Dear Mr. Spray-On-Tan,
Your fake bake scares me. It is the kind of tan that gives children nightmares. I do not understand how all the teeny boppers can adore you so much when your skin is orange. I will admit you look decent without the tan, but I still think you look a bit odd. And damn Joss Whedon for allowing you to play a young Simon on Firefly. I will now no longer be able to look at Simon without thinking of dancing,prancing, fake bake you.
Sincerely,
A very bored Cat