Back2good
So I'm wide awake and was looking through my phone when I noticed that I just stopped my post the other day so abruptly. Thought I would try and finish it tonight=)
I want to get back to that good place I was talking about the other day. My relationship with my husband has never been so good. I feel like we are exactly where we should be for a couple who has been married for over 3 years. I don't remember if I ever spoke about it, but I was on the verge of leaving my husband. Although I loved him very much, his addiction to pain killers was eating away at my soul. It was hard enough that we lost both of our children. The hardest part was that he was not there for me. I needed him to be strong. I needed to be able to talk with him and cry with him. And I was capable of that for a few mins a day. But most of the time I watched him try to forget about his problems. I watched him slowly start to deteriorate. Looking back, I realize that I was an enabler. I would not allow him to buy drugs... Until I started seeing him go through withdrawals. I couldn't bare to watch him suffer...so I would give him 20 so he could get a quick fix. I hate myself for that. I aided in the thing that was killing my husband. I was just so lost. I didn't know what to do or who to talk to. I spoke with a few friends about it... But never told anyone the full truth. I never wanted anyone to know just how bad things were. I also didn't want anyone to think any less of my husband. He's not a bad guy...just troubled. Anyway, then came our blessing in disguise. My aunt calling the cops and causing us to leave the house. I don't know if that was rock bottom for jay. I don't know if it was an eye opener. I don know if he just wanted to prove them all wrong. I don't care. All I know is my husband came back to me. He goes to a methadone clinic every morning. He has not taken any pills since August 17th. He has changed so much in such a short period of time. And I couldn't. be happier. I love that I don't have to worry about him all day at work. Is he ok? Did he take too many pills? Is he in jail? Did he hurt someone or himself? These were daily questions of mine. And now he's sober. He just started working again. He cried to me yesterday. He was thinking back to seeing what those pills did to him and his life. He's so proud of himself and so am I. I could not be more grateful I have him back. And as naive as this may sound, I'm pretty certain I have him back for good.
Financially, we suck. Our credit sucks and our debt is outrageous. I don't know how we are going to fix this mess we are in. I can tell you though, after the hurdles we've been through, I have faith that well make it through.
Work for me sucks. I'm basically being punished. When I found out I was pregnant with Dominick, I kind of put my job responsibilities on the back burner. Then when I found out he had gastroschesis, it only got worse. I did bare minimal at work. I was too busy worrying about my unborn child. Well the day I got back from maternity leave I was pulled into hr with one of managers and yelled at. None of my work was set given back to me. I am basically there to be my managers bitch. Although most of he time I'm have nothing to do. Now that jay is working again, I'm going to look for another job.
Well, I think I'm going to end this now. It really is a pain in the ass trying to post on my phone. Good night!
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