(no subject)
Well I guess I should update.....
This is not going to be a very positive update. Things are shitty lately, I find myself not having one day to be stress free now a days. I'm really hurt inside and things arent going the way I want them to be anymore. I hate everything, and I swear if it was legal to kill people, I'd have a gun at hand 24/7. I'm not happy anymore, and when people think I am, I'm really not, I'm faking happiness, I really dont know what real happiness is anymore. In fact, all the things I thought I was sure about, I'm just not to sure about anymore.
I'm trying to get my feelings to go away for him, and they wont. I can't sleep, I won't move I'll just sleep, some days I won't eat. I try to go out to get my mind of crap, I don't. I even fake my happiness around friends, because I don't want them to know how much its bothering me. Even when he calls, I feel like breaking down sometime it feels like love was made just to feel hurt. Now I can understand why I was the way I was a long time ago, I was keeping myself from hurt, never wanted to experience it, I wanted to be the one to hurt. Now I feel it, and I feel like I'm not even alive anymore, my insides are dead. And he's out not giving a shit about anything. I dunno, I'll get thru it eventually, now I just want to dig myself a hole, and never come out.
My mom took me shopping. Cute outfits. Couldn't figure out why shes been so loving the past few days. She read a note I wrote to "him". Things I really didnt want her to know about. Well she knows, because it was repositioned in the book. Fucking wonderful ! So something I really didnt want my mom knowing because I knew it hurt her. She knows everything. I just hate it, cause she goes are you ok? every minute of the day. telling me shes loves me all the time, just unnatural things that dont come out this much from my mom's mouth. I feel like shit about it, it feels like I disappointed her, I dont like that feeling.
Someone please just shoot me, end the fucking misery. I hate life theres no fucking point to it, its useless.
This is not going to be a very positive update. Things are shitty lately, I find myself not having one day to be stress free now a days. I'm really hurt inside and things arent going the way I want them to be anymore. I hate everything, and I swear if it was legal to kill people, I'd have a gun at hand 24/7. I'm not happy anymore, and when people think I am, I'm really not, I'm faking happiness, I really dont know what real happiness is anymore. In fact, all the things I thought I was sure about, I'm just not to sure about anymore.
I'm trying to get my feelings to go away for him, and they wont. I can't sleep, I won't move I'll just sleep, some days I won't eat. I try to go out to get my mind of crap, I don't. I even fake my happiness around friends, because I don't want them to know how much its bothering me. Even when he calls, I feel like breaking down sometime it feels like love was made just to feel hurt. Now I can understand why I was the way I was a long time ago, I was keeping myself from hurt, never wanted to experience it, I wanted to be the one to hurt. Now I feel it, and I feel like I'm not even alive anymore, my insides are dead. And he's out not giving a shit about anything. I dunno, I'll get thru it eventually, now I just want to dig myself a hole, and never come out.
My mom took me shopping. Cute outfits. Couldn't figure out why shes been so loving the past few days. She read a note I wrote to "him". Things I really didnt want her to know about. Well she knows, because it was repositioned in the book. Fucking wonderful ! So something I really didnt want my mom knowing because I knew it hurt her. She knows everything. I just hate it, cause she goes are you ok? every minute of the day. telling me shes loves me all the time, just unnatural things that dont come out this much from my mom's mouth. I feel like shit about it, it feels like I disappointed her, I dont like that feeling.
Someone please just shoot me, end the fucking misery. I hate life theres no fucking point to it, its useless.