(no subject)
Have you ever been so unhappy on the inside that it is finally starting to show through on the outside? I don't know what my deal is... or why I am in this mood. I mean... I have so many things going for me and so many people there for me.... but it's just doesn’t feel this endless void in my mind. I have my all my friends who as soo supportive of me all the time, I have a new love interest, my birthday is in 4 days not counting today, I got a new jeep, and I am starting a great new job on June 3rd. What more could someone as for right? Most people would say to me.... "what are you bitching about?" The truth is... I don't really know. There is something missing... something always tearing at my mind, it's not going away.
My dreams are getting worse... thanks god they aren't happening or I would have to kill myself. I couldn't live without any of my friends... It's so horrible to see the people you love soooo much suffer such a great amount of pain. Each dream brings a new friend, and a new death. I am aware when I am dreaming that it is only a dream... but it still scares the hell out of me. I just want to know what happening... one of my favorite sayings...
Don't be scared of the things that can't hurt you, be scared of not understanding the things that can
I am scared because I don't understand what CAN hurt me. I push it as far as I can... only to retract because of the not knowing what step is going to hurt me or others... it's like I can only go so far, and I never no where to stop because that feeling of fear overwhelms me.
I feel like a 25 year old trapped in a 16 year olds body. My mind goes further than I ever thought it could. Sometimes I scare myself because I am not aware of the things that I am capable of. I feel that I am only days away from something life altering... something is going to happen to me, and I am going to see something in myself. I don’t know what, when, where or how this will take place... it’s just that feeling of inevitability creeping up on me... if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. I have gotten this far, I guess it would be kinda of redundant if I gave up on myself now.
~Jerzey
My dreams are getting worse... thanks god they aren't happening or I would have to kill myself. I couldn't live without any of my friends... It's so horrible to see the people you love soooo much suffer such a great amount of pain. Each dream brings a new friend, and a new death. I am aware when I am dreaming that it is only a dream... but it still scares the hell out of me. I just want to know what happening... one of my favorite sayings...
Don't be scared of the things that can't hurt you, be scared of not understanding the things that can
I am scared because I don't understand what CAN hurt me. I push it as far as I can... only to retract because of the not knowing what step is going to hurt me or others... it's like I can only go so far, and I never no where to stop because that feeling of fear overwhelms me.
I feel like a 25 year old trapped in a 16 year olds body. My mind goes further than I ever thought it could. Sometimes I scare myself because I am not aware of the things that I am capable of. I feel that I am only days away from something life altering... something is going to happen to me, and I am going to see something in myself. I don’t know what, when, where or how this will take place... it’s just that feeling of inevitability creeping up on me... if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. I have gotten this far, I guess it would be kinda of redundant if I gave up on myself now.
~Jerzey