cold!
Its cold and raining, i am locked out of my house, and my white T.S is see threw. MOTHER FUCKER. I decided am gonna atempt the run aways thing again! after my dads last effort of breaking my leg and the little hope i had left that he would change. Being called a whore and a slut don't hurt anymore i learned to cope with my pain by popping 8 ibprofn and taking 4 sleepingf tablets to pass the fuck out. It feels good. Roxie thinks i am crazy for nummbing myselft,but who woudn't it sucks to be me right now. The plan is to be asleep till this month ends, till i get a ticket out of here and be at home in calie. No ONE knows how sad i am. if i stay here anylonger i think i will die. No kidding! but i love life so i am holding out.
I am still out in the rain on my brand new cell phone, thank the lord it goes online!!!! Just commented on Q's live journal, told him how crappy it is here. bet he is laughing at how stupid i am, thinking i did this to myslef. Haven't talked to nina for a long time. it hurts too much. so i love ya nina sorry! I am just trying not to feel anything till i leave this place. You were right i should have left when i got to the bus station that last time. Why didnt' i listen, i think cuz i wanted all the hope for my father getting better to be gone forever.
God i can't belive i am still out here its been forever. Today i went out on a secret date with chris a guy i met at a club. He was really cool, payed for lunch. I acted like i was normal with no probs. hahaha but only if he really knew.
I am shaking cuz i am so cold, my hair is so wet it looks like i just took a shower. WHY am i here! Am i really a whore, and such a bad kid who really desearves this? I thought i wasn't, but why am i beingf punished for life like this.
I need money sooo bad the jack ass took all of it. he spent it all on booz like always. Hey that made me realize i guess father like daughter. In SD i spent all my money on booz too!
Nina this is for u: Sorry ur parents are fighting, and ur mom keeps telling u she wants to divorse ur dad, it sucks i know! but think about how lucky u are. Your so smart, talented and such a loving person. I canb't belive i am friends with such a wonderful human being! again why are u friends with me...seriously. Everyone was right in SD,i am fake. i faked my way to have friends, i faked my way to be happy. You better get good grades missy!! and stick to the plan, hook up with tyler and **** you know who that person is!! you two better get together and have little nina and **** kids all over the place. no joke lol...its my dream for u hahahah forget Raj and all the other guys. **** is cool and very cute i mush add. I wonder about how much fun we would have living in the same aprtment if i would have stayed. I can't beleive i gave it all up to be here..in the fuckn rain!!! getting beat! should have listend to u!
Pray i make it out of here!!!!