i'm a ramblin fool...
it's been almost 3 years since grandpa passed away. 2 days from now, if i remember correctly. i think and dream about him all the time.
and i remember going to the hospital while he was breathing heavy...and seeing his last meal get pumped into his stomach...it hurts to remember this stuff. i stay strong cause he told me while he was getting worse that i needed to stand up for myself. i've done what he told me to.
when i rushed my fraternity, i didn't know our president was a drug dealer. it took forever for mw to finally find out...almost a whole semester. i feel so stupid now for not realizing it. that fat motherfucker sold coke to a guy named josh -or "red". red told me in the bathroom of bake's old house, as he snorted a line (and offered me a line - to which i quickly declined...) that i would become president of...our group. we've always seemed somewhat of a motley crew. we have lace- one of the most well-spoken black people i've ever met and also one of the funniest and friendliest people i've ever met...bacon- a guy who's in his early 20's and looks like he should have already had 3 or 4 heart attacks...jones- the loudest motherfucker ever...ninja - the quirkiest person i have ever met- barnone... and so on and so forth. these guys all knew before me. they were all in denial, even though some of them HAVE bought from bake, they all refused (and still refuse) to accept that this is detrimental to our image on campus. so i've told them all - one by one. i've told them how to save our group.
i went to the bar, got drunk and angry, and said that during a meeting i'd ask for a bank statement to see where my money was going.
when i followed up, i raised eyebrows. i've been hounding our treasurer to do his job - and to do it correctly. money's disappearing...we owe nationals $1400 before the end of the month. our current group has pissed all our money away. yet, i've voiced my discontent. and in doing so, during the meeting last sunday, they've already attempted to audibly vote me out. lace and everybody said no...that they'd rather vote on paper. but i realize that my being vocal has gotten me in some hot water.
i'm supposed to accept these guys as brothers. i pay money and put in time to do so. but what do you do when you have brothers with knives behind their backs? i'm against a wall here. i have friends backing me up. but my head's been thrown on the chopping block and it's so fuckin close to elections that i just might miss my opportunity to become president. i can't describe how angry that'd make me.
so, i've talked to the executive director...the big guy in the national scope of things. and i'll be chatting with him all the way through elections. if things don't happen just right...and some stupid ass pot head or lazy ass gets voted president, i'm gonna call my new friend and arrange to have a new chapter started on campus. what's funny about it- is that i could get my way.
so, speaking of feisty, i still can't believe how long it's taking me to accept that grandma's no longer with us.
i think about how nobody's called me chaser. nobody since her.
i think about how i can't tuck anybody in anymore. i can't kiss her cheek goodnight.
i can't hold her hand. i can't kiss her on the cheek repeatedly. i can't take it.
life is fleeting. but goddammit she went to fast. it was all too quick.
goddammit, life is just starting to look like a rotting fruit. and if i bite it anymore, it's just gonna be bitter and disgusting. it's making me sick. i think about the state of things...how close this planet is to blowing itself up...and i realize we're in the middle of a cycle. the dinosaurs were too fucking stupid to create nuclear arms. they were annihilatedby a fucking meteor. we're gonna press the restart button by having a nuclear holocaust cause a bunch of fucking morons feel like saying their religion is holier than the other group's. that's something where no matter how hard i fight against it, it's still inevitable. and there's nothing i can do to stop it. it's also why i'm having a crisis of religion. i don't know what to believe anymore. so i settled on an idea, and i hope you'll agree:
there is a god. there's a supreme being. but he's not a loving god. so go and fend for yourself. fight your own battles. judge wrong and right off of what you've been taught and at least try to live a decent life.
cause there's a possibility i'm wrong.
and i remember going to the hospital while he was breathing heavy...and seeing his last meal get pumped into his stomach...it hurts to remember this stuff. i stay strong cause he told me while he was getting worse that i needed to stand up for myself. i've done what he told me to.
when i rushed my fraternity, i didn't know our president was a drug dealer. it took forever for mw to finally find out...almost a whole semester. i feel so stupid now for not realizing it. that fat motherfucker sold coke to a guy named josh -or "red". red told me in the bathroom of bake's old house, as he snorted a line (and offered me a line - to which i quickly declined...) that i would become president of...our group. we've always seemed somewhat of a motley crew. we have lace- one of the most well-spoken black people i've ever met and also one of the funniest and friendliest people i've ever met...bacon- a guy who's in his early 20's and looks like he should have already had 3 or 4 heart attacks...jones- the loudest motherfucker ever...ninja - the quirkiest person i have ever met- barnone... and so on and so forth. these guys all knew before me. they were all in denial, even though some of them HAVE bought from bake, they all refused (and still refuse) to accept that this is detrimental to our image on campus. so i've told them all - one by one. i've told them how to save our group.
i went to the bar, got drunk and angry, and said that during a meeting i'd ask for a bank statement to see where my money was going.
when i followed up, i raised eyebrows. i've been hounding our treasurer to do his job - and to do it correctly. money's disappearing...we owe nationals $1400 before the end of the month. our current group has pissed all our money away. yet, i've voiced my discontent. and in doing so, during the meeting last sunday, they've already attempted to audibly vote me out. lace and everybody said no...that they'd rather vote on paper. but i realize that my being vocal has gotten me in some hot water.
i'm supposed to accept these guys as brothers. i pay money and put in time to do so. but what do you do when you have brothers with knives behind their backs? i'm against a wall here. i have friends backing me up. but my head's been thrown on the chopping block and it's so fuckin close to elections that i just might miss my opportunity to become president. i can't describe how angry that'd make me.
so, i've talked to the executive director...the big guy in the national scope of things. and i'll be chatting with him all the way through elections. if things don't happen just right...and some stupid ass pot head or lazy ass gets voted president, i'm gonna call my new friend and arrange to have a new chapter started on campus. what's funny about it- is that i could get my way.
so, speaking of feisty, i still can't believe how long it's taking me to accept that grandma's no longer with us.
i think about how nobody's called me chaser. nobody since her.
i think about how i can't tuck anybody in anymore. i can't kiss her cheek goodnight.
i can't hold her hand. i can't kiss her on the cheek repeatedly. i can't take it.
life is fleeting. but goddammit she went to fast. it was all too quick.
goddammit, life is just starting to look like a rotting fruit. and if i bite it anymore, it's just gonna be bitter and disgusting. it's making me sick. i think about the state of things...how close this planet is to blowing itself up...and i realize we're in the middle of a cycle. the dinosaurs were too fucking stupid to create nuclear arms. they were annihilatedby a fucking meteor. we're gonna press the restart button by having a nuclear holocaust cause a bunch of fucking morons feel like saying their religion is holier than the other group's. that's something where no matter how hard i fight against it, it's still inevitable. and there's nothing i can do to stop it. it's also why i'm having a crisis of religion. i don't know what to believe anymore. so i settled on an idea, and i hope you'll agree:
there is a god. there's a supreme being. but he's not a loving god. so go and fend for yourself. fight your own battles. judge wrong and right off of what you've been taught and at least try to live a decent life.
cause there's a possibility i'm wrong.