its been quite a long ass time
Wow the last time I wrote was the night Nichole, Brian, and mark were over. Yeah we were a little bit crazy that night. Lol. Could ya tell? Anyways time to update. Since the last time I wrote Adam moved to Florida for the first couple days he called like 8xs a day but then he got into drugs and shit so I hardly hear from him except online and then he’s always messed up so it doesn’t go too well. I still can’t believe this happened but until he gets help I want no part of him. And I hope soon cause I’m going down in august. Sigh. And tom left for Maryland but continued to call we have gotten really close but he left for a camp valley forge does so he’s who knows where with no phone TV or any of that shit. He comes back either today or tomorrow. He wasn’t specific on how long he was going he just said for a week but never what day to what day. Oh well. I miss him, which is really weird cause I never thought we’d end up getting so close. Not like that though. And nobody gets why they are all like he’s gorgeous has money funny guy treats me right but like I’m not ready like I don’t know how I could even think of dating someone new right now after me and Adam broke up. Like I know I know towards the end I couldn’t wait for him to leave but I do really miss him. He was my best friend I miss not seeing him every weekend not talking to him everyday for hours I miss him so much. Like not as a boyfriend but I miss my best friend. The one I could act stupid and ditzy around. The one I could have a water fight. The person I could lounge in sweats and glasses and not feel stupid. Cause even first thing in the mourning I was still beautiful to him. I think I miss that most wakening up to him lying next to me. I don’t know like I honestly don’t know. There’s days where I don’t think about him but then there’s days where I want to get in my car and go get him. But as far as romantically there are no feelings there. That’s a start right? Hey I work slowly bear with me. But life’s been hard at times and so fucking great at other times. It’s a roller coaster all the way. Lol. But for the first time in a long ass time I know everything will be ok that everything is happening for a reason and it will all work out. And I love not knowing what will happen over the next couple weeks while schools out. What life’s going to bring. Whether or not something will happen between me and tom or me and mark or some random new guy. I love it. With Adam it was great don’t get me wrong but he was so predictable. Everything was always black and white there were never gray areas now I have them. Things i’m not sure about things i’m dieing to figure out. And I just love every minuet of my life right now….