And You're Falling From The Bridge That Goes Straight Into The Verse
I feel really guilty right now. Cameron is one of the nicest guys I know and probably the best friend I have right now. And there’s still a number of reasons it wouldn’t work (I don’t want to ruin this friendship, I still don’t know how I feel about him, I’m way too screwed up to try anything right now) but he’s... do you know what it’s like to really want to fall in love with someone? I wrote a really bitter poem last night about the whole Tiff/Chris/me thing and, well, look:
she doesn't know him like i do
and she never will
but she can love one side of him
and think she knows what's behind
those "clear" eyes
and she can hand out roses
and say "i realy think i lav him"
here’s a question, honey
do you know what to do
when he talks to himself?
or how to keep him from
getting kicked out of school?
do you know what “a tout le monde”
means to him?
didn’t think so
because only someone who truly
cares would know those things
(do you even know
his middle name?)
and she still doesn't know him like i do
and she'll never know him like i do
(and she'll never love him like i do)
a/n: one of my best friends has decided she likes my ex. so we've gotten into a huge fight about it that's divided our whole group and now we're not speaking and my ex is avoiding me, too. because i choose not to gossip, everyone just hears her side of the story, so they're basically all on her side. and it really angers me because, well, she just doesn't know him. and, god, she said she "lavs" him. how can i take that seriously?! ugh, my friends are so shallow.
cigarette cliche,
The following review has been submitted to: she doesn't know him Chapter: 1
From: Cam()
Hey, i'm still on your side, and will be for some time to come, and yeah, I can
tell what you mean
All it takes it that. I just need one person to totally be on my side. And he doesn’t even know the full story. I haven’t told him everything. He’s got a way with me, though... I mean, I’m pretty good at hiding what’s going on in my head, but he always seems to know when I’m upset. I can only imagine how hard this can be for him, though- to have the girl he likes being in love with one of his best friends. But the fact that he’s still here supporting me... I actually cried when I read that, even though it was only one simple sentence.
The day sucked, by the way. I was feeling so sick and so depressed that I had an anxiety attack. I was actually shaking. And Stephen came over at two to do math with me, but I made my mom send him home. I was crying and trembling and she still wanted me to just come downstairs and talk to him. I was like, “Mom, I know he’s one of my best friends, but no one sees me like this.” She didn’t get it. I don’t expect her to. It’s a pride thing. The only person I’ve ever fully broken down for is... well, I don’t want to get into that now. Stevie’s coming over tomorrow, and hopefully I’ll be feeling better.
My mom just snuck up behind me and kissed me on the head. I wish she wouldn’t do that, especially when I have headphones on. It freaks me out. And when I’m feeling so jumpy already.
I’m drowning in Linkin Park and working on my story, Jamie. It’s cynical about love, so I feel it’s a good time to write it. I’m also ignoring the world, so if anyone thinks I’m mad at them... once again, I really want to shut everyone out but Cameron. Yesterday when I was near tears, I actually found myself murmuring, “I want Cameron...” How crazy is it that I’m relying on him so much? It’s just... he’s the only one that seems to understand. And I’m serious... I don’t even understand.
Edit: Never mind. I think I’m making him happy enough. Friends with benefits is working for now. Just... well, look:
.--------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Session Start: Saturday, June 03, 2006 |
| Participants: |
| ...ime somebody saved your life? (purple_jillybean@hotmail.com) |
| ...ose who can't hear the music (cameronwesthaver7@hotmail.com) |
.--------------------------------------------------------------------.
[08:08:48 PM] {Cameron}---: Feeling any better?
[08:09:02 PM] I have alway: actually, yes!
[08:09:18 PM] {Cameron}---: Good!
[08:09:35 PM] I have alway: i am slightly high off cold medication
though lol
[08:09:46 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, always a fun time
[08:10:03 PM] I have alway: oh yes
[08:10:31 PM] {Cameron}---: So I have something to ask you, did you
know that I was going to ask you out?
[08:10:43 PM] I have alway: i kind of guessed
[08:11:07 PM] {Cameron}---: *sigh* If I was a super hero, I would be
obvious man
[08:11:36 PM] I have alway: oh don't worry, i don't even know the
meaning of the world subtle :P trust me, i'm impossibly
obvious, too
[08:12:20 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, I try to be, but then I fail
miserably
[08:12:22 PM] {Cameron}---: Oh well
[08:12:48 PM] I have alway: ha, i've given up on trying to be
[08:13:15 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, nice
[08:13:46 PM] I have alway: i just kind of... fling myself at people
lol
[08:14:00 PM] {Cameron}---: And how's that work for you?
[08:14:25 PM] I have alway: usually works with guys... usually scares
girls haha
[08:15:10 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, I wish I could say the same, but it
seems to scare both sexs >.<
[08:15:49 PM] I have alway: it's easier if you're tiny and harmless
looking
[08:16:08 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, not huge and looking like you could
throw them
[08:16:20 PM] {Cameron}---: Doesn't work too well
[08:16:56 PM] I have alway: yeah, but i'm not as harmless once they
get to know me, lol
[08:17:51 PM] {Cameron}---: Ah, but being harmless is so overrated,
you need to throw them off, keeps people on their feet,
plus, harmless isn't as much fun;)
[08:18:17 PM] I have alway: oh, i agree ;)
[08:19:02 PM] {Cameron}---: :P
[08:19:17 PM] I have alway: but sometimes it's hard to hide the marks
lol
[08:19:33 PM] {Cameron}---: Sorry
[08:19:45 PM] {Cameron}---: :P
[08:19:50 PM] I have alway: sure you are :P
[08:19:58 PM] {Cameron}---: Maybe a little part of me
[08:20:31 PM] I have alway: it's usually the guys trying to explain
the bite marks to their mothers, so this is an
interesting change
[08:21:15 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, It's gotten to the point where my
mother just looks at my neck, sighs, and then leaves the
room
[08:21:51 PM] {Cameron}---: Usually muttering something about how she
could have lived without knowing what exactly I had been
doing
[08:22:00 PM] I have alway: haha
[08:22:17 PM] {Cameron}---: The thing you gotta look out for is
Grandmothers
[08:22:40 PM] I have alway: oh yes, my grandmother still calls my
boyfriend my "little friends" :P
[08:23:01 PM] {Cameron}---: "little friends" eh?
[08:23:31 PM] {Cameron}---: Wouldn't "Little friends with very nice
privilages" be more approprate?
[08:24:00 PM] I have alway: lol
[08:24:17 PM] I have alway: she's better at dealing with it than my
mother, though
[08:24:30 PM] {Cameron}---: How does your mother react?
[08:24:51 PM] I have alway: she'd react a lot more if she knew more...
she still thinks i've never been kissed lol
[08:24:59 PM] {Cameron}---: O.O
[08:25:02 PM] {Cameron}---: Woah
[08:25:16 PM] I have alway: lol yeah
[08:26:22 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, It was great tonight, I was trying to
get some sealing stuff off a bottle, my dad walks in,
and yells out to my mom "I think he's been single too
long, he's frenchin' a bottle!"
[08:26:36 PM] I have alway: oh my god, lol!
[08:26:48 PM] {Cameron}---: It was rather interesting
[08:27:51 PM] I have alway: if my dad ever said anything like that my
mom would probably tell him that i'm too young to hear
about stuff like that lol
[08:28:07 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, thats great
[08:28:54 PM] {Cameron}---: My mom would be the one who would add more
to the fire
[08:29:41 PM] I have alway: my dad's usually like that... except for
the time he found a condom in my wallet, then he got
kind of pissed
[08:29:57 PM] {Cameron}---: Ouch, how did that go?
[08:30:27 PM] I have alway: well, considering i was with freddy at the
time... the whole look on his face was "you're not
sleeping with THAT, are you?!"
[08:30:32 PM] I have alway: i actually told him it was holly's
[08:30:50 PM] {Cameron}---: That has to be the funnist thing i've ever
heard
[08:32:17 PM] {Cameron}---: My dad (depending on his mood) would
probably sit me down and say something to the effect of
"Son, I found this in your pocket (holds condom up) now
tell me one thing.....is she hot?
[08:32:25 PM] I have alway: lol!
[08:32:42 PM] {Cameron}---: He would actually probably say something
like that
[08:33:03 PM] I have alway: that's awesome
[08:34:25 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, I thought so
[08:34:50 PM] I have alway: i so wish my parents were like that
[08:35:08 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, its a nice break
[08:38:08 PM] {Cameron}---: So anyway, what are you up to?
[08:38:47 PM] I have alway: nothing really... i was trying to write
until i realized that with my head this fuzzy, i can't
even really form sentences :P
[08:39:11 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, always a good thing
[08:40:10 PM] {Cameron}---: Are you going to do more on your letters
to ben?
[08:40:37 PM] I have alway: i'll try to finish it once school ends, i
promise
[08:40:44 PM] {Cameron}---: ^^
[08:40:47 PM] {Cameron}---: Excellent
[08:41:55 PM] {Cameron}---: *danceHappy dance time
[08:41:59 PM] I have alway: haha
[08:42:20 PM] {Cameron}---: Actually this is a better happy dance*ban
[08:42:40 PM] I have alway: aww it's cute!
[08:42:57 PM] {Cameron}---: Holy crap, it did the moonwalk!
[08:43:04 PM] {Cameron}---: I never noticed that before
[08:43:49 PM] I have alway: you should be more observant!
[08:44:01 PM] {Cameron}---: ....Yeah, I should
[08:44:06 PM] {Cameron}---: But oh well, moonwalk!
[08:44:20 PM] I have alway: heehee
[08:44:50 PM] {Cameron}---: It does the riverdance too!
[08:45:05 PM] I have alway: that's amazing!
[08:45:26 PM] {Cameron}---: Now I want a dancing banana
[08:45:44 PM] I have alway: ... sorry, but i don't think they're real
[08:45:55 PM] {Cameron}---: *tear*
[08:46:09 PM] I have alway: maybe if you get really stoned they will
be
[08:46:29 PM] {Cameron}---: Naw, drugs aren't my thing
[08:46:38 PM] {Cameron}---: Now maybe if I drink enough caffenne
[08:47:01 PM] {Cameron}---: Coffee time!
[08:47:10 PM] I have alway: oh dear lol
[08:47:24 PM] {Cameron}---: Come on, coffee rocks!
[08:47:56 PM] I have alway: if i drink coffee, i get so impossibly
hyper, you'd want to kill me
[08:48:37 PM] {Cameron}---: I don't think i'd want to kill you, now
restrain is a different story;)
[08:48:52 PM] I have alway: well i wouldn't mind that ;)
[08:49:11 PM] {Cameron}---: Fun ;)
[08:50:25 PM] {Cameron}---: Should put that to the test sometime.....
[08:50:52 PM] I have alway: lol
[08:51:15 PM] {Cameron}---: Oh well, kissing your neck is also quite
fun;)
[08:51:45 PM] I have alway: i'll admit to nothing :P
[08:52:12 PM] {Cameron}---: Really? Cause I'm kinda sure I heard a
moan at some point
[08:52:40 PM] I have alway: i'm also not denying anything :P
[08:53:02 PM] {Cameron}---: *licks lips* Oh the infinate
possabilities
[08:55:16 PM] I have alway: you're such a whore :P
[08:55:40 PM] {Cameron}---: Hey now, thats such a strong word......I
prefer "Adventerous"
[08:55:54 PM] I have alway: what about... kinky?
[08:56:07 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, thats a very fitting term
[08:56:16 PM] I have alway: good ;)
[08:56:38 PM] {Cameron}---: "Life would be boring without the kinks in
it"
[08:56:43 PM] I have alway: lol so true!
[08:56:50 PM] {Cameron}---: Exactly
[08:57:49 PM] {Cameron}---: If there were no kinks, then all the fun
people would have nothing to do anymore
[08:57:59 PM] I have alway: right!
[08:58:10 PM] {Cameron}---: Finally, someone who agrees with me
[08:58:34 PM] I have alway: i agree to most things ;)
[08:58:56 PM] {Cameron}---: You're starting to make my mouth water
[08:59:08 PM] I have alway: yeah, i have that affect on people
[08:59:17 PM] {Cameron}---: I agree entirely
[09:00:12 PM] {Cameron}---: Ok, this is starting to get weird
[09:00:54 PM] {Cameron}---: My mom, dad and brother came down asked
who I was talking to, and when I told them I was talking
to you, they all asked me "Did you ask her out again
yet?
[09:01:00 PM] I have alway: haha!
[09:01:05 PM] {Cameron}---: >.<
[09:01:15 PM] {Cameron}---: These people need their own lives
[09:01:49 PM] I have alway: my parents are the same :P
[09:02:01 PM] I have alway: and my guy friends who act like my
brothers sure as hell are :P
[09:02:09 PM] {Cameron}---: lol
[09:02:16 PM] I have alway: especially the gay ones
[09:02:30 PM] {Cameron}---: Oh yeah, gotta love gay friends
[09:02:46 PM] I have alway: they're amazing, except when they try to
steal your boyfriends
[09:02:58 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, that would suck
[09:03:21 PM] {Cameron}---: Ok, now my cousin asked me the same
thing!
[09:03:29 PM] I have alway: lol!!
[09:04:13 PM] {Cameron}---: Pretty soon i'm going to again or else I
won't get a moments peace!
[09:04:58 PM] I have alway: you'll get the same answer :P it might
change when i fix things with tiffany
[09:05:18 PM] {Cameron}---: ^^ Always better than a no
[09:05:25 PM] I have alway: i couldn't say no to you :P
[09:06:08 PM] {Cameron}---: Why thank you:-O
[09:06:15 PM] I have alway: welcome :P
[09:06:43 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, shes not talking to me anymore
either
[09:06:50 PM] I have alway: tiffany?
[09:07:07 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, she's not talking to me
[09:07:26 PM] I have alway: she's being such a bitch
[09:07:44 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, I suppose she is
[09:08:19 PM] I have alway: well, i don't even want to try to talk to
her, because i'm too tired to get in a fight lol
[09:08:55 PM] {Cameron}---: Well, I suppose all you can do is hope for
the best
[09:09:12 PM] I have alway: i don't even know what the best would be
[09:10:06 PM] {Cameron}---: Any reconsilation?
[09:10:17 PM] I have alway: i don't know if that's possible
[09:11:40 PM] {Cameron}---: Well, heres a hug, I hope that it all
works out somehow(hugs)
[09:11:49 PM] I have alway: thanks :)
[09:12:40 PM] I have alway: but i don't think it will between me and
her... maybe everybody else will get over it, at least i
hope, because almost all our mutual friends are mad at
me
[09:13:28 PM] {Cameron}---: All because like you said in your poem at
the bottom, you're too big to gossip
[09:13:59 PM] I have alway: yeah... i'm curious to what she's telling
them, though, because as far as i know there's nothing
i've done
[09:14:23 PM] {Cameron}---: She told me that you blew up at her
because she likes chris
[09:14:46 PM] I have alway: ... i haven't even talked to her, i've
just ignored her
[09:15:32 PM] {Cameron}---: Well, then she's lying about something
[09:16:07 PM] {Cameron}---: She want Chris, and Chris doesn't want her
at all, so like i've been saying for the past 3 years,
its just one big soap opera
[09:16:25 PM] I have alway: exactly
[09:16:35 PM] I have alway: except, in a soap opera, i'd have killed
her by now
[09:17:10 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, and would have slept with someone
close to her by now, lol
[09:17:39 PM] I have alway: and somebody would have killed themselves
[09:18:22 PM] {Cameron}---: Exactly, and then someone would have
gotten pregnant
[09:18:41 PM] I have alway: and nobody would know who the father is
[09:19:15 PM] {Cameron}---: Exactly, but everyone would think it was
someone obvious, when it was really someone cheating on
someone
[09:19:54 PM] I have alway: and then someone's boyfriend would turn
out to be gay
[09:20:41 PM] {Cameron}---: Exactly, and would steal someone else
boyfriend, but it would turn out that he got the girl
knocked up
[09:21:06 PM] * I have always been standing in your doorway, isn't it
about time somebody saved your life? has changed his/her
personal message to maybe it's the cold medication, but
i'm suddenly finding my whole life really funny...
[09:21:30 PM] I have alway: and then the girl would turn out to have
been faking it all along, but she'd be scared to tell
the guy, so she'd steal someone elses baby
[09:22:11 PM] {Cameron}---: excactly! and the baby would have to
belong to her best friend
[09:23:07 PM] I have alway: and... the baby would turn out to be an
alien
[09:23:12 PM] I have alway: i'm running out of ideas lol
[09:23:33 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, me too
[09:24:09 PM] I have alway: i would so be the pregnant one lol
[09:24:57 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, can I be the one that gets slept with
;)
[09:25:35 PM] I have alway: you can be the one that turns gay :P
[09:26:21 PM] {Cameron}---: bah, i'm already half way there, not
enough of a stretch
[09:26:45 PM] I have alway: fine, i'll go lesbian
[09:26:51 PM] I have alway: wait, nevermind, same problem :P
[09:27:16 PM] {Cameron}---: Exactly
[09:27:26 PM] I have alway: damn, none of my friends are totally
straight... lol
[09:27:48 PM] {Cameron}---: Sorry do dissapoint
[09:27:53 PM] {Cameron}---: **to
[09:28:09 PM] I have alway: nah, it makes things more fun :P
[09:28:47 PM] {Cameron}---: Always a good thing
[09:29:06 PM] I have alway: things would be a lot easier if everyone
was bi
[09:29:09 PM] I have alway: or always drunk
[09:29:31 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, I agree
[09:31:41 PM] {Cameron}---: Or bi and druck
[09:31:48 PM] {Cameron}---: **drunk
[09:32:44 PM] I have alway: oooh yes
[09:33:06 PM] {Cameron}---: That would be the best I think
[09:34:04 PM] {Cameron}---: People would definaltly be alot more fun
[09:34:14 PM] I have alway: yeah, everyone just needs to be more open
minded
[09:34:23 PM] {Cameron}---: Exactly
[09:34:31 PM] {Cameron}---: But sadly, most people are homophobes
[09:34:47 PM] I have alway: believe me, i know
[09:34:56 PM] I have alway: its more accepted with girls, though
[09:35:34 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, not so easy for guys
[09:36:21 PM] I have alway: though girls all seem to think being
bi/lesbian automatically means you'll want them
[09:37:20 PM] {Cameron}---: That must suck
[09:37:57 PM] I have alway: it can, but i honestly do enjoy making
people uncomfortable, so i usually just hit on them :P
[09:38:37 PM] {Cameron}---: Oh nice
[09:39:55 PM] {Cameron}---: Do they eventually figure out that you're
just stringing them along?
[09:40:10 PM] I have alway: they usually run away before they figure
anything out :P
[09:41:11 PM] {Cameron}---: Oh my
[09:41:28 PM] I have alway: fortunetly, my friends are used to me
[09:42:24 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, thats always a good thing
[09:42:44 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, I think if I told Alex I was bi, he'd
start humping my leg
[09:42:53 PM] I have alway: haha!
[09:43:17 PM] I have alway: i think i've managed to mess with a couple
of my girls sexualities
[09:44:05 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, I'm starting to think that Alex and
Chris may not be the straigtest arrows either
[09:44:35 PM] I have alway: i always thought chris was gay, actually
[09:44:43 PM] I have alway: maybe because the first time we met he
told me how hot he thinks orlando bloom is
[09:45:14 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, I can see why you think tha
[09:45:17 PM] {Cameron}---: **that
[09:45:28 PM] {Cameron}---: I think he likes both personally
[09:45:56 PM] I have alway: he always says he doesn't, but i'm still
not sure
[09:46:09 PM] I have alway: i used to get him to hit on guys all the
time lol
[09:46:19 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, nice
[09:46:33 PM] {Cameron}---: But personally, I think he would do his
guitar if he could
[09:46:40 PM] I have alway: yes!!!
[09:46:49 PM] I have alway: he's going to marry it, i swear
[09:47:16 PM] {Cameron}---: I know
[09:47:25 PM] {Cameron}---: *shudder* It's kinda creepy
[09:47:28 PM] I have alway: it really is
[09:47:40 PM] {Cameron}---: He told me that he actually fell asleep
holding it before
[09:47:48 PM] I have alway: how sad is it that i used to get jealous
over a guitar? lol
[09:47:50 PM] I have alway: oh my gosh lol
[09:48:25 PM] {Cameron}---: concidering that it's Chris, not very sad
[09:48:53 PM] I have alway: we were actually in my bedroom once and he
started playing my guitar... i was just thinking "okay,
bedroom, no parents home... what the hell?"
[09:49:37 PM] {Cameron}---: ..........oh......my....god
[09:50:01 PM] {Cameron}---: In that situation, guitar would have been
the farthest thing from my mind
[09:50:23 PM] I have alway: well, he's a freak
[09:50:34 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, he is indeed
[09:51:08 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, alone in a bedroom with a beautiful
girl, no parents in the house, and he picks up a guitar
[09:51:26 PM] {Cameron}---: I think every guy in the world should get
to slap him
[09:51:52 PM] I have alway: lol
[09:53:10 PM] I have alway: i've discovered a disadvantage to gay
friends- they're boy crazy
[09:53:33 PM] {Cameron}---: Yeah, I suppose that can be a problem
[09:54:05 PM] I have alway: all i do is mention i'm talking to a guy
and suddenly my friend david is all like "ohmygosh let
me hit on him puleeeeeeeeze?"
[09:54:37 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, thats great
[09:55:35 PM] I have alway: he claims he could turn you gay in under
ten minutes :P
[09:56:25 PM] {Cameron}---: Tell him i'm already half way there
[09:57:12 PM] I have alway: great, now he's even more excited
[09:57:39 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, nice
[09:58:16 PM] {Cameron}---: Tell him sorry, but i'm interested in you
[09:59:27 PM] I have alway: ha, he says he's not interested, just kind
of drunk
[09:59:37 PM] {Cameron}---: lol, very nice
[10:00:05 PM] I have alway: and he also says that was sweet, you're
possibly good enough for me :P (apparently he's gone
into overprotective guy friend mode lol)
[10:00:59 PM] {Cameron}---: Well, I hope that you think that i'm good
enough for you, because right now, thats all that really
matters
[10:01:28 PM] I have alway: true
[10:01:42 PM] I have alway: plus, he never thinks anyone is good
enough for me lol
[10:02:04 PM] {Cameron}---: Well, so long as you do, then I will be
happy
[10:02:50 PM] I have alway: i don't really know what i think :P
[10:03:30 PM] {Cameron}---: Well, as a warning, I plan to ask you
again by the end of the week, so
[10:04:46 PM] I have alway: hmm, i wonder what my answer will be
[10:05:36 PM] {Cameron}---: You enjoy making me squirm don't you?
[10:05:47 PM] I have alway: oh of course
[10:05:56 PM] I have alway: and i honestly don't know what my answer
will be :P
[10:06:07 PM] I have alway: but yes the squirming is a lot of fun
[10:06:50 PM] {Cameron}---: Bleah. Oh well, all I can do is wait and
see what you come up with
[10:07:04 PM] I have alway: yeah, i'm pretty curious myself
[10:07:29 PM] I have alway: sorry :P i'm just confused lately
[10:08:13 PM] {Cameron}---: Oh well, better than a flat out no
[10:08:44 PM] I have alway: it's hard to say no to someone who's that
good with necks :P
[10:09:21 PM] {Cameron}---: *bows* I am to please
[10:09:24 PM] {Cameron}---: **aim
[10:09:40 PM] I have alway: well, you definetly do ;)
[10:10:41 PM] I have alway: darn, my mother says i have to go, and i
probably should before she comes over and starts asking
annoying questions lol
[10:11:01 PM] {Cameron}---: Ok, I guess i'll talk to you tomorrow
[10:11:10 PM] {Cameron}---: And now I go back to reading your stories
[10:11:15 PM] I have alway: lol :)
[10:11:17 PM] I have alway: bye bye!
[10:11:21 PM] {Cameron}---: Bye!
I don't know what I'm doing... but I like it. It's weird. I can't stop thinking about him, I adore him, I always want to be with him... but it doesn't feel like a crush. As I told him, I'm confused. But I do love talking like this with him. I love how we can have a serious conversation and flirt at the same time. I love that he's so much like me. I love that he calls me beautiful.
What I hate is... I can't get Chris out of my head, either.