Random depression
For anyone who still pays attention to my journal...
I have come to a point in my life where i have decided that a choice must be made.. before you freak out and think i'm gonna kill myself.. how about killing that idea.. lol anyway
Today i stopped and thought about some stuff.. i realized that in my life as a single person i have ALMOST everything.. the one thing i am missing is the affection from a relationship.. like cuddling and stuff... nothing major..
Some of you might just say "well go to so-n-so's house or something" yea that makes sense to you but to me it just kinda builds my depression.. I don't want my friends to think i am using them.. but on the other hand.. i don't want to lead them on either.. so i can't just go.. it makes me this way.. kinda..
Well another thing is that when i was with Ashley, i lost contact with a good chunk of my friends and i even started to slip away from my closest friends.. i know that was partially my fault.. actually mostly my fault.. but in the past month i have had people make so many plans with me and try to do soo many things.. it's been AWESOME.. and i really don't want that to go away again.. i'm afriad that if i get into another relationship that it will... *sigh*
So i'm left with two choices in my mind...
1. Get into another relationship and risk losing the kind of friendships i have now. which i really dun wanna do.. i've already got plans to go to Orlando in October with some girl-friends and other people i duno.. and i wanna go up to GA over winter break for a lil bit to see Ashley S. (Ash doesn't want me to come if i am in a relationship b/c she doesn't wanna create problems)
2. Stay single and continue the way i am right now where i'm only happy surrounded by my friends. Thanks so much all of you..
If anyone has any advice or comments please leave them.. i REALLY REALLY like the way things are right now with all my friends.. and i don't wanna lose it.. but i want to get into another relationship also.. *sigh*
<3 Always
Sphen
I have come to a point in my life where i have decided that a choice must be made.. before you freak out and think i'm gonna kill myself.. how about killing that idea.. lol anyway
Today i stopped and thought about some stuff.. i realized that in my life as a single person i have ALMOST everything.. the one thing i am missing is the affection from a relationship.. like cuddling and stuff... nothing major..
Some of you might just say "well go to so-n-so's house or something" yea that makes sense to you but to me it just kinda builds my depression.. I don't want my friends to think i am using them.. but on the other hand.. i don't want to lead them on either.. so i can't just go.. it makes me this way.. kinda..
Well another thing is that when i was with Ashley, i lost contact with a good chunk of my friends and i even started to slip away from my closest friends.. i know that was partially my fault.. actually mostly my fault.. but in the past month i have had people make so many plans with me and try to do soo many things.. it's been AWESOME.. and i really don't want that to go away again.. i'm afriad that if i get into another relationship that it will... *sigh*
So i'm left with two choices in my mind...
1. Get into another relationship and risk losing the kind of friendships i have now. which i really dun wanna do.. i've already got plans to go to Orlando in October with some girl-friends and other people i duno.. and i wanna go up to GA over winter break for a lil bit to see Ashley S. (Ash doesn't want me to come if i am in a relationship b/c she doesn't wanna create problems)
2. Stay single and continue the way i am right now where i'm only happy surrounded by my friends. Thanks so much all of you..
If anyone has any advice or comments please leave them.. i REALLY REALLY like the way things are right now with all my friends.. and i don't wanna lose it.. but i want to get into another relationship also.. *sigh*
<3 Always
Sphen