I wrote a short story, so read it..and comment on what you think.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up. Don’t you know who I am?” he said. His whole body shook with anger. His glistening back glowed in the light shining from the crack above the bathroom door. Through the crack also came the sounds of music and party goers laughing and just being drunk teenagers, the people I would have called my friends about an hour ago. I had just told him about Kai. About how I had willingly gotten into a bed with a man i barely knew and gave myself to him in a way that I had refused to give myself to my boyfriend of 2 years. This high school football captain picked up his shirt, button his pants and walked out, opening the door and exposing me to the party, and the party to me. A few girls stared and then whispered to each other; a fellow football player, obviously mistaking the look on my face for a post-hook up look, ran up to him and put his arm around him, hoping for some details. Then the door shut. For a second I almost ran after him, saying that it was a lie. That we can go back to making out and I’ll get on my knees, what ever he wants. I’d even do what I did already tonight with the stranger. But then I remembered that I didnt even care.
For 3 years, all I have been is Spenser’s girlfriend. Spenser Brennan, the first freshman to be on our high school football team in 15 years. The first sophmore the start in 5 years. Then he was the first junor ever to be captain. And this year, his senior year, he was the only guy that mattered in school. If Spenser sneezed, I sneezed, and then the rest of the school said, “God Bless You.”
All throughout elementary school I had been that overweight, late blooming girl that everyone thought could be kind of funny at times, and just fucking weird at other times. During classes I would sit somewhere in the middle trying to figure out whether I was cool enough to sit with the girls in the front, or weird enough to sit with the girls in the back. Both would talk to me in private, but in public I was invisible. After almost 8 years of being invisible, I figured out that things had to change. I joined a gym, bought some weight loss supplements and shed 30 pounds in one summer. As I entered my freshman year, I actually thought that things were going to change. They sort of did.
I walked into school with the clothes I had stolen from our local mall. Didn’t my mother notice that she hadn’t bought this top or these low rise jeans for me? Did mom even notice that I had a thong half-way up my back and a black bra you could see through my shirt? No. Because my mother gets drunk at 7 am, 7 days a week. I pushed those thoughts out of my head as I went to my first class. I stood at the door trying to decide who to sit with. The freaks, or the princesses. Then I remembered that there was another gender here. I sat down with the boys. There was about 7 of them, a few in band tee shirts, a few in JV football jerseys, a few in plainer clothes, so that tonight they can go to the mall and buy whatever everyone else was wearing. As soon as I sat down in the chair i realized i had just given my self a reputation as the girl who wanted to get with all the boys. And I kind of liked it. I chatted with the boys about their summers, made up stories of drunken nights with ‘some boys from out of town’, and I could see how impressed they were in their eyes. One boy, Spenser, was talking to me the most. Staring straight into my eyes as if he had never seen me before, as if he was trying to understand me. He was telling me something about how he had made varsity football, and I just sort of nodded and went on to tell him about a party I had went to, or a boy I had kissed, when really it was a book i had read, or a romantic movie i had watched. This was the Spenser I tried to fall in love with, the Spenser I knew before the popularity hit him like a bullet.
As Spenser and I grew closer, I realized that he was my ticket to happiness. He was on his way to the top, and if I could convince him to keep me around, I could go too. So here I am. 3 years later, and I’m still waiting for the happy part to come.
As I sat in that bathroom, with no shirt on, and my pants wet from leftover bathtub splashes, I realized what had gone on here. I had used Spenser, and he had used me. I stood beside my man, smiled at all the photo oppourtunities, held his hand at Junior Prom, let him buy me tickets at the movies, and in return, I preformed any sexual favor he wanted, besides sex. I had promised Spenser that on the first day of december of our senior year, he could have my virginity. I’m pretty sure that was the only reason he stayed with me, although he made it known to the rest of the school that we fucked regularly. It was a trade, my body for his status. When we kissed, we both felt the buisness-like relationship we had going. There was no love, it was all a deal. A silent, suicidal deal. I smiled and reached for my jacket.
For 3 years, all I have been is Spenser’s girlfriend. Spenser Brennan, the first freshman to be on our high school football team in 15 years. The first sophmore the start in 5 years. Then he was the first junor ever to be captain. And this year, his senior year, he was the only guy that mattered in school. If Spenser sneezed, I sneezed, and then the rest of the school said, “God Bless You.”
All throughout elementary school I had been that overweight, late blooming girl that everyone thought could be kind of funny at times, and just fucking weird at other times. During classes I would sit somewhere in the middle trying to figure out whether I was cool enough to sit with the girls in the front, or weird enough to sit with the girls in the back. Both would talk to me in private, but in public I was invisible. After almost 8 years of being invisible, I figured out that things had to change. I joined a gym, bought some weight loss supplements and shed 30 pounds in one summer. As I entered my freshman year, I actually thought that things were going to change. They sort of did.
I walked into school with the clothes I had stolen from our local mall. Didn’t my mother notice that she hadn’t bought this top or these low rise jeans for me? Did mom even notice that I had a thong half-way up my back and a black bra you could see through my shirt? No. Because my mother gets drunk at 7 am, 7 days a week. I pushed those thoughts out of my head as I went to my first class. I stood at the door trying to decide who to sit with. The freaks, or the princesses. Then I remembered that there was another gender here. I sat down with the boys. There was about 7 of them, a few in band tee shirts, a few in JV football jerseys, a few in plainer clothes, so that tonight they can go to the mall and buy whatever everyone else was wearing. As soon as I sat down in the chair i realized i had just given my self a reputation as the girl who wanted to get with all the boys. And I kind of liked it. I chatted with the boys about their summers, made up stories of drunken nights with ‘some boys from out of town’, and I could see how impressed they were in their eyes. One boy, Spenser, was talking to me the most. Staring straight into my eyes as if he had never seen me before, as if he was trying to understand me. He was telling me something about how he had made varsity football, and I just sort of nodded and went on to tell him about a party I had went to, or a boy I had kissed, when really it was a book i had read, or a romantic movie i had watched. This was the Spenser I tried to fall in love with, the Spenser I knew before the popularity hit him like a bullet.
As Spenser and I grew closer, I realized that he was my ticket to happiness. He was on his way to the top, and if I could convince him to keep me around, I could go too. So here I am. 3 years later, and I’m still waiting for the happy part to come.
As I sat in that bathroom, with no shirt on, and my pants wet from leftover bathtub splashes, I realized what had gone on here. I had used Spenser, and he had used me. I stood beside my man, smiled at all the photo oppourtunities, held his hand at Junior Prom, let him buy me tickets at the movies, and in return, I preformed any sexual favor he wanted, besides sex. I had promised Spenser that on the first day of december of our senior year, he could have my virginity. I’m pretty sure that was the only reason he stayed with me, although he made it known to the rest of the school that we fucked regularly. It was a trade, my body for his status. When we kissed, we both felt the buisness-like relationship we had going. There was no love, it was all a deal. A silent, suicidal deal. I smiled and reached for my jacket.