Lock old with new
I have time, too much time, time which made me think of the past, and whats not better than to think of the past, but to read about it in my journal. Going through and reading my journal, it's insane, what a complete idiot I sounded like writing what I thought was entertaining, meaningful, and comprehensive. I was going to take the time to read each entry, try to go back to that place, try and go back to the feelings my words would lead me, but nothing happened, all that happened, I got bored, and decided to give up, and leave it with the most sensible entry I wrote, the one just before this one. Everything I deleted, they meant nothing, and ones that still stand mean nothing to me. But you know when you go back and look at a story or paper you written in the ninth grade, and you see that you made no sense, everything was misleading, and your hand writing was all messy, its not in relation to what it is now. Thats how it is for me, it's insane, entertaining at the most. I had fights with countless people, Sam, Alexis, and Jax, all though Jax's and our fight was more along the lines of miscommunication that were still working on. Sam and I's fight was intentional, that was the hardest, that fight, we ripped each other down, exploited things about each other no friend would think of, I was still digging the hole when she finished and buried me. Now, we would do nothing to intentionally hurt each other. I had bad days, that let me contribute to the drama queens alive and willing, and good days that made me swell in laughs. Oh yeah, there was also a point to were everyone was bickering on live journal, between Betsy, alexis and I, I can't really recognize what it was about, but I know it had to deal with Ryan and I going out, and from there, it all went downhill. But its funny, because now, I don't know what I would do if I new Betsy wouldn't fill that empty spot standing next to me, in any situation. Through this journal, I fell in happiest love, and fell out of love, I got my heart broken, but didn't break any others hearts. I do have to say I wish a lot of things would have worked out, it would be nice to see a picture of the past brought back into the future, and i miss a lot of things i lost in the past, but more thankful for the things I have gained.
But forget the things i've talked about because now, everything is running on a straight line, going forward. This is going to be the happiest entry you will ever read.
My time is spent with the same people day after day, I can't say that I don't want to make more friends or build stronger ones, but for now, i'm happy with the people that i'm surrounded with. Things are steady. Although, I would much prefer going to Cypress or Getway than Estero, but thats a no go. And in the love department, that hasn't jumped in a long while. I had to break up with my boyfriend, Banks, it wasn't working out, he could have cared less about me, he just admired the stage and guitar in his hand So there I go again, surrounded by a beautiful couple, and beautiful people who are involved with others, oh and theres jamie, off to no good, off by herself. Ah, whats new. Lets see what come my way, because this is my lucky part of the year, sooner than you know it, winter will stroll around.
I'm ready for my life to change. I'm ready for my studies, i'm ready for the up coming conversations of us girls, i'm ready for my up taking pot addiction, but most of all, i'm ready for the responsibilities of love.
p.s no school until thursday.
But forget the things i've talked about because now, everything is running on a straight line, going forward. This is going to be the happiest entry you will ever read.
My time is spent with the same people day after day, I can't say that I don't want to make more friends or build stronger ones, but for now, i'm happy with the people that i'm surrounded with. Things are steady. Although, I would much prefer going to Cypress or Getway than Estero, but thats a no go. And in the love department, that hasn't jumped in a long while. I had to break up with my boyfriend, Banks, it wasn't working out, he could have cared less about me, he just admired the stage and guitar in his hand So there I go again, surrounded by a beautiful couple, and beautiful people who are involved with others, oh and theres jamie, off to no good, off by herself. Ah, whats new. Lets see what come my way, because this is my lucky part of the year, sooner than you know it, winter will stroll around.
I'm ready for my life to change. I'm ready for my studies, i'm ready for the up coming conversations of us girls, i'm ready for my up taking pot addiction, but most of all, i'm ready for the responsibilities of love.
p.s no school until thursday.