My Misery is now My Mental Sanity (Long Reading)
An update of mine that I document to always look upon in regards to an action I took that I truly feel is an accomplishment. I always udated on current issues that were presently going on at the time to vent out in words the best I could in explanation of my emotions I held inside. I've done this in poem, some things are a good start for a song and such. But this time I want to write in a form as if this was my secret diary that only few if anyone at all would be allowed to read. Reasons behind the little change is that I am no longer letting mental issues stand in my way, I no longer will bottle feelings and thoughts inside of me. I now am past the point of being embarrist of my downfalls. I now chose to admit my downs and face them openly. I trust that in doing this I only become stronger even if I need guidence or help. I trust that the people in my life that I open up to care, by this I have a image of people who are worth the time and truly are a frined will be here for me even if that means telling me "Look maybe that's how you feel, or how you see it, or your assumption; but your wrong your not thinking it fully though or very clearly" I give respect to one who can have the balls to come to my face and show me a point of view I am not seeing. Anyways the whole point of this is to get out in words that I am ridding of a past misery. It has put a closer to feelings and thoughts I had that only held me back, but now is turning into a mental sanity of mine that has opened my eyes.
I will not mention the name of a person who encouraged this in respect to a tense and hard situation that had taken place in the past. I acted in a way to her that could have ruined my relationship with John. I let depreesion take over me and as a result had many negative feelings to the point of losing trust in everything( myself, others, my soon to be husband etc...) But the thing is I can admit the only one who did any harm or wrong doing was me. I acted very aggressive in attempt to chase her out of John's life and spoke many things that hurt her. I now can see, I now know, and I now feel that she was a person who got to know John before I entered his life. She is a person that has been their for him as a freind. The freind that always listened, fogave any mistakes he made and respected him as a person. They grow a stronger relationship as friends over time and over many bad situations by communication and presence. I am thankful that she has recently got back in touch with John. I made that very hard for her to do. And I respect her so much for putting aside how tense I made things and being able to have the strength and guts to say he is a friend and not backing down to anything to stop that or change it. I wish I had a person who I could consider a friend, one that would do this for me. I am sorry for letting my mental issues get in the way. I am thankful that she tried again anyway. And I now see that My husband to be is very lucky to have this kind of relationship...that I have to respect his friends and become a freind as well.
And to end this long emotional blithering I now feel relieved that I told this to her, that I meant it, and that I feel it. I am proud in myself for opening up and admitting I was wrong and that in doing this,as hard as it was, I only improved myself. The communication between John and I has improved so much. I feel like I truly know him and this experince was defeinately a hard test for me to pass, but I thank both of you for the whole thing happening. I passed, I slowly dealt with it step by step, the test is over and now we can move on. Both of you can hold on to something special without tension and I learned to clear my head even if it takes John's agreed willingness to help my see and I am hoping that this person will at least forgive my mistakes if she cannot forget. I really would like to get to know her for who she is and what for is said about her. I am told that she is real, devoted, fun, good with words, one of the only ones who tries to keep in touch after all the years and changes. Basically a good person, and a true friend.
Her name I have left out
For us, to know what this is about
Tension has past us by
A memory, to tell goodbye
Forgiveness i ask of you
Me to gain your freindship too
To forget, my act of wrong
Can't be, then you still kept strong
Now I learned, now I know
Respect given, and thanks I owe
All in you, I give all this
One who's looked at as Lil Sis
I will not mention the name of a person who encouraged this in respect to a tense and hard situation that had taken place in the past. I acted in a way to her that could have ruined my relationship with John. I let depreesion take over me and as a result had many negative feelings to the point of losing trust in everything( myself, others, my soon to be husband etc...) But the thing is I can admit the only one who did any harm or wrong doing was me. I acted very aggressive in attempt to chase her out of John's life and spoke many things that hurt her. I now can see, I now know, and I now feel that she was a person who got to know John before I entered his life. She is a person that has been their for him as a freind. The freind that always listened, fogave any mistakes he made and respected him as a person. They grow a stronger relationship as friends over time and over many bad situations by communication and presence. I am thankful that she has recently got back in touch with John. I made that very hard for her to do. And I respect her so much for putting aside how tense I made things and being able to have the strength and guts to say he is a friend and not backing down to anything to stop that or change it. I wish I had a person who I could consider a friend, one that would do this for me. I am sorry for letting my mental issues get in the way. I am thankful that she tried again anyway. And I now see that My husband to be is very lucky to have this kind of relationship...that I have to respect his friends and become a freind as well.
And to end this long emotional blithering I now feel relieved that I told this to her, that I meant it, and that I feel it. I am proud in myself for opening up and admitting I was wrong and that in doing this,as hard as it was, I only improved myself. The communication between John and I has improved so much. I feel like I truly know him and this experince was defeinately a hard test for me to pass, but I thank both of you for the whole thing happening. I passed, I slowly dealt with it step by step, the test is over and now we can move on. Both of you can hold on to something special without tension and I learned to clear my head even if it takes John's agreed willingness to help my see and I am hoping that this person will at least forgive my mistakes if she cannot forget. I really would like to get to know her for who she is and what for is said about her. I am told that she is real, devoted, fun, good with words, one of the only ones who tries to keep in touch after all the years and changes. Basically a good person, and a true friend.
Her name I have left out
For us, to know what this is about
Tension has past us by
A memory, to tell goodbye
Forgiveness i ask of you
Me to gain your freindship too
To forget, my act of wrong
Can't be, then you still kept strong
Now I learned, now I know
Respect given, and thanks I owe
All in you, I give all this
One who's looked at as Lil Sis