my sick story.. this is gonna be a long one!
my sick story that i previously had written on myspace but decided to put it here
PART 1
as most of you no.. ive been sick for quite a long time and i think its time that i get it all out of my system and write a blog about it... read it if you want to its just soemthing i need to do.. so here i go... its going to be very very long
well this all started way back in marrch.. march 17th to be exact.. see about a week before that i had an abcess on my wisdom tooth(which i was supposed to get all of them removed.. but that never happend) ne ways.. my dentist gave me an antibiotic (amoxicillin).. so i was taking it and it made me feel really weak and low... by the 10th day i was on it and 27 pills later.. i was in school and i noticed spots on my hands just like bumps so i went to the nurse and they were on my stomach and feet too.. so we found out i was allergic to ne kinds of penicillin.
then after all that i stopped the rest of the antibiotic and i started getting these really weird stomach achs and pains and gurgling.. so for 6 weeks we would go to the doctor and they kept telling me i had a virus or flu and it will go away.. well it wasnt getting ne better so we went back and all they said was maybe i was lactose so i cut all dairy from my diet and nothing changed... i was getting fed up with the drs because all they gave me were urine tests.. so we decided to change doctors completely and im glad we did
the first day of the new dr.. they took blood tests then an abdominal xray and a sonogram.. well the xray showed that i had a 2mm kidney stone in my right kidney.. so i went to see 2 uralogists and they both told me that the stone wasnt moving and it was just sitting there so they werent gonna do ne thing.. so im like great my stomach is in pain and i have to suffer.. then i got more test results from them and they told me i had a cyst on my right ovary and i didnt no what that was so i was freaked out.. he said it was small so i wouldnt have to worry about it..
so for pain they put me on 5/500mg lortabs.. ya i got immune to them in 3 days.. which then i ended up in childrens hospital in the emergency room because my stomach pains were so bad... i was there from 7 am to 6 pm and all they did were a few xrays and another blood test.. they upped my lortabs to 7.5/500mg and told me that they couldnt do ne thing for me.. that all i could do was go home and try to relax.. ya i bet you no how that made me feel cuz it was almost 2 months with this pain.. in the mean time i missed alot of school.. i went about 3 days not even for the whole day(let me add that i did graduate after missing all this school)
the next thing i really remember was going back to childrens because the pain was so bad and starting to radiate to my back and they took more blood and i got immune to the new lortabs in about a week so nothing was making the pain go away.. so they told me to wait it out alittle longer until they can figure out something to do.. so finally we got a call and they were gonna do a laporaskapy surgery on me to see what was goin on and why i was getting these pains.. i had the surgery on may 30th.. they sedated me and the surgery took about 2 hours..they told me i had a cyst on my right ovary the size of a baseball.. and thats what they removed.. i was at sisters hospital at 7am and was sent home by 3pm the same day..
i had no idea what was gonna happend or what i could do..alls i no is that it was one of the worst weeks of my life.. what they did was they made an incision in my belly button and about 4 inches down from that one.. they had to stick a tube down my throat so they could blow air into my stomach so theyed have room to scope around with a camera to see all my insides.. so when i got home i just layed down and relaxed because i was doped up on alot of drugs..
the next morning i say had to be the worst day of my life. i woke up in so much pain.. my stomach stuck out like i was pregnant (that was from all the air pumped in my system).. it was the hottest day of the year.. i couldnt move my body.. i couldnt walk on my own.. i couldnt eat and i couldnt sleep.. i dont even no how i managed to get through it all.. for the pain they told me to take 2 of the lortabs at the same time.. that seemed to work at first.. but its not like they made me feel good.. they are drugs that mess with your mind and your moods and emotions.. i dont even no how people take them for fun.. so ne ways after that day it took about a week n a half for me to start getting back to normal and feeling pretty good... also in the mean time prom was on june 9th.. so i went with wade and all my friends.. and i felt pretty good.. but emotionally really sick.. i was so depressed even tho i was with people that care about me..
so about 2 weeks after the surgery i was feeling pretty good and im thinking to myself yes im going to be better and normal soon.. but i was wrong.. i went to the beach with rachel for 2 days in a row.. the 2nd day i got dehidrated and ruined the day.. well to me thats what i felt like ive done.. so that was a major set back.. then about 3-4weeks after i realized something was still wrong with me..
i had taken myself off the lortabs cold turkey.. which then i found out that it wasnt the smart thing to do because there addictive.. so that unknowingly caused me more pain.. so i was more depressed than i already was.. i tried taking a natural substance for anti depression.. and some people cant take it.. and i found out that i am one of those people.. i took one of them one day when i was really low.. and all the sudden my mind went blank.. i was freaking out because i could no process ne thoughts in my head.. this went on for an hour.. every 5 min my mind would just like shut off.. idn even how to explain it...
then on july 1st at 11pm i was at cindys house.. and my left ovary all the sudden was in alot of paint.. so i went to the emergency room at sisters hospital.. cindy and my mom came with me... they did another sonogram on me and a ct scan.. which showed another cyst on my ovary the size of a plum.. i was admitted into the hospital and i didnt eat from 11pm that night until 6 pm on july 2nd... almost 18 hours without food and hardly ne sleep.. by the time i got food i just threw it up i couldnt keep ne thing down.. they were giving me meds that made me feel sick.. i left there on the 4th of july at about 3 in the afternoon still with alot of ovary pain because they said it would pop...
on july 7th.. my mom went to the store and my brother left for work.. i was sitting on my couch then all the sudden my back started to hurt on the right side.. and it got so bad and i was home alone.. so i ran to my neighbors house (lucky she was home).. she gave me a heating pack and my mom was home in like 5 min.. we rushed to my drs and she said i had to go back to sisters hospital.. by the way my left ovary pain was less but still there.. the conclusion they gave me was that my kidney stone was passing.. so once again.. in the same week i was admitted into the hospital.. they did more tests and it showed that the stone was passing and i thought my cyst was shrinking.. but it grew.. to the size of a baseball like the other side did...
i was in the hospital for 4 days... getting shots for the stone and the cyst.. i felt sick to my stomach.. they told me i could have another surgery to get rid of the cyst but they put me on birth control and that was gonna shrink them.. so i decided to let the pill work.. and they said i could have surgery to remove the stone.. but he said its less painful to let it pass on its own.. so thats what i decided to let it do..
so they gave me a perscription called flowmax.. that was supposed to help the stone pass.. well they didnt tell me the side effects and i ended up having orthopetic hypotension.. i think thats what it was called... well thats when your heart races and your blood pressure dramatically changes when you stand sit or lay down.. so then i had an anxiety attack cuz i didnt no what was goin on.. they told me to go right to the hospital.. and it was so hot outside.. and we were hitting every red light.. so my mom ran a few and we flagged down a cop and he called an ambulence to give me oxygen.. we got to the hospital and they said i had a reaction to the medicine.. and i needed fluids and they gave me something to calm down.. yet another set back in this story..
so its been about a month since then.. the cyst seems to be shrinking but my ovarys still hurt bad.. i have no energy.. i cant go out for more than an hour.. i cant breathe in hot weather.. coming off all the meds is messing with my mind.. i got more tests done and my stone is still in my body and if it doesnt move in 4-6 weeks i have to have another surgery
thats all i no so far.. but thats my story.. its long yes.. because ive been through alot of shit.. and its not over yet.. but it feels good to get it all out of my system.. i dont expect for ne one to no what all that felt like and i dont want sympathy because it makes me feel bad.. i already have made people change there lives to help me and im independent and im forced not to be.. i havent been myself for months.. i just want some normalcy.. but god must be putting me through this for some reason and i guess i just have to trust him
the end.
PART 2
well im going to be continuing from my last blog that i posted.. so if you havent read that one then you prob wont fully understand this one... and this is really hard for me to write.. cuz it brings back alot of shit that i want to try to forget.
so the last place i left off was telling about what i was still going through a month ago.. well good news is things are alot better than they were
let me start off by telling you what happend 3 days after i wrote that blog.. as most of you no i was dating wade and august 10th i decided not to put up with that asshole any more... and i dont care if his friends read this n make shitty comments or tell him because i dont care.. he probily didnt tell you what really happend so you think im the shitty person.. no he was the asshole.. so i just had enuff.. im not going to go into big details bout it.. lets just say we werent right for eachother and we never were and he couldnt handle me being sick so he decided not to care.. and you think we talked since then.. no and frankly i could care less.. he hurt me mentally and made my sickness even worse.. so basically hes a shitty person.. not entirely shittty but he was bad enuff to call him that.. but since then my moods have been better and i havent felt so shitty bout myself so in the end it was a good thing..
well enuff about that.. so the next things that happend werent as bad but still sucked.. i spent alot of the time in the pool because thats the only place where the pain seemed to subside.. i was still having some minor ovary pains and bad stomache aches... but as for the kidney stone i hadnt felt it in awhile.. i dont really remember much of what happend next cuz my memories not the greatest.. except i had to go and get an upper GI done which if you dont no what that is its where they make you drink nasty shit so they can see if your digestive system works properly....so i had that done.. then later in the day all the thick fluids they gave me decided to make my kidney stone move.. it hurt like hell but i couldnt do ne thing bout it.. they said it will pass and all i could do was take some alieve.. so thats what i did and the pain eventually stopped
then about 3 weeks ago.. i was feeling okay.. it was hot out so it made it worse.. i didnt hate being in the car as much and i wasnt as paranoid.. but i still didnt do much.. i was very busy planning my graduation party at that time.. which i planned on having on sunday the 27th of august.. well the saturday before that (the 26th) it was later in the day around 4 or 5 and all the sudden i am sitting on the couch and my kidney stone starts to move like really bad.. it never hurt that bad before.. so here i am trying to figure out a way to sit to make it stop.. i take some alieve.. but that didnt work at all.. it helped none.. we call my urologist.. he says go to sisters hospital..
we get to the er and literally we got in right away.. which is a first.. they gave me a light dose of painkiller.. it did nothing but made me pee more.. then they gave me something stronger and finally it subsided alittle bit.. but i still felt it.. they decided to admit me at 9 pm.. so i ended up spending the night there just to see if it would pass..
i got released at 1030 in the morning on the 27th.. they told me i cannot move around alot and to be careful.. they gave me painkillers which was a smaller dose of what they were giving to me in my iv.. well i got home and i wanted to get up to help set up for the party.. i was still in alot of pain but i took one of the pills and it seemed to work...
i couldnt imagine a greater party.. it was very carefree and there were lots of people and nothing i mean nothing went wrong.. and my stone didnt give me much trouble.. the next morning i woke up and i was sore as hell.. so i took one of those pills.. cassie came over and we just chilled but then as time went on ... my stone started to hurt more n more.. until the pain was so bad that i was freakishly crying.. the prescription pain killers werent helping me at all.. and so i was like take me to the hospital take me to a hospital! and they wouldnt so they called the urologist again and they said they were gonna tell them to get a room for me so i could be admitted right away...
so cassie was over.. she helped me get packed and ready.. since i no all the things to bring when i go to a hospital.. so an hour had passed and it was still getting worse.. so we got to the hospital.. my bladder was bout the size of a penny so i literally had to pee 8 times.. of course they didnt call and they didnt have a room ready for me.. so here i am crying in pain and the lady had to call and find a way to get me a room.. so bout 20 min later i got a room.. i was freaking out cuz it hurt so bad.. so they gave me a shot and it helped.. but i felt so sick like nausiated.. i kept drinking my water cuz they didnt give me an iv yet.. it took them 3 hours to give me an iv.. the lady came in and she tried in 2 places and missed cuz i was so dehidrated.. so i was left with some big bruises.. then the next nurse came in and missed the first time.. but got it the 2nd..
i felt so sick.. i remember i felt like i was so high and nausiated like they over drugged me.. but my moms friend mrs gullo came to visit me and she brought fruit.. i really hadnt eaten much cuz i felt sick.. but it looked so good.. so i finally ate some and it was delicious.. but that didnt stay down too long.. bout 45 min after i felt like i was gonna puke and i did.. 4 times.. but after that i felt so much better..
the doctor came in late to tell me what was going to happen.. he said there gonna do the kidney stone surgery on me the next day if the stone doesnt pass tonight.. and i said that was a good plan.. i accually didnt have much pain at all throughout the whole night.. i didnt need a pain shot for about 8 -9 hours.. well of course the stone didnt pass that night.. so i was the last surgery for the day.. and i wasnt allowed to eat after midnight.. so my surgery was schedualed for 230..
i got into the room right on time.. i dont really member much.. thank god.. but the one guy came to talk to us and i got into the room and they stuck all these sticky things on me and they told me that the anasthetic is going to burn goin in but your out in like 15 seconds.. and they were right... it burned so bad but i slept in like 5 seconds..
the next thing i no im waking up in recovery.. i was freezing.. iw as there for about an hour.. they took me back to my room and i had to pee so bad.. my rents werent there.. so i called them and they were still in the waiting room.. so they came back .. i was all woozy.. but i had to pee.. it was the worst pee of my life.. it hurt and burned so bad i was almost freaked out it was so bad.. it was like that for 4 days...
what they did was put a stent in me.. so my tube would heal.. the day after surgery was the worst.. i dont even wanna say how bad it was.. specially when i had to pee ever half hour and had to sing to keep me calmed down..i wont even mention how many meds i was on and what i couldnt take.. and how one night i couldnt sleep because i was so medicated that i went crazy... but it did get better as the week went on.. but i had to get the 2nd part of the surgery that next tuesday..
that one was in the morning.. it wasnt bad at all.. they knocked me out again.. and i woke up and was cold again lol.. but iwas back with my mom and dad in no time.. i was starving so they gave me crackers and gingerale.. 45 min later i was out.. peeing still hurt but not as bad.. and the miracle was..i felt absolutly no pain in my right back at all.. it was like nothing ever was there.. what they told me was that the stone was stuck behind scar tissue. thats why it hurt me more and it would of never passed on its own..
as the week went on it was getting better everyday.... and here i am today.. no stone pain.. my anxiety is better.. i dont have to pee every 30 min.. but i still have some mental problems.. and bad bad stomache aches that they are going to try to figure out.. but there on the verge of getting better.. i go for more tests in like 3 weeks to make sure everythings normal..
i had alot of people who helped me through this all too.. i had alot of friends come over and spend time with me.. expecially my best friend blaine.. he did more for me than anyone ever could... and im glad i got to spend alot of time with him when i was like that and before he left.. lets just say hes amazing.. so are all my friends that come over just to sit here and do nothing with me =] i love them all <33
and im hoping that this will all be over soon so i can get back to work and lets just say my life! i no its still gonna take some time.. but keep me in your prayers.. cuz i no its not all over...
PART 3
so i just took the time and read the last blog i posted bout my sickness.. and ill start where i left off!
well after the stone i started to get better! my anxiety was going down and i didnt have to take painkillers everyday.. but then of course my story couldnt end there.. on october 2nd 2007 me and my brother went to go pick up shannon so she could come hang out and i was just at the point where getting in the car didnt bother me.. then some asshole ran a red light and hit us as we were coming back home...
thank god the worst thing that happened was that my brother got a boken nose.. he hit us then we swirved into a pole.. shannon got bruised alot and i had bruises from the seatbelt and the airbag hit me in the face and chipped my cheekbone.. we all went in ambulences just in case we were hurt but i felt fine cept my face stung real bad.. we had to lay on those flat plastic boards for 3 hours.. i was freaking out but finally the dr came and said i was fine.. i just was really sore for the next 3 days..
after that i didnt go in a car for a week.. my anxiety came back.. but i did it anyways.. now im starting to get out more and i went to a halloween party at shannons house with a cold and i was fine! i had an awsome time.. i actually felt normal.. halloween i was home handing out candy to kids then after went to chloes party and caught up with alot of old friends..
then i turned 18 on nov 3rd! my family and cindy and her dad all went to shogun to celebrate all our nov birthdays! it was an amazing time! things have just been slow since.. lots of healing.. i have a low immune system so i catch everything! but i made the decision to go on medication for my anxiety.. it was so high i was going crazy.. so i took this one pill for 6 days.. it made me so sick feeling.. so i stopped that and now im on this amazing pill that helps so much.. but other than that christmas was amazing...and things were good now that i started that pill
i didnt do anything really for new years i had a cold and i was supposed to go to cassies for a party but i didnt feel good at all.. but earlier in the day i hung out with john for the first time and it was really great even tho i had a cold.. i made a new years resilution.. which i never do.. that i would get out and become myself again!
so since new years i have been doing that! me and john hung out alot we went on a date i went to his house.. i went and got my bellybutton pierced which surprisingly brought me alot of confidence and it hurt like hell but was worth it!.. ive been hanging with andrea alot and shes been such a help! and i took the next step and now me and john are dating =] and so far its been really amazing i couldnt ask for more.. he makes me happy and hes paitent about my sickness! which i love and need..
so life has been on the upswing lately and i hope it stays that way.. only thing i gotta worry bout is getting my wisdom teeth out! which im getting done the 26th so wish me luck! and thanks for reading for those whove read the other 2 i posted!
thats just an update since febuary.. i still have to find the time to write whats been going on lately but i havent got the time now its 130 in the am
goodnight all!
PART 1
as most of you no.. ive been sick for quite a long time and i think its time that i get it all out of my system and write a blog about it... read it if you want to its just soemthing i need to do.. so here i go... its going to be very very long
well this all started way back in marrch.. march 17th to be exact.. see about a week before that i had an abcess on my wisdom tooth(which i was supposed to get all of them removed.. but that never happend) ne ways.. my dentist gave me an antibiotic (amoxicillin).. so i was taking it and it made me feel really weak and low... by the 10th day i was on it and 27 pills later.. i was in school and i noticed spots on my hands just like bumps so i went to the nurse and they were on my stomach and feet too.. so we found out i was allergic to ne kinds of penicillin.
then after all that i stopped the rest of the antibiotic and i started getting these really weird stomach achs and pains and gurgling.. so for 6 weeks we would go to the doctor and they kept telling me i had a virus or flu and it will go away.. well it wasnt getting ne better so we went back and all they said was maybe i was lactose so i cut all dairy from my diet and nothing changed... i was getting fed up with the drs because all they gave me were urine tests.. so we decided to change doctors completely and im glad we did
the first day of the new dr.. they took blood tests then an abdominal xray and a sonogram.. well the xray showed that i had a 2mm kidney stone in my right kidney.. so i went to see 2 uralogists and they both told me that the stone wasnt moving and it was just sitting there so they werent gonna do ne thing.. so im like great my stomach is in pain and i have to suffer.. then i got more test results from them and they told me i had a cyst on my right ovary and i didnt no what that was so i was freaked out.. he said it was small so i wouldnt have to worry about it..
so for pain they put me on 5/500mg lortabs.. ya i got immune to them in 3 days.. which then i ended up in childrens hospital in the emergency room because my stomach pains were so bad... i was there from 7 am to 6 pm and all they did were a few xrays and another blood test.. they upped my lortabs to 7.5/500mg and told me that they couldnt do ne thing for me.. that all i could do was go home and try to relax.. ya i bet you no how that made me feel cuz it was almost 2 months with this pain.. in the mean time i missed alot of school.. i went about 3 days not even for the whole day(let me add that i did graduate after missing all this school)
the next thing i really remember was going back to childrens because the pain was so bad and starting to radiate to my back and they took more blood and i got immune to the new lortabs in about a week so nothing was making the pain go away.. so they told me to wait it out alittle longer until they can figure out something to do.. so finally we got a call and they were gonna do a laporaskapy surgery on me to see what was goin on and why i was getting these pains.. i had the surgery on may 30th.. they sedated me and the surgery took about 2 hours..they told me i had a cyst on my right ovary the size of a baseball.. and thats what they removed.. i was at sisters hospital at 7am and was sent home by 3pm the same day..
i had no idea what was gonna happend or what i could do..alls i no is that it was one of the worst weeks of my life.. what they did was they made an incision in my belly button and about 4 inches down from that one.. they had to stick a tube down my throat so they could blow air into my stomach so theyed have room to scope around with a camera to see all my insides.. so when i got home i just layed down and relaxed because i was doped up on alot of drugs..
the next morning i say had to be the worst day of my life. i woke up in so much pain.. my stomach stuck out like i was pregnant (that was from all the air pumped in my system).. it was the hottest day of the year.. i couldnt move my body.. i couldnt walk on my own.. i couldnt eat and i couldnt sleep.. i dont even no how i managed to get through it all.. for the pain they told me to take 2 of the lortabs at the same time.. that seemed to work at first.. but its not like they made me feel good.. they are drugs that mess with your mind and your moods and emotions.. i dont even no how people take them for fun.. so ne ways after that day it took about a week n a half for me to start getting back to normal and feeling pretty good... also in the mean time prom was on june 9th.. so i went with wade and all my friends.. and i felt pretty good.. but emotionally really sick.. i was so depressed even tho i was with people that care about me..
so about 2 weeks after the surgery i was feeling pretty good and im thinking to myself yes im going to be better and normal soon.. but i was wrong.. i went to the beach with rachel for 2 days in a row.. the 2nd day i got dehidrated and ruined the day.. well to me thats what i felt like ive done.. so that was a major set back.. then about 3-4weeks after i realized something was still wrong with me..
i had taken myself off the lortabs cold turkey.. which then i found out that it wasnt the smart thing to do because there addictive.. so that unknowingly caused me more pain.. so i was more depressed than i already was.. i tried taking a natural substance for anti depression.. and some people cant take it.. and i found out that i am one of those people.. i took one of them one day when i was really low.. and all the sudden my mind went blank.. i was freaking out because i could no process ne thoughts in my head.. this went on for an hour.. every 5 min my mind would just like shut off.. idn even how to explain it...
then on july 1st at 11pm i was at cindys house.. and my left ovary all the sudden was in alot of paint.. so i went to the emergency room at sisters hospital.. cindy and my mom came with me... they did another sonogram on me and a ct scan.. which showed another cyst on my ovary the size of a plum.. i was admitted into the hospital and i didnt eat from 11pm that night until 6 pm on july 2nd... almost 18 hours without food and hardly ne sleep.. by the time i got food i just threw it up i couldnt keep ne thing down.. they were giving me meds that made me feel sick.. i left there on the 4th of july at about 3 in the afternoon still with alot of ovary pain because they said it would pop...
on july 7th.. my mom went to the store and my brother left for work.. i was sitting on my couch then all the sudden my back started to hurt on the right side.. and it got so bad and i was home alone.. so i ran to my neighbors house (lucky she was home).. she gave me a heating pack and my mom was home in like 5 min.. we rushed to my drs and she said i had to go back to sisters hospital.. by the way my left ovary pain was less but still there.. the conclusion they gave me was that my kidney stone was passing.. so once again.. in the same week i was admitted into the hospital.. they did more tests and it showed that the stone was passing and i thought my cyst was shrinking.. but it grew.. to the size of a baseball like the other side did...
i was in the hospital for 4 days... getting shots for the stone and the cyst.. i felt sick to my stomach.. they told me i could have another surgery to get rid of the cyst but they put me on birth control and that was gonna shrink them.. so i decided to let the pill work.. and they said i could have surgery to remove the stone.. but he said its less painful to let it pass on its own.. so thats what i decided to let it do..
so they gave me a perscription called flowmax.. that was supposed to help the stone pass.. well they didnt tell me the side effects and i ended up having orthopetic hypotension.. i think thats what it was called... well thats when your heart races and your blood pressure dramatically changes when you stand sit or lay down.. so then i had an anxiety attack cuz i didnt no what was goin on.. they told me to go right to the hospital.. and it was so hot outside.. and we were hitting every red light.. so my mom ran a few and we flagged down a cop and he called an ambulence to give me oxygen.. we got to the hospital and they said i had a reaction to the medicine.. and i needed fluids and they gave me something to calm down.. yet another set back in this story..
so its been about a month since then.. the cyst seems to be shrinking but my ovarys still hurt bad.. i have no energy.. i cant go out for more than an hour.. i cant breathe in hot weather.. coming off all the meds is messing with my mind.. i got more tests done and my stone is still in my body and if it doesnt move in 4-6 weeks i have to have another surgery
thats all i no so far.. but thats my story.. its long yes.. because ive been through alot of shit.. and its not over yet.. but it feels good to get it all out of my system.. i dont expect for ne one to no what all that felt like and i dont want sympathy because it makes me feel bad.. i already have made people change there lives to help me and im independent and im forced not to be.. i havent been myself for months.. i just want some normalcy.. but god must be putting me through this for some reason and i guess i just have to trust him
the end.
PART 2
well im going to be continuing from my last blog that i posted.. so if you havent read that one then you prob wont fully understand this one... and this is really hard for me to write.. cuz it brings back alot of shit that i want to try to forget.
so the last place i left off was telling about what i was still going through a month ago.. well good news is things are alot better than they were
let me start off by telling you what happend 3 days after i wrote that blog.. as most of you no i was dating wade and august 10th i decided not to put up with that asshole any more... and i dont care if his friends read this n make shitty comments or tell him because i dont care.. he probily didnt tell you what really happend so you think im the shitty person.. no he was the asshole.. so i just had enuff.. im not going to go into big details bout it.. lets just say we werent right for eachother and we never were and he couldnt handle me being sick so he decided not to care.. and you think we talked since then.. no and frankly i could care less.. he hurt me mentally and made my sickness even worse.. so basically hes a shitty person.. not entirely shittty but he was bad enuff to call him that.. but since then my moods have been better and i havent felt so shitty bout myself so in the end it was a good thing..
well enuff about that.. so the next things that happend werent as bad but still sucked.. i spent alot of the time in the pool because thats the only place where the pain seemed to subside.. i was still having some minor ovary pains and bad stomache aches... but as for the kidney stone i hadnt felt it in awhile.. i dont really remember much of what happend next cuz my memories not the greatest.. except i had to go and get an upper GI done which if you dont no what that is its where they make you drink nasty shit so they can see if your digestive system works properly....so i had that done.. then later in the day all the thick fluids they gave me decided to make my kidney stone move.. it hurt like hell but i couldnt do ne thing bout it.. they said it will pass and all i could do was take some alieve.. so thats what i did and the pain eventually stopped
then about 3 weeks ago.. i was feeling okay.. it was hot out so it made it worse.. i didnt hate being in the car as much and i wasnt as paranoid.. but i still didnt do much.. i was very busy planning my graduation party at that time.. which i planned on having on sunday the 27th of august.. well the saturday before that (the 26th) it was later in the day around 4 or 5 and all the sudden i am sitting on the couch and my kidney stone starts to move like really bad.. it never hurt that bad before.. so here i am trying to figure out a way to sit to make it stop.. i take some alieve.. but that didnt work at all.. it helped none.. we call my urologist.. he says go to sisters hospital..
we get to the er and literally we got in right away.. which is a first.. they gave me a light dose of painkiller.. it did nothing but made me pee more.. then they gave me something stronger and finally it subsided alittle bit.. but i still felt it.. they decided to admit me at 9 pm.. so i ended up spending the night there just to see if it would pass..
i got released at 1030 in the morning on the 27th.. they told me i cannot move around alot and to be careful.. they gave me painkillers which was a smaller dose of what they were giving to me in my iv.. well i got home and i wanted to get up to help set up for the party.. i was still in alot of pain but i took one of the pills and it seemed to work...
i couldnt imagine a greater party.. it was very carefree and there were lots of people and nothing i mean nothing went wrong.. and my stone didnt give me much trouble.. the next morning i woke up and i was sore as hell.. so i took one of those pills.. cassie came over and we just chilled but then as time went on ... my stone started to hurt more n more.. until the pain was so bad that i was freakishly crying.. the prescription pain killers werent helping me at all.. and so i was like take me to the hospital take me to a hospital! and they wouldnt so they called the urologist again and they said they were gonna tell them to get a room for me so i could be admitted right away...
so cassie was over.. she helped me get packed and ready.. since i no all the things to bring when i go to a hospital.. so an hour had passed and it was still getting worse.. so we got to the hospital.. my bladder was bout the size of a penny so i literally had to pee 8 times.. of course they didnt call and they didnt have a room ready for me.. so here i am crying in pain and the lady had to call and find a way to get me a room.. so bout 20 min later i got a room.. i was freaking out cuz it hurt so bad.. so they gave me a shot and it helped.. but i felt so sick like nausiated.. i kept drinking my water cuz they didnt give me an iv yet.. it took them 3 hours to give me an iv.. the lady came in and she tried in 2 places and missed cuz i was so dehidrated.. so i was left with some big bruises.. then the next nurse came in and missed the first time.. but got it the 2nd..
i felt so sick.. i remember i felt like i was so high and nausiated like they over drugged me.. but my moms friend mrs gullo came to visit me and she brought fruit.. i really hadnt eaten much cuz i felt sick.. but it looked so good.. so i finally ate some and it was delicious.. but that didnt stay down too long.. bout 45 min after i felt like i was gonna puke and i did.. 4 times.. but after that i felt so much better..
the doctor came in late to tell me what was going to happen.. he said there gonna do the kidney stone surgery on me the next day if the stone doesnt pass tonight.. and i said that was a good plan.. i accually didnt have much pain at all throughout the whole night.. i didnt need a pain shot for about 8 -9 hours.. well of course the stone didnt pass that night.. so i was the last surgery for the day.. and i wasnt allowed to eat after midnight.. so my surgery was schedualed for 230..
i got into the room right on time.. i dont really member much.. thank god.. but the one guy came to talk to us and i got into the room and they stuck all these sticky things on me and they told me that the anasthetic is going to burn goin in but your out in like 15 seconds.. and they were right... it burned so bad but i slept in like 5 seconds..
the next thing i no im waking up in recovery.. i was freezing.. iw as there for about an hour.. they took me back to my room and i had to pee so bad.. my rents werent there.. so i called them and they were still in the waiting room.. so they came back .. i was all woozy.. but i had to pee.. it was the worst pee of my life.. it hurt and burned so bad i was almost freaked out it was so bad.. it was like that for 4 days...
what they did was put a stent in me.. so my tube would heal.. the day after surgery was the worst.. i dont even wanna say how bad it was.. specially when i had to pee ever half hour and had to sing to keep me calmed down..i wont even mention how many meds i was on and what i couldnt take.. and how one night i couldnt sleep because i was so medicated that i went crazy... but it did get better as the week went on.. but i had to get the 2nd part of the surgery that next tuesday..
that one was in the morning.. it wasnt bad at all.. they knocked me out again.. and i woke up and was cold again lol.. but iwas back with my mom and dad in no time.. i was starving so they gave me crackers and gingerale.. 45 min later i was out.. peeing still hurt but not as bad.. and the miracle was..i felt absolutly no pain in my right back at all.. it was like nothing ever was there.. what they told me was that the stone was stuck behind scar tissue. thats why it hurt me more and it would of never passed on its own..
as the week went on it was getting better everyday.... and here i am today.. no stone pain.. my anxiety is better.. i dont have to pee every 30 min.. but i still have some mental problems.. and bad bad stomache aches that they are going to try to figure out.. but there on the verge of getting better.. i go for more tests in like 3 weeks to make sure everythings normal..
i had alot of people who helped me through this all too.. i had alot of friends come over and spend time with me.. expecially my best friend blaine.. he did more for me than anyone ever could... and im glad i got to spend alot of time with him when i was like that and before he left.. lets just say hes amazing.. so are all my friends that come over just to sit here and do nothing with me =] i love them all <33
and im hoping that this will all be over soon so i can get back to work and lets just say my life! i no its still gonna take some time.. but keep me in your prayers.. cuz i no its not all over...
PART 3
so i just took the time and read the last blog i posted bout my sickness.. and ill start where i left off!
well after the stone i started to get better! my anxiety was going down and i didnt have to take painkillers everyday.. but then of course my story couldnt end there.. on october 2nd 2007 me and my brother went to go pick up shannon so she could come hang out and i was just at the point where getting in the car didnt bother me.. then some asshole ran a red light and hit us as we were coming back home...
thank god the worst thing that happened was that my brother got a boken nose.. he hit us then we swirved into a pole.. shannon got bruised alot and i had bruises from the seatbelt and the airbag hit me in the face and chipped my cheekbone.. we all went in ambulences just in case we were hurt but i felt fine cept my face stung real bad.. we had to lay on those flat plastic boards for 3 hours.. i was freaking out but finally the dr came and said i was fine.. i just was really sore for the next 3 days..
after that i didnt go in a car for a week.. my anxiety came back.. but i did it anyways.. now im starting to get out more and i went to a halloween party at shannons house with a cold and i was fine! i had an awsome time.. i actually felt normal.. halloween i was home handing out candy to kids then after went to chloes party and caught up with alot of old friends..
then i turned 18 on nov 3rd! my family and cindy and her dad all went to shogun to celebrate all our nov birthdays! it was an amazing time! things have just been slow since.. lots of healing.. i have a low immune system so i catch everything! but i made the decision to go on medication for my anxiety.. it was so high i was going crazy.. so i took this one pill for 6 days.. it made me so sick feeling.. so i stopped that and now im on this amazing pill that helps so much.. but other than that christmas was amazing...and things were good now that i started that pill
i didnt do anything really for new years i had a cold and i was supposed to go to cassies for a party but i didnt feel good at all.. but earlier in the day i hung out with john for the first time and it was really great even tho i had a cold.. i made a new years resilution.. which i never do.. that i would get out and become myself again!
so since new years i have been doing that! me and john hung out alot we went on a date i went to his house.. i went and got my bellybutton pierced which surprisingly brought me alot of confidence and it hurt like hell but was worth it!.. ive been hanging with andrea alot and shes been such a help! and i took the next step and now me and john are dating =] and so far its been really amazing i couldnt ask for more.. he makes me happy and hes paitent about my sickness! which i love and need..
so life has been on the upswing lately and i hope it stays that way.. only thing i gotta worry bout is getting my wisdom teeth out! which im getting done the 26th so wish me luck! and thanks for reading for those whove read the other 2 i posted!
thats just an update since febuary.. i still have to find the time to write whats been going on lately but i havent got the time now its 130 in the am
goodnight all!