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Okay so if you criticize me for being emo, don't read this, you won't like it. I'm in a wicked emo mood.
Okay so first of all. Something happened two days ago which I'm not allowed to talk about except I broke the rule and told one person cuz I trust them A LOT. But its really been making me really out of it because anytime like I stop talking with people I think about it and then I'm silent for like ever. Its really keeping my from having much fun. I'm just really worried.. We'll leave it at its a matter of saving a life, a reputation, and a family. And things keep getting worse. When I got home from having the LEAST fun EVER at a party, I get MORE bad news about it and can't stop crying. I'm shaking I'm so worried.
~~~
Yeah and tonight, mostly because I was distracted thinking about other things the party sucked. ALso everyone kept disappearing with someone to go makeout and stuff and I didn't like it. But the place and house and view were amazing . I kinda was really emo all night though. Just kind of sitting next to the fire staring at it. Also, this morning blew because I was supposed to hang out with Scott but that didn't happen because I got frusterated and yeah.. he basically hates me. Whatever. Today was just fucking stupid.
OH! To top it all off... I've gained like 10 pounds. WHAT THE FUCK. UGh okay going on a diet/ running every day. What the heck. I hate me. Anyone wanna trade? Ugh I have such low self esteem but I can't change it and I hate that I do.
But I still really am trying to act all bubbly and happy go lucky around people. For the most part it works. And I do make people happy/ have fun. But I hate how the minute things get quiet I fall into my ultra deep thoughts that literally just make my smile fade in 20 seconds flat.
I miss someone really really badly. But I'm not allowed to miss him. But I do. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
This time... I'm sorry.
Okay so first of all. Something happened two days ago which I'm not allowed to talk about except I broke the rule and told one person cuz I trust them A LOT. But its really been making me really out of it because anytime like I stop talking with people I think about it and then I'm silent for like ever. Its really keeping my from having much fun. I'm just really worried.. We'll leave it at its a matter of saving a life, a reputation, and a family. And things keep getting worse. When I got home from having the LEAST fun EVER at a party, I get MORE bad news about it and can't stop crying. I'm shaking I'm so worried.
~~~
Yeah and tonight, mostly because I was distracted thinking about other things the party sucked. ALso everyone kept disappearing with someone to go makeout and stuff and I didn't like it. But the place and house and view were amazing . I kinda was really emo all night though. Just kind of sitting next to the fire staring at it. Also, this morning blew because I was supposed to hang out with Scott but that didn't happen because I got frusterated and yeah.. he basically hates me. Whatever. Today was just fucking stupid.
OH! To top it all off... I've gained like 10 pounds. WHAT THE FUCK. UGh okay going on a diet/ running every day. What the heck. I hate me. Anyone wanna trade? Ugh I have such low self esteem but I can't change it and I hate that I do.
But I still really am trying to act all bubbly and happy go lucky around people. For the most part it works. And I do make people happy/ have fun. But I hate how the minute things get quiet I fall into my ultra deep thoughts that literally just make my smile fade in 20 seconds flat.
I miss someone really really badly. But I'm not allowed to miss him. But I do. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
This time... I'm sorry.