(no subject)
So I apparently suck at keeping up with my journal. I don't know why either. I guess I'm pretty busy. Any free time I have, I usually just want to lay down and relax. My life has been a hectic roller coaster for what seems like forever. After the death of my son, I just have not been able to get a handle on things. Well, here I am again...about to make the same statement I have said so many times before. I will update my journal more often. To any friends I still have...thank you for not deleting me=)
Well, Christmas is only a few days away. I have still not finished my shopping. Right now, I have to wait for my next check to get the rest. Which means, I will most likely be waiting until Friday, aka Christmas Eve...awesome! Lol...I hate shopping this close to Christmas! The stores are always so crowded and people can be so mean! But, I can't afford to do anything about it. Luckily, I think I can get the last of what I need all at one store. In and out....
This Christmas, I will be sharing with everyone something I found out a few weeks ago. I am pregnant...again. I went for ultrasound to confirm it on Thursday...7 weeks today. I decided at first that I didn't want to tell anyone...and that included my husband. He has still not actually handled the loss of Benjamin. I'm not sure he would survive if it happened again. I'm not sure if I could either. I didn't want to tell anyone else either, because it's no fun having to tell them all that things didn't turn out so well. I thought about waiting til after my first trimester...but I lost Bejamin at 7 months! Thats why I am so scared....and excited...and nervous...and thrilled. I want a child here with me so bad. I am so afraid of being pregnant. I want to tell people so I can talk to someone if I am feeling nervous about something. I need support. I need people around me. And it's not like I will be able to hide it at 7 months lol. So I decided, that I will tell my family and close friends on Christmas.
I thought it would be a nice little gift to share with everyone and for myself<3