(no subject)
these are the best days of our lives.
that scares me. because there are so many things thati would like to do, and knowing that i only have a few years left before i have to go to college and have a life scares me. i want it all to be happ, but i know that i will regret putting on a happy face all the time. i need to havee the bad too. i need it andi guess i kind of crave it.
for the past few weeks/month, i guess its felt like ive had a weight on my chest. and i thought it was from school, but thats over..and i thought it was from my body, but i dont think thats it, and i thought it was just from life..and that may be it. im changing and im growing and im realizing, as i quote meghans profile, who matters and who never did. i mean next year when im walking through the halls, i know who im going to wave to, who im going to hug and who im going to smile at and who im going to ignore. and i know this right now. maybe there will be a fight but in the end i know who those people are who support me. and sometimes its just not so obvious.
i hate some of the things ive been saying/doing. like...calling people whores and all kinds of bitches. its so petty. and dumb. and i mean, its funny to joke around and sutff, but sometimes when i call you a whore, i mean it. and it scares me that me, this prochoice feminist, could call another woman a whore and mean it with all that i have. so i guess i need to stop.
i also realized that i am funny. :). I know that sounds really dumb but today at my audition i realized it. I know how to make people laugh and i know how to tell a story and even if its not, make it funny. I think i might want to do stand up. My life is funny and the people and things in it are funny so maybe if i tell other poeple about things like that, they might laugh, i dont know.
anyways its 11:09 so i better leave lj to rest. goodnight.
that scares me. because there are so many things thati would like to do, and knowing that i only have a few years left before i have to go to college and have a life scares me. i want it all to be happ, but i know that i will regret putting on a happy face all the time. i need to havee the bad too. i need it andi guess i kind of crave it.
for the past few weeks/month, i guess its felt like ive had a weight on my chest. and i thought it was from school, but thats over..and i thought it was from my body, but i dont think thats it, and i thought it was just from life..and that may be it. im changing and im growing and im realizing, as i quote meghans profile, who matters and who never did. i mean next year when im walking through the halls, i know who im going to wave to, who im going to hug and who im going to smile at and who im going to ignore. and i know this right now. maybe there will be a fight but in the end i know who those people are who support me. and sometimes its just not so obvious.
i hate some of the things ive been saying/doing. like...calling people whores and all kinds of bitches. its so petty. and dumb. and i mean, its funny to joke around and sutff, but sometimes when i call you a whore, i mean it. and it scares me that me, this prochoice feminist, could call another woman a whore and mean it with all that i have. so i guess i need to stop.
i also realized that i am funny. :). I know that sounds really dumb but today at my audition i realized it. I know how to make people laugh and i know how to tell a story and even if its not, make it funny. I think i might want to do stand up. My life is funny and the people and things in it are funny so maybe if i tell other poeple about things like that, they might laugh, i dont know.
anyways its 11:09 so i better leave lj to rest. goodnight.