(no subject)
The new eminem cd is so fucking horrible. The only reason why I loved him was because of his catchy rhymes and so much anger that I can relate to. I used to play his shit all the time like 4 years ago, and then grew out of it. I bought all his cd's again(my cd booklets got stolen TWICE) and listened to them more closely than before. The new stuff sucks because he grew up and isnt angry like the old shit. So now its boring, he obviously ran out of shit the bitch about.
Anyways, I had a phase of like a month and I wrote so much and got my feelings onto notebook. All my life I kept everything inside, I dont know why, just have. I probably filled almost 2 notebooks in a matter of 3 weeks. I think thats really crazy, and I am satisfied of my work. I learned something new about myself the other day. In a particular situation that I will not say publicly, I found that I dont like the process, but its the consequence and the finish of what I do at the end. I like to look back and be reminded and reminince. I think this goes for every situation in my life. Im not sure if I can really full explain what I am trying to say, but I dont mean basic everyday life shit that you go through. Of course people dont want to go through the hardships and get to light at the end of the tunnel as quickly as possible. Thats not what I mean to say. I cant explain anymore, Im pretty sure no one understands what I mean. Only one person.
I might take one page of my notebook and copy it onto here, because I would like people to know the other side of me, the true, real side. Not the asshole, slutty Mikey Guns everyone knows. Ive put almost all of that behind me. It still hurts me inside to realize I lost some friends, gained fake friends, hurt the ones that loved me, and how much I disrespected myself as a person. Basically, I never gave a fuck about myself or anyone or the consequences the befall before my actions. If anyone was blind enough to see that, then they should open their eyes more, and pull the scales down, like I have.
Its so much better to just be more observant of your surroundings and peoples actions. You can learn so much more from this. I only wish I was smart enough to learn everything that I know now earlier, because now it feels it is too late, and the devil in me will always be a part of me, no matter how hard I try. After so many years of shit upon shit, it all builds up and takes everything that I have to defeat it. I am so close to that peak, and it will be heaven when I do. Ive been too careless for far too long, all along I was the one that I spoke hate to. I was that kid who was just another face in the crowd, I was that one that I despised of, and I was that person all along, and I never realized that. There is so much more that I want to better of, itll only be a matter of time and learning my lessons.
Thats all I have to say for now. I hope people dont think Im bullshitting or Im crazy or stupid. On a second thought, I dont give a fuck because in my mind, I know that Im better than you, and it only matters what I think because I care only of what my opinions and that is what truly matters. This last paragraph goes out to the fake people and the kids that were like me a long time ago. Find your true self, and dont pull up a mask everytime you go into public. Its just not worth it. You destroy yourself in the process, gradually, and you wont even know it until it is too late.
I have so many regrets. Its sad. really
Anyways, I had a phase of like a month and I wrote so much and got my feelings onto notebook. All my life I kept everything inside, I dont know why, just have. I probably filled almost 2 notebooks in a matter of 3 weeks. I think thats really crazy, and I am satisfied of my work. I learned something new about myself the other day. In a particular situation that I will not say publicly, I found that I dont like the process, but its the consequence and the finish of what I do at the end. I like to look back and be reminded and reminince. I think this goes for every situation in my life. Im not sure if I can really full explain what I am trying to say, but I dont mean basic everyday life shit that you go through. Of course people dont want to go through the hardships and get to light at the end of the tunnel as quickly as possible. Thats not what I mean to say. I cant explain anymore, Im pretty sure no one understands what I mean. Only one person.
I might take one page of my notebook and copy it onto here, because I would like people to know the other side of me, the true, real side. Not the asshole, slutty Mikey Guns everyone knows. Ive put almost all of that behind me. It still hurts me inside to realize I lost some friends, gained fake friends, hurt the ones that loved me, and how much I disrespected myself as a person. Basically, I never gave a fuck about myself or anyone or the consequences the befall before my actions. If anyone was blind enough to see that, then they should open their eyes more, and pull the scales down, like I have.
Its so much better to just be more observant of your surroundings and peoples actions. You can learn so much more from this. I only wish I was smart enough to learn everything that I know now earlier, because now it feels it is too late, and the devil in me will always be a part of me, no matter how hard I try. After so many years of shit upon shit, it all builds up and takes everything that I have to defeat it. I am so close to that peak, and it will be heaven when I do. Ive been too careless for far too long, all along I was the one that I spoke hate to. I was that kid who was just another face in the crowd, I was that one that I despised of, and I was that person all along, and I never realized that. There is so much more that I want to better of, itll only be a matter of time and learning my lessons.
Thats all I have to say for now. I hope people dont think Im bullshitting or Im crazy or stupid. On a second thought, I dont give a fuck because in my mind, I know that Im better than you, and it only matters what I think because I care only of what my opinions and that is what truly matters. This last paragraph goes out to the fake people and the kids that were like me a long time ago. Find your true self, and dont pull up a mask everytime you go into public. Its just not worth it. You destroy yourself in the process, gradually, and you wont even know it until it is too late.
I have so many regrets. Its sad. really