bored and pissed
i think i broke my hand last night......my step dad got drunk and was yelling at my mom and pretty much telling her she needed to get a different place to live and that i was no good and all this shit......after about and hour of this i went in there i told him to lay off my mom...she was crying and he was a drunken asshole...then he gets all bitchy talkin about what right do i have to get into this and i was like she is MY mother and i have been there for her for alot longer than u have....so what right does ur stupid drunk ass have to tell her to get out....if anyones leaving its u!!! then when i was about to go into my room i told him i allready have one dad i dont need a drunk that pretends to be...then he said something like and what a great dad u do have...thats when i was like hellllll no!!!! i was like u need to fuckin watch ur mouth...and he was talkin more shit and i hit the wall once then jumped onto the bar infront of him and threw this jar thing at him....i told him he was lucky i didnt fuckin kill him.....then mom tried to get inbetween us....and she took me back to my room and i hit the door so hard and so many times that my knuckles wouldnt stop bleeding...i was soooo pissed and then he said something to my mom about how i was a dissapointment...and i told him to shut his fuckin mouh or he would be sorry.....then he was like oh i'm gunna call the cops on u...and the whole time i was thinking they'll just take ur stupid drunk ass away which doesnt sound to bad to me....he such a stupid fuckin asshole....how dare he say shit about my dad when at least he GRADUATED highschool and actually sees his daughter...and he is like 9746832749328 times better than gary...all gary is is a LITTLE man that drinks so he thinks hes in control of something....and i swear to god if he says another word to my i will fuck his ugly ass up....in fact if he EVERY comes around me when hes drunk again i will make sure he knows not to again!!!!! and my hand still hurts really bad.....and mom says hes sorry but he better not say anything to me... i dont even want to see him.....i wish that he would just dissapear.....not die persay but just leave...to where i never have to see him again...
then tonight after mom was telling me that he was an ass and he was fair game after he said something about my dad...i went out of me room for like 2 seconds....and ofcourse shes fuckin him...i could hear it...thats fuckin bullshit!! i feel like she fuckin betrayed me....its like oh i dont care what he said to u about u or anything i'm going to go fuck him.....that bull shit....i hope he rotts in hell for this...hes a fuckin asshole that deserves to die a horrible and painful death.....and i hope he does....
and to top it all off i miss austin sooo much right now....i talked to him tonight and i just miss him sooooo much.....i wish he was here last night so SUMONE would have said something to him after he called me a worthless whore....and its not even so much that he said it-cuz i could give 2 shits about what he thinks-itz that my mom didnt even say anything to him about that....and it just hurts me...its like i camr out here to stand up for u and protect u and then this is how u repay me...atleast if austin or sum1 were here the could have held my hand(the good one) and just held me while i cried....i mean i was crying so hard that my chest was burning and i broke out in hives....and i'm just so scared that oneday garys gunna come home drunk and try to hurt me or my mom...and if he does...i'll be ready....i allready sleep with a switchblade under my pillow incase he does come anywhere near me....i just want sumone to hold me and tell me that he want hurt me and that everythings going to be alright...just comfort me....i just hate being alone and it was too late to call anyone...esspecially austin....lights out is at 10:30 and it was about 12:30....but i just wish he knew how hurt i was last night.....i think i'm going to write a song about how much i hate him and how i wish he had never come around....and then write me a letter telling him hes an ass and to never speak to me again....
but i'm going to go to sleep cuz i tired.....<33madi
<33i heart austin<33