(no subject)
The following is allegedly an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (provides its own heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it
expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the
rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think
that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume
in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell
to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the
temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the
fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that
Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that---
since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being
which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God." THIS STUDENT
RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (provides its own heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it
expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the
rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think
that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume
in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell
to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the
temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the
fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that
Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that---
since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being
which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God." THIS STUDENT
RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"