As You Debate Half Empty Or Half Full, It Slowly Rises: Your Love Is Gonna Drown
Yeah, world's biggest hypocrite, that's for sure… I can't believe it. I… he's… we're… how did he end up as my boyfriend?!
Not that I'm complaining. I won't bother to try and make sense of it, but I feel things for him I haven't felt for anyone in a really long time… as in, since Danny. It scares the hell out of me, but I feel perfectly safe at the same time.
I guess I should explain the rapid 24 hour change, hmm? Well, I can't. Everything was totally as always all day. We flirted a bit, but nothing new. And then, while waiting for his bus, there's another conversation.
Sort of. I don't know if you can really call it that. It started with a lot of play fighting and me accidentally pinching him so hard that he bled. On his upper chest. (Oh my gosh, he was wearing a black dress shirt with the top two buttons undone and it was possibly the hottest thing I have ever seen.) I realized quickly that hurting him isn't much fun, maybe I always secretly disliked Freddy and that's why I enjoyed it, haha. But when I bit Chris- once, on the shoulder, and only once- and I realized I'd much rather kiss him… yeah, I figured out this is going to be a more mature relationship.
Anyway, after that, he suddenly became all serious and emo again. And started staring off into space and going quiet. Though I admit it's very sexy when he does that, it's irritating. So I tell him to stop thinking. And he says thinking is his problem lately. To make a long story short, he took twenty five minutes of dodging around the subject before he spit it out. He finally managed to say, "Being so close to you this last week has felt so good, and… I don't know… my vocabulary just disappeared." It was the cutest thing ever. I had fun suggesting random words- "Banana!" "Nope, not relevant." "Sexual tension." "No. Well, yeah. But no." "Lesbians." "Oooh… *stares off into space until I hit him*" I could have helped him out, but I actually point black told him I was really enjoying watching him squirm. He got as far as "Will you" twice and then he finally just said "Will you go out with me?" And, I, having so much self control, practically yelled, "YES!" Then we both burst into laughter and decided we're the most pathetic people ever.
According to his horoscope book, our relationship will be turbulent. But you know what? I can deal with that. I have the advantage that he's seen my stronger side and he knows there's maturity there. He actually knows me way better than I thought he did. He was going through his book and pointing out all the characteristics that fit me- emotional, intense, self critical, passionate, and… sex crazed, haha. I hit him for that one. We were in stitches over his "unable to explain what feeling" one. Poor baby, I really did torture him. But there was still a bit of doubt in my mind that he would say something like "I like you, but I don't want a relationship." And as dumb as it sounds, I decided last night (well, this morning) that I don't want him to like me, I want him to love me. I want something real. I want this to last and I'll be damned if I don't do everything I can to make sure it does.
We do seem to be able to talk to each other, though. Well, mostly. Turns out, while I was up all night (I did never get back to sleep- woot, running on two hours and totally stupid because of it!) worried sick about him, he was up all night worrying about ME! I couldn't even laugh at it, it was so ridiculous- I just hit him and said, "I missed eight hours sleep because of you!" And he was all like, "I'm sorry!!"
Music class will be fun now… I see my mark going down. My math and science will probably go up, though, because now I'm not stressed about Freddy or him so I can concentrate- and plus, Chris is making me go to all my classes. Though, he's a hypocrite like me, he skipped Oceans today to be with me. He nearly suggested skipping music and then I gave him a look so we went anyway. My parents will kill me if I skip anything. Besides, music is pretty much a free anyway.
Very random note- Holly and Justin kissed for the first time last Thursday! So adorable. I think it took them three weeks. Usually I'm painfully slow with stuff like that, but with Chris… I just don't see how I'm going to be able to resist him. He's just a sex god. (Oh, good lord…) Honestly, though. He's one of those beautiful guys. Feminine slender, longish pretty brown hair, clear blue eyes, and the cutest smile- he's actually able to give the exact look I always give when I want something. And it works on me. Which is annoying. But my innocent-I-didn't-do-it smile breaks him down in seconds. He could barely talk this afternoon because I kept shooting him at him- he kept saying, "That smile… it's evil… but, ugh, I like it!!"
I need the sleep and now that I have nothing to be upset about I should be able to… except for the fact that I'm counting the seconds till I'm with him again. I can't believe I'm thinking any of this stuff… I swore I was through with boyfriends! But, honestly, if I could… I think I'd erase Freddy. Not Justin, though. We had good memories. Freddy, I thought I liked him, but… looking back, it was an impossibly silly relationship and not worth two weeks of my time. Justin… I wouldn't give him up. I wasn't in love with him, even though I tried to be for a while. He was my first heartbreak, but really, he was also my first real boyfriend. Though Danny will always be my first love. (Hate to say it, but it looks like Chris is going to be my second. Because even if he breaks my heart I'm still not going to forget the way he held me when I cried and the way it was just the two of us all that day. Hard to believe it was only yesterday.)
Turbulent… yeah, that describes my week. And now, I'm crashing.
(By the way, I'm so getting back at him tomorrow by wearing my pink and gray stripped shirt with the buttons half the way down… I think I'll just leave the buttons undone. Innocent, just the way he likes it, but with an edge. I'll leave you with a suggestive wink and a goodnight!)
Not that I'm complaining. I won't bother to try and make sense of it, but I feel things for him I haven't felt for anyone in a really long time… as in, since Danny. It scares the hell out of me, but I feel perfectly safe at the same time.
I guess I should explain the rapid 24 hour change, hmm? Well, I can't. Everything was totally as always all day. We flirted a bit, but nothing new. And then, while waiting for his bus, there's another conversation.
Sort of. I don't know if you can really call it that. It started with a lot of play fighting and me accidentally pinching him so hard that he bled. On his upper chest. (Oh my gosh, he was wearing a black dress shirt with the top two buttons undone and it was possibly the hottest thing I have ever seen.) I realized quickly that hurting him isn't much fun, maybe I always secretly disliked Freddy and that's why I enjoyed it, haha. But when I bit Chris- once, on the shoulder, and only once- and I realized I'd much rather kiss him… yeah, I figured out this is going to be a more mature relationship.
Anyway, after that, he suddenly became all serious and emo again. And started staring off into space and going quiet. Though I admit it's very sexy when he does that, it's irritating. So I tell him to stop thinking. And he says thinking is his problem lately. To make a long story short, he took twenty five minutes of dodging around the subject before he spit it out. He finally managed to say, "Being so close to you this last week has felt so good, and… I don't know… my vocabulary just disappeared." It was the cutest thing ever. I had fun suggesting random words- "Banana!" "Nope, not relevant." "Sexual tension." "No. Well, yeah. But no." "Lesbians." "Oooh… *stares off into space until I hit him*" I could have helped him out, but I actually point black told him I was really enjoying watching him squirm. He got as far as "Will you" twice and then he finally just said "Will you go out with me?" And, I, having so much self control, practically yelled, "YES!" Then we both burst into laughter and decided we're the most pathetic people ever.
According to his horoscope book, our relationship will be turbulent. But you know what? I can deal with that. I have the advantage that he's seen my stronger side and he knows there's maturity there. He actually knows me way better than I thought he did. He was going through his book and pointing out all the characteristics that fit me- emotional, intense, self critical, passionate, and… sex crazed, haha. I hit him for that one. We were in stitches over his "unable to explain what feeling" one. Poor baby, I really did torture him. But there was still a bit of doubt in my mind that he would say something like "I like you, but I don't want a relationship." And as dumb as it sounds, I decided last night (well, this morning) that I don't want him to like me, I want him to love me. I want something real. I want this to last and I'll be damned if I don't do everything I can to make sure it does.
We do seem to be able to talk to each other, though. Well, mostly. Turns out, while I was up all night (I did never get back to sleep- woot, running on two hours and totally stupid because of it!) worried sick about him, he was up all night worrying about ME! I couldn't even laugh at it, it was so ridiculous- I just hit him and said, "I missed eight hours sleep because of you!" And he was all like, "I'm sorry!!"
Music class will be fun now… I see my mark going down. My math and science will probably go up, though, because now I'm not stressed about Freddy or him so I can concentrate- and plus, Chris is making me go to all my classes. Though, he's a hypocrite like me, he skipped Oceans today to be with me. He nearly suggested skipping music and then I gave him a look so we went anyway. My parents will kill me if I skip anything. Besides, music is pretty much a free anyway.
Very random note- Holly and Justin kissed for the first time last Thursday! So adorable. I think it took them three weeks. Usually I'm painfully slow with stuff like that, but with Chris… I just don't see how I'm going to be able to resist him. He's just a sex god. (Oh, good lord…) Honestly, though. He's one of those beautiful guys. Feminine slender, longish pretty brown hair, clear blue eyes, and the cutest smile- he's actually able to give the exact look I always give when I want something. And it works on me. Which is annoying. But my innocent-I-didn't-do-it smile breaks him down in seconds. He could barely talk this afternoon because I kept shooting him at him- he kept saying, "That smile… it's evil… but, ugh, I like it!!"
I need the sleep and now that I have nothing to be upset about I should be able to… except for the fact that I'm counting the seconds till I'm with him again. I can't believe I'm thinking any of this stuff… I swore I was through with boyfriends! But, honestly, if I could… I think I'd erase Freddy. Not Justin, though. We had good memories. Freddy, I thought I liked him, but… looking back, it was an impossibly silly relationship and not worth two weeks of my time. Justin… I wouldn't give him up. I wasn't in love with him, even though I tried to be for a while. He was my first heartbreak, but really, he was also my first real boyfriend. Though Danny will always be my first love. (Hate to say it, but it looks like Chris is going to be my second. Because even if he breaks my heart I'm still not going to forget the way he held me when I cried and the way it was just the two of us all that day. Hard to believe it was only yesterday.)
Turbulent… yeah, that describes my week. And now, I'm crashing.
(By the way, I'm so getting back at him tomorrow by wearing my pink and gray stripped shirt with the buttons half the way down… I think I'll just leave the buttons undone. Innocent, just the way he likes it, but with an edge. I'll leave you with a suggestive wink and a goodnight!)