02. The Things You'll Never Know
Title: "The Things You'll Never Know"
Category: Short story
Word Count: 1,920
Fandom: Firefly
Timeline: Sometime before "Heart of Gold", middle of the season (obviously before the movie)
Characters: Mal & Inara, with a mention of Kaylee (a very very brief mention)
Pairing: Mal/Inara
Rating: R
Warning: Sexual references and two brief sexual scenes
Disclaimer: Mal, Inara and the entirity of the Firefly-verse belongs to Joss. FOX Broadcasting Company and Universal have some claim to them, too, since they're the ones that brought Firefly and Serenity to the public. I love writing about them, but I don't claim to have any ownership of the characters contained in the following fiction. I do, however, own the fiction and any use of plagerism will endager your life.
Summary: Mal and Inara introspectively reflect on the complications of their relationship.
Author's Note: Mal/Inara. EEEEEEHHH! Guh guh guh. And lots more fangirl squealing.
“Oh, and what the hell would you know about it?”
Her voice was tense and like a string pulled too tightly, it wavered and sounded like it might break at any moment. She hated how angry he made her. And it wasn’t just what he said or the tone of voice he said it in. It was the fact that he looked at her two ways: like he wanted to pull her against his chest and kiss her until she begged for more or like he thought she was the scum stuck on the bottom of his ship. She hated both looks. She hated seeing the passion in his eyes because she knew nothing would ever come of it. She knew that no matter how much she wished for it, no matter how badly they both wanted it, they were both too stubborn to take the steps to make their fantasy a reality. She hated seeing the way his distain curled his otherwise beautiful features into something ugly and heartbreaking. But most of all, she hated the way her anger made him think she didn’t share his feelings.
Mal ignored her question and let her snooty, angry tone of voice roll off his back. Some days it was just easier to do than others. He’d made another smart-assed comment about her profession, partly because he liked the way her cheeks heated up and her hands clenched at her sides, like she was trying to restrain herself from hitting him. He liked to see that side of her, the passionate side, because he never did. She was always so poised and elegant, always so in control. He liked to throw a wrench in her plans. But the other reason he did it was to forget how jealousy ate at him whenever she was out on a job. He’d never fooled himself into thinking she belonged to him; he’d never begun to believe that they would ever be together like that. But something in him snapped when he knew she was with another man. If he didn’t have a job to keep his attention, he spent his time imagining that man’s hands on her body, causing her to moan and writhe beneath him. And it drove him insane every time he let his mind wander that way.
It was true that he didn’t respect her profession. He’d never been one to pay for sex, but he’d never had to. He was attractive enough and definitely charming enough when he wanted to be to catch a woman’s attention. Something about sex - the intimacy of it all - made him uncomfortable with the idea of trading it for money, or anything else for that matter. He wasn’t so naïve to think that it should only be used as an instrument of love. He was, above all else, a man. Men had needs that arose more often than love did. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that most of his one-night stands had felt anything more than fleeting passion for him, as he did for them. But at least that passion was real, with no ulterior motive except pleasure.
“I was just trying to make polite conversation. No need to get snippy with me, Inara.”
He spoke slowly, languidly, with a smile on his face that made certain she realized how much he was enjoying working her up over nothing. And when she grit her teeth to stop from saying something she’d regret later, his smile grew all the more.
He was infuriating. He knew just which buttons of hers to press and the only thing she knew to do to make him as angry as her was to start telling him the details of her last appointment. But that was strictly prohibited. A companion never kisses and tells. Those details were exactly what she was trying to keep herself from spitting out at him. She swallowed her bitterness and her rage in a single gulp and put her mask back on - the nice, polite, gracious one that didn’t speak of her desires or that she knew is. It was the one that would keep them both in their safe little corners.
“I apologize, Mal. Would you care for some tea?”
Mal’s smile faded from his face. He knew the instant she hid all her feelings away. She was theirs again, not his. And he had to choke back an angry retort. Maybe he could make her his again. And he really was hankering for tea. He nodded in response, lowering himself onto one of her couches, his arms falling along the back of the couch.
She ignored the urge to snuggle her body against his. She’d often imagined them doing just that on this couch, his arm draped over her shoulders and his mouth on hers. Her stomach did a little flip-flop and she steeled herself against it, moving to the tea pot and pouring two cups. She handed Mal the cup, a genuine smile curling her lips upward and then busied herself sweetening her own cup.
It was a little stunning that she remembered how he liked his tea, since he barely drank any with her. It caused a warmth to fill his chest and his smile returned as he took the cup from her and took a tentative sip. He smacked his lips together in a way that voiced his approval of the drink. She smiled at him again as she leaned back on the sofa, holding her cup and mimicking his sip. A silence fell between them, though it didn’t seem to be an uncomfortable one.
His hands clenched her hips as his mouth devoured hers, his heart pounding his ears. She moaned into his mouth, her fingers tunneling through his hair. He pulled her into his lap, her legs spreading to straddle him. His hands migrated to her behind, grabbing passionate handfuls of flesh. His mouth moved from hers to his neck, burning a trail to her collarbone. Heat swirled in her belly and she panted into the air above his head, her eyes squeezed tight as she struggled to keep from moaning again. His hands pushed her shirt up, exposing the milky flesh of her breasts that his mouth quickly covered. Her body shook and quivered, and she viciously bit her bottom lip to keep from begging him to take her to bed. He knew she’d be stubborn to the very end.
Mal cleared his throat loudly, shifting his weight and crossing his legs to hide the way his pants had tightened, keeping from getting too embarrassed, since Inara had yet to notice his discomfort. He scoured his brain to come up with a subject of amiable conversation between them; something that didn’t start off with “Inara, I’m in love with you.” He needed to stop the silence, put a temporary end to his fantasies about her.
He was groaning beneath her, panting and begging for her to let him have his release. She flashed him a wicked smile, rising and lowering herself slowly on top of him. She reached over his head to untie his bindings, freeing his hands. She left the scarves tied to her headboard, issuing a guttural moan as his hands took possession of her breasts. He rose into more of a sitting position, one of his hands slipping to the small of her back as his mouth pressed passionately against hers. She quickened the pace, her thighs tightening with the effort of lifting and lowering herself on him. He moaned her name and the tremble and vulnerability in his tone brought her even closer to her climax.
Mal’s voice interrupted her fantasy and she turned her gaze from her met to meet his. She offered him a weak smile, her face flushed. He didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, was nice enough not to mention it.
“I’m sorry, Mal. I didn’t hear you. What was it that you said?”
He smiled at her in a knowing manner, placing down his tea cup on the low table in front of him. His body scooted just a bit closer to hers, the tips of his fingers brushing the dark strands of her hair. A chill raced down her spine and her heart sped up, thudding in her chest as if it threatened to burst from her ribcage. She held her breath as he leaned into her, the tip of his nose nearly touching hers. His eyes burned through her and though she held his gaze, she felt entirely nude beneath his stare.
“What were you thinking about?” He asked slowly, in a husky tone.
Her hands began to shake and the tea cup clattered briefly on its saucer before she regained full control of them. She cleared her throat in a soft, womanly manner, still holding his gaze. She was, after all, not a coward. She allowed a smirk to cover her face as she lowered the china in her hands to the table; setting it next to Mal’s and noticing how even the china made a nice couple. She leaned back into her previous position and lifted a hand, placing it gently on his bicep and giving a squeeze.
Mal felt his mouth go dry as her hand took possession of his arm. It was a touch that was intimate and not in the same moment. Coming from her, it set him on fire, made him hot beneath his collar and increased the desire to kiss her. Had it been Kaylee, he wouldn’t have thought twice about it. He certainly wouldn’t have suddenly found it hard to breathe.
Inara’s voice was soft and low, purposely enticing. She had every intention of paying him back for earlier. “I was thinking about…” She paused, licking her lips and smiling again, the corners of her eyes crinkling, “The things you’ll never know.”
He pulled back, smiling. She’d made his blood run hot, but she’d gotten him fair and square. He had a good sense of humor, so he didn’t mind her teasing too much.
“Well, then,” he said, his head nodding back towards the door to her shuttle, “I should get back to work. Everyone’s countin’ on me.”
She nodded her understanding and offered him another smile. “I understand. They all fall apart without their Captain.” She said this good naturedly, with a hint of teasing in her tone.
“Thanks for the tea.” He rose from his seat and offered her an awkward wave and a smile before heading out the door. He walked briskly, needing to put distance between the two of them. He needed to breathe. He needed to remember why they weren’t together, why they couldn’t be together. He didn’t stop until he reached the empty kitchen.
His hands fell to the table. His palms pressed to the smooth wood of the tabletop, his shoulder blades drawing together as his head dropped, his eyes closing. He inhaled deeply and held his breath for a few moments before exhaling in a little sigh. He looked up, his gaze on the ceiling and he spoke softly to himself in a tone so low that had anyone been in the room, they wouldn’t have heard him.
“There’re things you’ll never know, either, Inara.”
He lifted his right hand and smoothed it over his face, exhaling again. His heart screamed, “I love you”, but he knew better than to actually utter those words. He knew better than to admit how he felt. He was much better living in this hell of denial. They both were.
This entry has been tagged and made a memory for easy finding later on.
x-posted at ff_fanfic and mal_inara
Comments are <3!
Category: Short story
Word Count: 1,920
Fandom: Firefly
Timeline: Sometime before "Heart of Gold", middle of the season (obviously before the movie)
Characters: Mal & Inara, with a mention of Kaylee (a very very brief mention)
Pairing: Mal/Inara
Rating: R
Warning: Sexual references and two brief sexual scenes
Disclaimer: Mal, Inara and the entirity of the Firefly-verse belongs to Joss. FOX Broadcasting Company and Universal have some claim to them, too, since they're the ones that brought Firefly and Serenity to the public. I love writing about them, but I don't claim to have any ownership of the characters contained in the following fiction. I do, however, own the fiction and any use of plagerism will endager your life.
Summary: Mal and Inara introspectively reflect on the complications of their relationship.
Author's Note: Mal/Inara. EEEEEEHHH! Guh guh guh. And lots more fangirl squealing.
“Oh, and what the hell would you know about it?”
Her voice was tense and like a string pulled too tightly, it wavered and sounded like it might break at any moment. She hated how angry he made her. And it wasn’t just what he said or the tone of voice he said it in. It was the fact that he looked at her two ways: like he wanted to pull her against his chest and kiss her until she begged for more or like he thought she was the scum stuck on the bottom of his ship. She hated both looks. She hated seeing the passion in his eyes because she knew nothing would ever come of it. She knew that no matter how much she wished for it, no matter how badly they both wanted it, they were both too stubborn to take the steps to make their fantasy a reality. She hated seeing the way his distain curled his otherwise beautiful features into something ugly and heartbreaking. But most of all, she hated the way her anger made him think she didn’t share his feelings.
Mal ignored her question and let her snooty, angry tone of voice roll off his back. Some days it was just easier to do than others. He’d made another smart-assed comment about her profession, partly because he liked the way her cheeks heated up and her hands clenched at her sides, like she was trying to restrain herself from hitting him. He liked to see that side of her, the passionate side, because he never did. She was always so poised and elegant, always so in control. He liked to throw a wrench in her plans. But the other reason he did it was to forget how jealousy ate at him whenever she was out on a job. He’d never fooled himself into thinking she belonged to him; he’d never begun to believe that they would ever be together like that. But something in him snapped when he knew she was with another man. If he didn’t have a job to keep his attention, he spent his time imagining that man’s hands on her body, causing her to moan and writhe beneath him. And it drove him insane every time he let his mind wander that way.
It was true that he didn’t respect her profession. He’d never been one to pay for sex, but he’d never had to. He was attractive enough and definitely charming enough when he wanted to be to catch a woman’s attention. Something about sex - the intimacy of it all - made him uncomfortable with the idea of trading it for money, or anything else for that matter. He wasn’t so naïve to think that it should only be used as an instrument of love. He was, above all else, a man. Men had needs that arose more often than love did. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that most of his one-night stands had felt anything more than fleeting passion for him, as he did for them. But at least that passion was real, with no ulterior motive except pleasure.
“I was just trying to make polite conversation. No need to get snippy with me, Inara.”
He spoke slowly, languidly, with a smile on his face that made certain she realized how much he was enjoying working her up over nothing. And when she grit her teeth to stop from saying something she’d regret later, his smile grew all the more.
He was infuriating. He knew just which buttons of hers to press and the only thing she knew to do to make him as angry as her was to start telling him the details of her last appointment. But that was strictly prohibited. A companion never kisses and tells. Those details were exactly what she was trying to keep herself from spitting out at him. She swallowed her bitterness and her rage in a single gulp and put her mask back on - the nice, polite, gracious one that didn’t speak of her desires or that she knew is. It was the one that would keep them both in their safe little corners.
“I apologize, Mal. Would you care for some tea?”
Mal’s smile faded from his face. He knew the instant she hid all her feelings away. She was theirs again, not his. And he had to choke back an angry retort. Maybe he could make her his again. And he really was hankering for tea. He nodded in response, lowering himself onto one of her couches, his arms falling along the back of the couch.
She ignored the urge to snuggle her body against his. She’d often imagined them doing just that on this couch, his arm draped over her shoulders and his mouth on hers. Her stomach did a little flip-flop and she steeled herself against it, moving to the tea pot and pouring two cups. She handed Mal the cup, a genuine smile curling her lips upward and then busied herself sweetening her own cup.
It was a little stunning that she remembered how he liked his tea, since he barely drank any with her. It caused a warmth to fill his chest and his smile returned as he took the cup from her and took a tentative sip. He smacked his lips together in a way that voiced his approval of the drink. She smiled at him again as she leaned back on the sofa, holding her cup and mimicking his sip. A silence fell between them, though it didn’t seem to be an uncomfortable one.
His hands clenched her hips as his mouth devoured hers, his heart pounding his ears. She moaned into his mouth, her fingers tunneling through his hair. He pulled her into his lap, her legs spreading to straddle him. His hands migrated to her behind, grabbing passionate handfuls of flesh. His mouth moved from hers to his neck, burning a trail to her collarbone. Heat swirled in her belly and she panted into the air above his head, her eyes squeezed tight as she struggled to keep from moaning again. His hands pushed her shirt up, exposing the milky flesh of her breasts that his mouth quickly covered. Her body shook and quivered, and she viciously bit her bottom lip to keep from begging him to take her to bed. He knew she’d be stubborn to the very end.
Mal cleared his throat loudly, shifting his weight and crossing his legs to hide the way his pants had tightened, keeping from getting too embarrassed, since Inara had yet to notice his discomfort. He scoured his brain to come up with a subject of amiable conversation between them; something that didn’t start off with “Inara, I’m in love with you.” He needed to stop the silence, put a temporary end to his fantasies about her.
He was groaning beneath her, panting and begging for her to let him have his release. She flashed him a wicked smile, rising and lowering herself slowly on top of him. She reached over his head to untie his bindings, freeing his hands. She left the scarves tied to her headboard, issuing a guttural moan as his hands took possession of her breasts. He rose into more of a sitting position, one of his hands slipping to the small of her back as his mouth pressed passionately against hers. She quickened the pace, her thighs tightening with the effort of lifting and lowering herself on him. He moaned her name and the tremble and vulnerability in his tone brought her even closer to her climax.
Mal’s voice interrupted her fantasy and she turned her gaze from her met to meet his. She offered him a weak smile, her face flushed. He didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, was nice enough not to mention it.
“I’m sorry, Mal. I didn’t hear you. What was it that you said?”
He smiled at her in a knowing manner, placing down his tea cup on the low table in front of him. His body scooted just a bit closer to hers, the tips of his fingers brushing the dark strands of her hair. A chill raced down her spine and her heart sped up, thudding in her chest as if it threatened to burst from her ribcage. She held her breath as he leaned into her, the tip of his nose nearly touching hers. His eyes burned through her and though she held his gaze, she felt entirely nude beneath his stare.
“What were you thinking about?” He asked slowly, in a husky tone.
Her hands began to shake and the tea cup clattered briefly on its saucer before she regained full control of them. She cleared her throat in a soft, womanly manner, still holding his gaze. She was, after all, not a coward. She allowed a smirk to cover her face as she lowered the china in her hands to the table; setting it next to Mal’s and noticing how even the china made a nice couple. She leaned back into her previous position and lifted a hand, placing it gently on his bicep and giving a squeeze.
Mal felt his mouth go dry as her hand took possession of his arm. It was a touch that was intimate and not in the same moment. Coming from her, it set him on fire, made him hot beneath his collar and increased the desire to kiss her. Had it been Kaylee, he wouldn’t have thought twice about it. He certainly wouldn’t have suddenly found it hard to breathe.
Inara’s voice was soft and low, purposely enticing. She had every intention of paying him back for earlier. “I was thinking about…” She paused, licking her lips and smiling again, the corners of her eyes crinkling, “The things you’ll never know.”
He pulled back, smiling. She’d made his blood run hot, but she’d gotten him fair and square. He had a good sense of humor, so he didn’t mind her teasing too much.
“Well, then,” he said, his head nodding back towards the door to her shuttle, “I should get back to work. Everyone’s countin’ on me.”
She nodded her understanding and offered him another smile. “I understand. They all fall apart without their Captain.” She said this good naturedly, with a hint of teasing in her tone.
“Thanks for the tea.” He rose from his seat and offered her an awkward wave and a smile before heading out the door. He walked briskly, needing to put distance between the two of them. He needed to breathe. He needed to remember why they weren’t together, why they couldn’t be together. He didn’t stop until he reached the empty kitchen.
His hands fell to the table. His palms pressed to the smooth wood of the tabletop, his shoulder blades drawing together as his head dropped, his eyes closing. He inhaled deeply and held his breath for a few moments before exhaling in a little sigh. He looked up, his gaze on the ceiling and he spoke softly to himself in a tone so low that had anyone been in the room, they wouldn’t have heard him.
“There’re things you’ll never know, either, Inara.”
He lifted his right hand and smoothed it over his face, exhaling again. His heart screamed, “I love you”, but he knew better than to actually utter those words. He knew better than to admit how he felt. He was much better living in this hell of denial. They both were.
This entry has been tagged and made a memory for easy finding later on.
x-posted at ff_fanfic and mal_inara
Comments are <3!