(no subject)
this battle isn't something i'm used to, the rollercoaster and the sinking spirits. grammy went so quickly. it was so hard to take and watch, but at the same time...while i know she suffered, it wasn't long. but this back and forth with pop, watching his spirits sink lower and lower as he struggles just to breathe...part of me is almost glad i'm down here in maryland and not up there. and i'm such a horrible person for thinking that. but i was there, i took care of my grammy as she died. i saw it, i smelled it, i heard it, i felt it... i don't think i could take that again. it's hard enough seeing him skinnier and skinnier every few weeks, it's hard hearing him struggle for breath. it brings back the image of grammy's sunken, skeletal face, that haunting look in the day before she died. i just don't know, there aren't even words. i hate cancer. i hate my mom's god (he sure isn't mine) for doing this to her and to him. i hate what he's going through. it's not fair. such a kind, gentle, sweet, compassionate man should not have the last year or two of his life be like the ones he's had. he's not even on chemo anymore, he shouldn't be struggling to breathe anymore. and it's scary that they don't know why he's having so many problems.
pop was admitted to the hospital today (again) with congestive heart failure.
pop was admitted to the hospital today (again) with congestive heart failure.