(no subject)
so here I am stuck at yet another cross roads in my life where I simply do not know what to do. I have so many different options and no guidance. I do not know if I'm ready for the life that Josh is willing to provide me with. The stability and security that everyone hopes to find one day. I feel as if I am still searching for who I am as a person. But aside from him I have this whole other life where people don't know my history or anything about me. They just accept me and like me for showing up. They are always happy to see me. I've never had that before.
Then there is Chuck. How can he just think it's okay now that it is convenient for him in his life. I spent so much time in my life trying to get him to love me and to be part of everything. He just kept throwing away every chance. I tried to include him in my life and love him. I gave him every opportunity but he never took any of those. He just walked away every time. I've built my whole life without him in it. I came to terms with that fact that he wasn't there and was never going to have what it took to be there and all of a sudden he's back. I can't keep letting him come in and out of my life getting my hopes up when I know damn well he is not going to be staying. I know that it will only be a matter of time where I don't hear from him. Truth be told he isn't the type of person that I want in my life. How can I really even consider him my father. He hasn't been there to teach me or show me anything. He never listened to any of my problems or comforted me during the hardest parts of my life. No one has.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.