..there is so much I could tell you
*Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill*
Ok, I just updated, again, and my computer erased it...GAY GAY GAY!!
I'll tell you straight out. This is freshman year on replay mode.
I'm an over obsessive idiot. I am dumb. I have bad timing. Stupid actions. Dumb Responses. I suck at liking people. Like honestly. This is that whole spiel from way back when, all over again, new guy. LIKE WHEN AM I GUNNA LEARN TO ACT LIKE THE "MATURE" PERSON I CLAIM TO BE!?
The problem, I've noticed..I think I've found a sense of "perFeCtiOn" in people I cannot read. And that is a huge problem. I need to stop acting like a fuckin 7th grader, and grow the fuck up. No wonder why the kid is in love with his ex, she must have been amazing...and well, I'm not. I know it happens.
So yeah, in all honesty, I don't want this sort of sympathy, I just wish I made a better choices when I got myself involved..in any way. Whatever.
Other than that, I have let school just become a horrible chore I'm forced to complete, I've made trees my best friend, and if I'm not fucked up, I'm not happy. I have finally realized why people live their lives on drugs, because otherwsie your not living, your pissed your here. Period. And no I'm not gunna be this loser that drops my life off to drugs, however, I'm learning why people end up the way they do. I won't end up like that, I do have goals. And believe it or not, I will end up in college one day. In all honesty, I don't want to go right out of highschool, I know this sounds gay, but I do wanna travel, I think I'm gunna take up that offer to work on the Ozzfest tour for a summer, that would be CRAZY, and I have the number, heh. So yeah, I don't know, school just...gives me a headache, in EVERY aspect.
I'm not gunna lie, I'm just sad. Flat out disappointed. In myself, because I understand the position he is in, and I know I'm not even considered a priority, or even a ThouGht, for him, which is fine.
*It's Like I caN't See AnyThiNg, NoThInG bUt YoU*
Honestly..I need to grow up, and learn how to deal with petty shit, in a non drastic manner, but no, I'm just that fuckin retarded.
I hate being a complainer. A hypocrit. An idiot.
I am everyThiNG I hAte.
I think I get so caught up so quick, because I need to like...have something to look forward to, otherwise I'm miserable..OoO, I figured it out.
I'm sick as fuck. Like I've been for weeks.
Goodnight.
*iT cAn teAr yOu uP iNsiDe*