Comments | xxphoenix: demolition man/i think the world just may be out to get me.

xxphoenix

demolition man/i think the world just may be out to get me.

Feb 21, 2005 16:17

so.
i.i'm not going to stop writing in here no matter what, though i may make it friends only. comment to be added & i'll consider adding you, once the change is made (assuming it is).
ii.even if i decide against that, i'll be making my emotional/destructive/life-altering entries friends-only. if you want a piece of the action, you might be able to ( Read more... )

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... btrflygurl7 February 22 2005, 00:05:21 UTC

you know full well that none of us want to see you gone. Honestly, the lifestyle you are living doesnt seem to be bringing you much happiness. Im sure this pisses you off that I would say that, and dont jump on me for being inconsiderate because Im not. Im simply saying that your life isnt making you happy, and rather than ending it, you could try changing it, and you have PLENTY of people to help you do that. I know that no one person can change your life. Only you can. And unless you change something, I cant really see a happy odel in the future. It will take effort, if you even want to, but tell me honestly, whats so worthwhile about it? Because Its obviously not making you happy. I could make an entire list of people that would miss you if you killed yourself. If thats what you need, by all means Ill make one and laminate it,lol. Its hard seeing you so unhappy, for everyone, which is why I think that if you value your life AT ALL, you need to find something that makes you truly happy. This is turning into a shpiel that will probobly unintentionally piss you off... Im really sorry if it does cuz what Im trying to say isnt coming off the best way...Im not telling you to change your life, just suggesting it...I think you should go to the chiropractor for your back...random I know, but it helped alot after my sledding accident... and I also think that your a strong person, strong enough to say "I have a life, and while its shitty right now, Its not worth ending." I know Im no expert on what your going through, but every person goes through a very hard time in their life, and then it comes to decision time. What are you going to do about it? change it or end it. Dont see me as naive because I have gone through a whole lot of really hard stuff too, things most people dont know about. Not what you are going through, Im not saying that, but really hard stuff. I just really hope you make the right decision, and decide to keep on kicking, because the world would be lacking alot of humor and entertainment without you.

Re: ... paradoxicchaos February 22 2005, 18:21:43 UTC

El problem:

Change is evil. As we have learned the hard way, change never results in worthwhile happiness.

But hey, Odel, whatever you do, just know I support ya, cuz I care. Caring is overrated, but still. Whatever you do, make it big. If everything has a meaning for something, make your meaning "fuck you, world."

*sudden thought*
Though don't murder puppies, because they're about the only good things left in [my] life....
And i said too much again. sorry.
~ze mel

Re: ... btrflygurl7 February 22 2005, 21:05:43 UTC

actually thats not true. change isnt always evil. think back to my ways in 9th grade,and think of who i am now..thanks but ill really have to disagree with you there. changing for the better is not evil.

Re: ... paradoxicchaos February 23 2005, 04:48:48 UTC

What I said was, change never results in worthwhile happiness. In your example, you gave up the innocence you had in ninth grade. Me, I hate giving up what I shan't have need to let go. But hey, that's my opinion.
Any change has a "good" side and a "bad" side. Except for murdering puppies. that's just cruel. But aside from that, you lose something everytime you change. THAT is evil.

Gah I did it again.

Re: ... xxphoenix February 25 2005, 16:41:03 UTC

nice name...paradoxic chaos. i like it.

but i agree with both of you, to extents. change for the better is good, but usually is too much of an effort & pissed off too many people to be worth the usually minimal final result.

Re: ... xxphoenix February 25 2005, 16:39:35 UTC

thanks, bethany. i'm not pissed or anything, i actually really appreciate you telling me all of this.

i was just tired of being ignored all the time, i guess. people don't realize how fragile i am. a kid pushed me in the hallway of friday, & i spent all of sixth seventh and eighth periods in the bathroom, too upset to come out & function.

it's hard.
you ever read the bell jar?
about how the chick goes crazy & doesn't understand why or how?
...i think i'm getting there.

Re: ... btrflygurl7 February 25 2005, 22:14:32 UTC

you put on a good facade to hide your feelings, and no I havent read that, but perhaps I should...

Glad I could help:)

Re: ... ruggerchic February 27 2005, 16:54:01 UTC

Ignored all the time? Odel sweetie 40 comments, lots of phone calls, people near tears with concern and you feel ignored??? Please realize that although you've made some changes in your life recently that only the people who never really knew you now ignore you. I hope you realize I cross my fingers count to three and open the door to theatre class everyday hoping your on the other side on your way out.

Re: ... xxphoenix February 27 2005, 19:20:13 UTC

people only care on lj. in reality, nobody bothers to look closely enough to realize that i'm wearing a mask so they can't tell what's wrong. i'm sure a lot of others do it too, but i care enough to ask someone when i see through their facade. nobody does that to me except a couple of people...& the rest are too wrapped up in their own lives to give a shit. if i can ask someone about their issues & forget my own for a few minutes, i'm sure others can too.

the ones that can't, i've stopped even bothering to consider a friend.

Re: ... ruggerchic February 27 2005, 20:25:00 UTC

do you still consider me a friend? See because I thought you wanted me to give you space. So I have. I know your hurting inside but I haven't asked you what's going on because I figured you didn't want me asking. I didn't understand why but I figured hey if she wants space I'll keep it.

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