"Button Pushing" by Hydrophobia (part 1)sunset_raysFebruary 23 2019, 04:35:31 UTC
Neo ( hydr0phobia) wrote, 2005-09-18 14:29:00 Previous Share Next Mood: weird Music: The Impression That I Get - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones "I'd better knock on wood, 'cause I'm sure it isn't good." Title: Button Pushing Author: Neo Genre: Humor/Romance Rating: K+ Summary: Doumeki buys cellphones. Everyone is a comic book wizard. Neo shoots herself in the foot. Fun for the whole family! [doumekiwatanuki]
________________________________________
Author’s Notes: Characterization? What characterization?
Seriously, such crack I want to cry. I am so, so, so sorry. Thirty lashes for lapses in judgment, woah-ho! ________________________________________
In exchange for a small pile of books Yuuko assures him he will never find the need for, Doumeki gets two cell phones. Watanuki does not quite understand why, seeing as how he never figured Yuuko the type to retail such devices, and seeing as how Doumeki doesn’t seem like a cellphone sort of person, so. He gets a little frightened when Doumeki shows up at school and thrusts a phone in his face.
“Here,” Doumeki deadpans.
“What?” Watanuki asks, utterly dumbfounded and, of course, annoyed, but hey.
He can’t help it.
It’s Doumeki.
Doumeki waves it a bit in his hand. “My number’s already on there.”
“I-WHAT. I DON’T WANT YOUR NUMBER. AND I DON’T WANT YOUR PHONE.”
“You need my number.”
“I DON’T NEED YOUR NUMBER.”
“If you need help figuring out how to use it, ask me,” Doumeki says and completely ignores the rest of Watanuki, instead shoving the phone in Watanuki’s bag.
“WHAT THE HELL. I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP IN FIGURING OUT HOW TO USE A STUPID PHONE.”
“Maybe you don’t,” Doumeki says agreeably. “But you either ask me or Yuuko-san.”
“WHY WOULD I ASK YUUKO-SAN.”
“Exactly,” Doumeki says, and leaves Watanuki completely dumbfounded a little ways away from the school gate. • • •
The phone stares at him from the counter.
He imagines it’s Doumeki watching him, as usual, with those hawkish, over-freaking-bearing eyes, except it’s not, which is really disturbing, because he’s always been a jumpy kind of guy, but. Come on. Doumeki usually lurks around some corner or other, but this is just ridiculous. It’s a cellphone. Cellphones should not inspire any brand of paranoia.
“You know, you could stop staring,” he tells it.
Predictably, it doesn’t listen.
“Predictably,” he shrugs, and it sounds like a fact of the universe, which it so totally is. • • •
The next day, Doumeki accosts him.
Accosting, Watanuki thinks, is something Doumeki dearly loves.
If there was a book of everything Doumeki acknowledged as a part of his special, sealed off, yellow-caution-tape corner of the universe-AKA “The Admittedly Rather Thin Book Of What Doumeki Gives A Damn About”-why, accosting would be right up there with pissing people off, pissing Watanuki off, and. Chestnuts.
It would probably be a page and a half, Watanuki reasons.
Big font and everything.
“I thought I told you you needed that,” Doumeki says.
“Need what.”
“You know what.”
“What do you think I am, some kind of mind-reader?”
“The phone,” Doumeki insists.
“Oh. That,” Watanuki says. Does his very best not to not look smug. “I left it.”
“Predictably,” Doumeki says.
“That’s exactly what I told it,” Watanuki declares sagely.
Doumeki apparently decides it is best not to ask. • • •
“It’s not like you’re not benefiting from this,” Yuuko points out.
“Well, I. He certainly isn’t.”
Yuuko arches an elegant eyebrow, smiles. “Isn’t he?”
“The money,” Watanuki insists, putting the cover on the pan. • • •
Watanuki does not watch television. He studies, he cooks, and now he works. His life flashes before his eyes every six and a half minutes and in spite of the fact he hasn’t ever consensually done much apart from study or cook, it still manages to be moderately interesting.
Watanuki is fairly certain he is the only person on the living Earth that has ever consciously hunted down commercials to watch.
2005-09-18 14:29:00
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Mood: weird
Music: The Impression That I Get - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
"I'd better knock on wood, 'cause I'm sure it isn't good."
Title: Button Pushing
Author: Neo
Genre: Humor/Romance
Rating: K+
Summary: Doumeki buys cellphones. Everyone is a comic book wizard. Neo shoots herself in the foot. Fun for the whole family! [doumekiwatanuki]
________________________________________
Author’s Notes: Characterization? What characterization?
Seriously, such crack I want to cry. I am so, so, so sorry. Thirty lashes for lapses in judgment, woah-ho!
________________________________________
In exchange for a small pile of books Yuuko assures him he will never find the need for, Doumeki gets two cell phones. Watanuki does not quite understand why, seeing as how he never figured Yuuko the type to retail such devices, and seeing as how Doumeki doesn’t seem like a cellphone sort of person, so. He gets a little frightened when Doumeki shows up at school and thrusts a phone in his face.
“Here,” Doumeki deadpans.
“What?” Watanuki asks, utterly dumbfounded and, of course, annoyed, but hey.
He can’t help it.
It’s Doumeki.
Doumeki waves it a bit in his hand. “My number’s already on there.”
“I-WHAT. I DON’T WANT YOUR NUMBER. AND I DON’T WANT YOUR PHONE.”
“You need my number.”
“I DON’T NEED YOUR NUMBER.”
“If you need help figuring out how to use it, ask me,” Doumeki says and completely ignores the rest of Watanuki, instead shoving the phone in Watanuki’s bag.
“WHAT THE HELL. I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP IN FIGURING OUT HOW TO USE A STUPID PHONE.”
“Maybe you don’t,” Doumeki says agreeably. “But you either ask me or Yuuko-san.”
“WHY WOULD I ASK YUUKO-SAN.”
“Exactly,” Doumeki says, and leaves Watanuki completely dumbfounded a little ways away from the school gate.
• • •
The phone stares at him from the counter.
He imagines it’s Doumeki watching him, as usual, with those hawkish, over-freaking-bearing eyes, except it’s not, which is really disturbing, because he’s always been a jumpy kind of guy, but. Come on. Doumeki usually lurks around some corner or other, but this is just ridiculous. It’s a cellphone. Cellphones should not inspire any brand of paranoia.
“You know, you could stop staring,” he tells it.
Predictably, it doesn’t listen.
“Predictably,” he shrugs, and it sounds like a fact of the universe, which it so totally is.
• • •
The next day, Doumeki accosts him.
Accosting, Watanuki thinks, is something Doumeki dearly loves.
If there was a book of everything Doumeki acknowledged as a part of his special, sealed off, yellow-caution-tape corner of the universe-AKA “The Admittedly Rather Thin Book Of What Doumeki Gives A Damn About”-why, accosting would be right up there with pissing people off, pissing Watanuki off, and. Chestnuts.
It would probably be a page and a half, Watanuki reasons.
Big font and everything.
“I thought I told you you needed that,” Doumeki says.
“Need what.”
“You know what.”
“What do you think I am, some kind of mind-reader?”
“The phone,” Doumeki insists.
“Oh. That,” Watanuki says. Does his very best not to not look smug. “I left it.”
“Predictably,” Doumeki says.
“That’s exactly what I told it,” Watanuki declares sagely.
Doumeki apparently decides it is best not to ask.
• • •
“Well first,” Watanuki says, “it’s. It’s ridiculous.”
“It’s not like you’re not benefiting from this,” Yuuko points out.
“Well, I. He certainly isn’t.”
Yuuko arches an elegant eyebrow, smiles. “Isn’t he?”
“The money,” Watanuki insists, putting the cover on the pan.
• • •
Watanuki does not watch television. He studies, he cooks, and now he works. His life flashes before his eyes every six and a half minutes and in spite of the fact he hasn’t ever consensually done much apart from study or cook, it still manages to be moderately interesting.
Watanuki is fairly certain he is the only person on the living Earth that has ever consciously hunted down commercials to watch.
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