That Girl Was A Wild Child Dreamer But She'll Find Herself
Just as I thought. A total Justin. He's glanced at me a few times- and glared. What the hell? He's mad at me. Why? No idea. Emily actually asked him what was wrong and he said, nearly yelled, "We broke up! And I said I don’t want to talk about it!" and quickly left the café.
What. The. Hell.
From the way he's acting, you'd think it was my idea. Though, I guess I am slightly acting like it is. I am furious. Beyond furious. Livid.
I've barely had time to be upset. I woke up at five again today and I spent two hours staring out the window and fighting back tears but as soon as I got to school and saw him- replaced by fury. There have been two or three moments of "he's supposed to be beside me" thoughts, but then I quickly thought back to the whole childish/serious relationship thing and I realized: I can't be with someone that immature.
And he calls me childish.
Mind you, I can be childish. But, unlike him, my maturity shines when it needs to. He gets even younger in situations like this. I can keep my head. I haven't yelled at him. I haven't even looked him in the eyes. Totally ignoring. My friends on the other hand… well, he's been hit, kicked, and Holly backed him into a corner and gave him a piece of her mind. And most of our mutual friends aren't talking to him. I almost feel bad for him… almost.
I feel like banging my head on the keyboard. I'm so confused, I'd like to be in his head for three minutes just to figure out what he's thinking. Or if he even is. What serious relationship, damn it?! Where was I where this so called seriousness was going on? I mean, I wasn't in a serious relationship! How was he?! And if that was just an excuse… well, it sucks. Come on, I know he's not that bright, but honestly.
As weird as this will sound, I want the truth. If a guy just isn't that into me, I want to hear him say, "I just don't like you as more than a friend." I don't want him to say he's not ready or say he's confused or anything. Because that gives girls hope. They'll waste their time thinking maybe he still has some feelings. If everyone was straight with each other and actually said what they meant, it'd save a lot of tears. I know it would hurt like hell to hear it, but wondering hurts more.
Not that I'm hopeful. There's no reason to be. I know even if he wanted to get back together, at this point in time I'd tell him to hit the road. Call it pride if you like, but I am NOT going to be with someone who thinks he can just LIE to be like that. Coward. I hate that he/guys in general say they don't want to hurt your feelings because, really, they're thinking about themselves. It's "I don't want to hurt her feelings because I'll feel bad". Selfish little bastards.
Nobody give me a gun, okay? Because I'm dying to see him bloody.
Hah, I'm officially in a love/hate relationship. Well, not really a relationship anymore. But whatever. Oh, and actually, the hate part way outweighs the love. It's about 80/20. Though, currently, thinking about everything and analyzing and rereading what I wrote last night in a fit of fury- it's about 99/1. I wonder if he's actually mad at me, mad at himself, or just mad in general. Or if he's just lost his mind. Or if he ever had a mind.
Every feel like you want to kiss someone and kill them at the same time?
What. The. Hell.
From the way he's acting, you'd think it was my idea. Though, I guess I am slightly acting like it is. I am furious. Beyond furious. Livid.
I've barely had time to be upset. I woke up at five again today and I spent two hours staring out the window and fighting back tears but as soon as I got to school and saw him- replaced by fury. There have been two or three moments of "he's supposed to be beside me" thoughts, but then I quickly thought back to the whole childish/serious relationship thing and I realized: I can't be with someone that immature.
And he calls me childish.
Mind you, I can be childish. But, unlike him, my maturity shines when it needs to. He gets even younger in situations like this. I can keep my head. I haven't yelled at him. I haven't even looked him in the eyes. Totally ignoring. My friends on the other hand… well, he's been hit, kicked, and Holly backed him into a corner and gave him a piece of her mind. And most of our mutual friends aren't talking to him. I almost feel bad for him… almost.
I feel like banging my head on the keyboard. I'm so confused, I'd like to be in his head for three minutes just to figure out what he's thinking. Or if he even is. What serious relationship, damn it?! Where was I where this so called seriousness was going on? I mean, I wasn't in a serious relationship! How was he?! And if that was just an excuse… well, it sucks. Come on, I know he's not that bright, but honestly.
As weird as this will sound, I want the truth. If a guy just isn't that into me, I want to hear him say, "I just don't like you as more than a friend." I don't want him to say he's not ready or say he's confused or anything. Because that gives girls hope. They'll waste their time thinking maybe he still has some feelings. If everyone was straight with each other and actually said what they meant, it'd save a lot of tears. I know it would hurt like hell to hear it, but wondering hurts more.
Not that I'm hopeful. There's no reason to be. I know even if he wanted to get back together, at this point in time I'd tell him to hit the road. Call it pride if you like, but I am NOT going to be with someone who thinks he can just LIE to be like that. Coward. I hate that he/guys in general say they don't want to hurt your feelings because, really, they're thinking about themselves. It's "I don't want to hurt her feelings because I'll feel bad". Selfish little bastards.
Nobody give me a gun, okay? Because I'm dying to see him bloody.
Hah, I'm officially in a love/hate relationship. Well, not really a relationship anymore. But whatever. Oh, and actually, the hate part way outweighs the love. It's about 80/20. Though, currently, thinking about everything and analyzing and rereading what I wrote last night in a fit of fury- it's about 99/1. I wonder if he's actually mad at me, mad at himself, or just mad in general. Or if he's just lost his mind. Or if he ever had a mind.
Every feel like you want to kiss someone and kill them at the same time?