out an amused sigh.
Matt froze on his side of the couch, a small whine crawled out of his throat and he swore that his heart had stopped.
John’s amusement faded and a look of concern shined from his eyes.
“Shit kid did you really think I would have judged you? Especially since I’ve been courting you for weeks now.”
“Wha-?” Matt’s never been this speechless, not even when he had been on the morphine.
John smirked and reached over and hauled Matt by his shirt until he was straddling John’s lap.
“I set you up on those dates mostly to see if you’d finally get sick enough of me meddling with you sex life and molest me, I didn’t take in account that you would think I was homophobic, thank gods Lucy told me or else I would have given up, I wasn’t sure you’d find me attractive since I’m older then you.”
“What?” Matt said unintelligently.
John’s smirk widen as his hands began to rub circles on Matt’s thighs.
“Let me explain it clearly so that you can understand.”
With that John leaned up and captured Matt’s lips in a heated kiss, his hands yanking Matt closer to him causing their erections to collide.
As Matt moaned heartily, he decided that he’d save his questions and misgivings for later, much later.
----
The End.
..or is it?
Author: xxxxholiclover
Prompt: Writer's Choice
Rating: R
For Sexy_right: All new Challenge, Fic Tac Toe
------
“John Fucking A. McClane!!” Matt stormed into the room and flopped onto his lazy chair.
“…so what did my father do this time?” Lucy asked uncaring from the couch.
Matt squinted at her in a glare.
“What the hell did I do in a former life that was so bad that I got sacked with not one but two McClanes?!”
“You almost destroyed the United States in this one, who the hell knows what you did in a former life.” Lucy smirked at Matt’s half-hearted glare.
“Well whatever, the point is your dad’s an asshole!” Matt grumbled.
“Seriously what did he do this time?” Lucy asked.
“Tried to set me up with another woman, again! I keep telling him that I’m fine by myself, that I don’t want to date right now but the guy’s so freaking stubborn he just won’t listen!” Matt half shouted.
Lucy snorted unladylike. “It might also be the fact that you’re as gay as a fucking rainbow. You should just tell him already.”
“Yea and get my ass kicked? I know you said that he’d be cool with it but I don’t feel like taking the chance…what if he finds out that I’m more than half in love with him? Then I’m dead, you hear me? D.E.A.D!”
“He’s not going to kill you, hell he might even be a flattered that such a young, cute stud like you finds him hot.”
“Of course I find him hot!! Have you seen his body?! It’s built like a fucking steel truck!”
“EWW! Matt I don’t need those kinds of thoughts in my head about my dad!” Lucy smacked him with a couch pillow.
Matt laughed while fending off Lucy’s pillow assault.
“But seriously you either need to tell him the truth or find some girl to play house bunny for you until he loses interest.” Lucy said putting away the pillow.
“hmmm…maybe.” Matt said then looked intently at Lucy.
“NO! Remember we already tried that and it ended in my father almost castrating you.” Lucy smirked.
Matt winched. “Err right I remember.”
“So?” Lucy questioned.
Matt sighed loudly and slumped down on the couch.
“I don’t know Luc, he’s really stubborn about this…one of the things that I love and hate about the guy.”
Lucy nodded in agreement. She had the same problem, while she loved her dad she knew that his stubbornness was what drove people away.
The room was silent for a moment before Lucy spoke.
“If you can’t get over my dad and you’re too chickenshit to try to get with my dad then the only thing I can see where this is going is that you just not talk to my dad anymore.” Lucy said slowly.
Matt just stared at her. “You really think I can get away with ignoring John? John McClane? Seriously!? Have you met the guy?! If I did that he’d figure something was wrong and storm my apartment or something guns ablazing!”
“Maybe…” Lucy trailed off reluctantly.
“Shit no maybe about it, I’m fucked either way.” Matt moaned.
“And not in the good fun way right Farrell?”
“Fuck you and your tiny dog too.”
“……I don’t have a dog.”
“…Fuck...”
--
Matt sighed as he closed his door behind Lucy’s retreating back.
Lucy was nice and all and they had tried dating after the Firesale but it hadn’t worked out. Matt was too gay and Lucy was too…female. She’d understood though and took to him being gay like a duck to water.
The toe nail painting was a little too much for Matt though.
McClane though had somehow got the idea in his head that Matt had broken his little girl’s heart and had stormed into Matt’s apartment a week later all threatening and shit. He’d backed Matt into a wall and held him there while he whispered threats into his ear.
It had been hard for Matt to hide his massive hard-on when that happened but he managed somehow, at least enough to get McClane to call his daughter and get the truth out.
Well…maybe not the truth, not the whole truth anyway. She told McClane that she broke up with him because he wasn’t man enough for her. Butch or whatever shit she’d talked about.
It had seemed enough for McClane because the man had let him go and left.
It wasn’t long after that that McClane began to snoop around Matt’s life. You’d think that he’d want to know this stuff when Matt was dating his daughter but noooo…it was only after they broke up that McClane started to call him wanting to hang out or coming around Matt’s new apartment to watch the game.
It frankly scared Matt shitless while also having the unfortunate side-effect of turning him on all the time.
Hell Matt hadn’t been this horny since he turned 14 and discovered that the internet had free porn.
It’d been six months since Matt’s live had gotten turned upside down and spat on. The country was slowly but surely taking care of itself and going back to normal.
After the Firesale and the death of Gabriel and his goons Matt had spent several days in the hospital. Not only because his knee had been shot, which hurt like a bitch and had Matt crying later when he was alone, but because his asthma started to act up.
Through death and fire and gunshots and flying fucking cars his asthma didn’t act up much but once he was safe and secure in a hospital it fucking sent him into a hyperventilating attack that had the nurses and doctors scrambling to get air in his lungs. He was lucky they didn’t cut a hole in his throat and stick a tube in him.
Fucking Irony was a bitch and Matt sometimes really hated her.
--
“Mathew Farrell!” John’s voice yelled angrily on Matt’s phone.
Matt rolled his eyes and slumped in his computer chair, he knew that he shouldn’t have answered the phone but he found himself answering it before his brain could catch up with actions.
“Hello McClane, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?” Matt asked sarcastically.
“You damn well know why I’m calling you little fucker.” John growled deeply and Matt didn’t even try to stop the shiver of desire that flickered inside of him.
He only felt marginally guilty as he whipped out his half-hard dick out of his pants and began to stroke himself leisurely to the sounds of John’s angry growling.
“No I’m not sure if I do.” Matt said.
“You little shit.” John’s tone went from mad to resign fondness. “I got a phone call from Sandy Moore; you know the chick from the station?”
“Oh right, the one with the spilt ends.” Matt squeezed his dick tight as the thought of that date was almost enough for him to go soft.
“Yea I guess-anyway I got an angry call from her, apparently you took her to a freaking biker bar on South St. and then spent the whole time talking to her about the oozing sore on your penis.” The disbelieving amusement in John’s voice almost made Matt moan out loud.
“Is there something you want to tell me Matt?” John’s voice got soft all of a sudden and Matt’s had froze on his dick. “This is the third girl you’ve run off. If you don’t want to date those bimbos then you should have just told me.”
Matt’s breath left him quickly, he was suddenly angry at both John and himself.
“I’ve tried telling you John.” Matt spoke tensely into the phone, “Many times now. Let me clarify it for you so that you can understand, I don’t date girls, women, females, the opposite sex!”
As silence rein from the other side of the phone Matt suddenly realized what he just admitted.
“Open the door Farrell.”
The phone fell from Matt’s nerveless fingers. After a moment of staring at nothing in vague horror he quickly tucked himself back in and walked tensely to the front door of his apartment.
Opening the door he moved back as John walked in.
“I think we’ve missed a vital conversation.” John spoke in the tense silence as he got comfortable on Matt’s couch.
“Oh?” Matt tried to stay calm and appear relax but he couldn’t help the light sweat that coated his forehead or the shaking hands.
“What do you take me for kid?” John asked, he didn’t seem angry from what Matt could tell, more confused than anything, maybe a little annoyed but certainly not mad.
Matt shrugged, confused with this whole scenario. The shaking finally stopped though. He walked forward and sat on the other side of the couch, looking at how relaxed John was on his couch and he damned himself as he felt another shiver of desire course through him.
Damn, McClane just had to sit there and Matt got a stiff for him, this attraction he had for the older man was seriously powerful.
“I mean I know I’m old and all but just because I was born decades ago doesn’t mean I’m an asshole.”
Matt just raised a eyebrow at that confession. John stared back at him before sighing, “Okay I am an asshole, doesn’t mean I’m a bigot.”
“I’m sorry but you lost me here, what are we talking about?” Matt asked confused as all hell.
“About how you like dicks instead of cunts, try to keep up kid.” John let out an amused sigh.
Matt froze on his side of the couch, a small whine crawled out of his throat and he swore that his heart had stopped.
John’s amusement faded and a look of concern shined from his eyes.
“Shit kid did you really think I would have judged you? Especially since I’ve been courting you for weeks now.”
“Wha-?” Matt’s never been this speechless, not even when he had been on the morphine.
John smirked and reached over and hauled Matt by his shirt until he was straddling John’s lap.
“I set you up on those dates mostly to see if you’d finally get sick enough of me meddling with you sex life and molest me, I didn’t take in account that you would think I was homophobic, thank gods Lucy told me or else I would have given up, I wasn’t sure you’d find me attractive since I’m older then you.”
“What?” Matt said unintelligently.
John’s smirk widen as his hands began to rub circles on Matt’s thighs.
“Let me explain it clearly so that you can understand.”
With that John leaned up and captured Matt’s lips in a heated kiss, his hands yanking Matt closer to him causing their erections to collide.
As Matt moaned heartily, he decided that he’d save his questions and misgivings for later, much later.
----
The End.
..or is it?