Only the lonesome love us..only the careless can handle us..
I had my orientation at seaworld tonight. It was the biggest waste of 4 hours..but I basically got paid for sitting there, zoning out. So its not so bad. I met a girl named Lindsay there..she looked like she would know jodi, so I asked her and she said yes, but I guess jodi hates her. I don’t know. She seemed cool as shit.
I got wedged between two fat chicks with bad breath..Which KILLED me.
I hate this sporadic confusion. My head just feels like a tangled mass of gossamer that I cant un-knot. I hate feeling like shit. I just want to get fucked up beyond oblivion and not have to think, feel, listen, hate…I’m not looking to it to ease the way I feel..i just want a break for a few hours.
There’s only one person who makes that feeling go away..but at the same way they contribute to making me feel this confusion. I feel like a puppy whose owner finds it cute and loveable one second, then bothersome the next.
I just want…clarity. Peace of mind. Complete happiness. Maybe brian was right about the whole trying to compensate for a father figure. I doubt it, but it could be right.
I miss my dad. I miss being “daddy’s little girl.” I miss the joking around, the making fun of one another, the teasing..
I miss being little. I wish I could go back to that. I miss being able to sit on my dad’s shoulders, being able to sit on my mom’s lap and have her hold me, not knowing about the fucked up things people do, not knowing the fucked up world, being blissfully naïve, not knowing what hurt is, being innocent..pure. I want to go back to that. But I don’t. I think I just want to get out of this high school phase of life. Its bullshit. Everyone is fake, two-faced..whatever. Just not real people. I’m gunna sound up my own ass here, but I really feel I’m above my peers. I’m not completely grown, I know that..but in most ways I’m older than my years. I just want to be away from all of them.
I want so much more than this. Whatever this is. I just know its not sufficient. And its not an object.
God. I cant make odds and/or ends from my thoughts.
I’m done.
PLEASE MR GRAVEDIGGER
is playing next Friday!!!! * boner * mmmm
My panties are wet just thinking about it.
(haha j/k…but I am excited).
I got wedged between two fat chicks with bad breath..Which KILLED me.
I hate this sporadic confusion. My head just feels like a tangled mass of gossamer that I cant un-knot. I hate feeling like shit. I just want to get fucked up beyond oblivion and not have to think, feel, listen, hate…I’m not looking to it to ease the way I feel..i just want a break for a few hours.
There’s only one person who makes that feeling go away..but at the same way they contribute to making me feel this confusion. I feel like a puppy whose owner finds it cute and loveable one second, then bothersome the next.
I just want…clarity. Peace of mind. Complete happiness. Maybe brian was right about the whole trying to compensate for a father figure. I doubt it, but it could be right.
I miss my dad. I miss being “daddy’s little girl.” I miss the joking around, the making fun of one another, the teasing..
I miss being little. I wish I could go back to that. I miss being able to sit on my dad’s shoulders, being able to sit on my mom’s lap and have her hold me, not knowing about the fucked up things people do, not knowing the fucked up world, being blissfully naïve, not knowing what hurt is, being innocent..pure. I want to go back to that. But I don’t. I think I just want to get out of this high school phase of life. Its bullshit. Everyone is fake, two-faced..whatever. Just not real people. I’m gunna sound up my own ass here, but I really feel I’m above my peers. I’m not completely grown, I know that..but in most ways I’m older than my years. I just want to be away from all of them.
I want so much more than this. Whatever this is. I just know its not sufficient. And its not an object.
God. I cant make odds and/or ends from my thoughts.
I’m done.
PLEASE MR GRAVEDIGGER
is playing next Friday!!!! * boner * mmmm
My panties are wet just thinking about it.
(haha j/k…but I am excited).