I can feel.
I <3 Ellie, she's my favorite on Degrassi.
Ya know...last night, something funny happened. I was looking through old stuff (fun but painful) and I found this script. A 3-page script of a play called My Cup Runneth Over. And I remembered - that was me and Sara's duet acting final in theatre, 1st semester. I remember how we only knew half of it, so we improved the 2nd half and got an "A" anyways! Hehe...but yeah, I thought some more.
And during this, I was on the phone with Tony. And I found myself crying. And all I could keep saying was, "I miss her. I miss her..." And it was weird to hear myself say it. But it turns out I meant it, because then I felt the tears. And that was new.
I haven't cried about Sara since what? October, when I spilled my guts out onto a journal entry and she made fun of me... Crazy. But anyway, then to make matters more ridiculous, I actually thought I should try to be friends with her again. And then I laughed at myself. What a joke! That's not gonna happen.
It'll never happen. It's completely and totally impossible.
She doesn't matter anymore though. But I was there for her when she needed it. And she sees it all as a one-sided thing. She thinks she was only ever there for me, but I did nothing. And for a second, I actually thought she was right. But guess what?
It was NOT one-sided. I was there for her, every time! And I could name 'em all right here, right now!
...
But she always hated when I took private things and made them public. And even though we're not friends anymore, I respect that.
I dunno why I waste brain-space on her. Lord knows she doesn't think of me. She HAS a life. Me...I just dwell in memories and that's what holds me back.
Okay. I vented. I been doing that a lot lately.
'til later.
-Romi.