(no subject)
Okay okay.
I'm not tremendously sad because there still are 50 days left but I swear, I'm going to be miserable from June 12-June 19. I'm going to have a million thoughts running through my head every minute of the day. Where is he right now? Is he healthy? Is he hydrated? Is he sunburned? Is he alone? Did he get enough sleep? Did he meet someone? Has he touched another girl? Is he interested in another girl? Is he losing interest in me?...................
the list goes on for miles and miles of thought time.
And I know that right when he gets back we'll have a week to talk about how amazing of a time he had and everything and then we'll go on our vacation. But could that period in between be where he figures out I'm nothing more to him than another starbucks customer? That all his efforts and thought out romantic plans for us was just a waste of time on someone he thought would have been worthe his time. John is so amazing - any girl woould die. Including all the famous females as well. I'm sure Rhianna would leave Chris Brown the second her and John exchanged hellos.
I am terrible. and selfish.
I want him to go.
I want him to be happy.
I want him to come back to me with fun family stories and sweet memories.
I want this to eb okay for me.
Why am I so fucking insecure. Damnit. Another left over from the epic love tragedy of Jessie and Ben. Why did he fuck me over so badly? I was a good girl when he went to Florida. And Michigan. and Nevada. I went away for a week and everything fell apart.
I am terrible. and selfish.
I am so sorry.
Me<----------- Bad girlfriend. Hateful, selfish, terrible.
I'm not tremendously sad because there still are 50 days left but I swear, I'm going to be miserable from June 12-June 19. I'm going to have a million thoughts running through my head every minute of the day. Where is he right now? Is he healthy? Is he hydrated? Is he sunburned? Is he alone? Did he get enough sleep? Did he meet someone? Has he touched another girl? Is he interested in another girl? Is he losing interest in me?...................
the list goes on for miles and miles of thought time.
And I know that right when he gets back we'll have a week to talk about how amazing of a time he had and everything and then we'll go on our vacation. But could that period in between be where he figures out I'm nothing more to him than another starbucks customer? That all his efforts and thought out romantic plans for us was just a waste of time on someone he thought would have been worthe his time. John is so amazing - any girl woould die. Including all the famous females as well. I'm sure Rhianna would leave Chris Brown the second her and John exchanged hellos.
I am terrible. and selfish.
I want him to go.
I want him to be happy.
I want him to come back to me with fun family stories and sweet memories.
I want this to eb okay for me.
Why am I so fucking insecure. Damnit. Another left over from the epic love tragedy of Jessie and Ben. Why did he fuck me over so badly? I was a good girl when he went to Florida. And Michigan. and Nevada. I went away for a week and everything fell apart.
I am terrible. and selfish.
I am so sorry.
Me<----------- Bad girlfriend. Hateful, selfish, terrible.