(no subject)

[xxsutures]

So, some of you have probably noticed that I've been slightly "distant" lately. I have, and I don't want to be anymore. I'm not sure how long this will last or not but I'm just 'depressed' and I hate using that word so much. I don't even like using it when I know that I've not been told by someone that I do have the symptoms of depression. It just feels like all I want to do anymore is stay in my room, watch tv / listen to music, or sleep. My friends and I never hang out anymore. I don't know who to 'blame' for that one. It's probably me though. I miss going out like every weekend with someone. Mostly it was Kerry, but she's got other people she hangs out with now. Then with Liz, she's really busy lately ...mostly work and WE never hang out. Then with KayDee, she and I try our best..but we suck at making plans and actually doing them. Plus, she has Josh now and I know she wants to spend time with him. (I'm not saying she's dissing me for him though...because I know she's not one to do that) And those are pretty much the only people that I have a chance...or had...with hanging out. I need new friends here. =\ I'm shy though, so it's hard to even start a conversation with anyone. Also, so many things have been getting on my nerves lately. I'm just really irritated is all. I miss Erik, a lot. We barely talk anymore and I know...like I'm positive he won't be coming to visit over the summer. I was hoping for it too much. I wish I could go, I'd save up my money and all...but going by myself to Chicago. That's a little crazy. I still would do it. ...if I could. Work, yeah definitely don't like that either. It sucks. My other "team mates" are so hard to work with, and every time I have a question I'm afriad to ask because they seem like they hate helping me. Lets see...school, my grades are still pretty good but I'm still hating it A LOT. I can't wait until it's over. And I'm so worried, too. I have one more year and I'm contemplating if I'm good enough to get into a college or even do anything involving art. I seem to suck. I have accomplished NOTHING this year in my art class. Everything I've done sucked. I even saw a kid making fun of my stuff, and to tell you the truth, that hurt. I know it sucked, but still...some people just don't understand. And I hate seeing all my friends succeed so well. I'm so jealous, I mean I AM very happy for them. It kind of gets me sad though because I'm not doing anything and I'm apparently the "artist" of my family. I really don't think I'm good enough. Anyway, back to school...I learn more and more of what I have to have to graduate. Jeez, it's stuff I didn't even know. I'm so oblivious to all that stuff. I should have paid attention more. I need to sit down with someone, go through what I need and what I already have. Gosh, this is so much. I'll probably get to more of the stuff I wanted to say later.

<3 Adrienne