it can't rain all the time.
today has been hard. i don't know why i just feel really depressed about things. i was planning on sending something with dan when he went away to basic but he won't be allowed to take half of it. all i'm allowed to send him is letters, phone cards, and pictures. so much can happen in 5 months. i'll be another year older. i'll be in my last year of high school. i feel ridiculus considering there are other people in worse situations but this is so different for me. i told myself i would never been an "army wife." and i know that i don't have a ring, or a certificate, but what else would you call it? they don't give a damn about you in the national guard unless they see that ring and certificate. you're nothing to them. you're just some other friend to them. but it's not like that. it's just as bad for most of us. i wish there was a way to make things easy. i wish there was a way to bypass certain parts of our lives. i wish people would just stop and listen. i wish i could shut off my emotions. i wish i could shove things away. this is something i can't shove away. i've tried. i've tried to think of positive things but with my parents the way they are there aren't many positive things. they seem like they are deadset on trying to tear us apart and they see the national guard as one more opportunity. people keep telling me that i shouldn't be this serious while i'm so "young." that there's a whole new world out there. that there's other guys out there. that there's other colleges out there. i'm not like that. i have to believe that two people can fall in love, no matter what age, and stay together. i have to believe that what i feel is real and is going to be there no matter what. i have to believe that someone cares enough about me in this world to stay with me and take care of me. i have to believe that i can make it into the school i want. i have to believe in dreaming. i have to believe. if you don't believe, then it's one. that thing that drags everyone down has won. i have to believe that someone actually cares about me. wants me. needs me. loves me. i have to believe i can succeed. i can be a reporter. i can be an author. i can live in chicago. i can get into northwestern. i just have to believe. for my own sanity. i can't believe everything in this world is terrible. i can't believe that this is it for me. that i'm not meant to be anywhere else but this county. i have to believe that it can't rain all the time. i just have to believe. and if someone wants to tell me otherwise. then that's not what i need in my life right now.
Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Would you lie would you run away
Am I in to deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care you're here tonight
You can take my breath away.