.....................
I hate feeling like this.
I hate feeling like I'm putting on a big show to the outside world, when inside, I'm numb.
I hate feeling so shitty, that I push my family and the people that I love away.
I want to curl up in a ball, and cry until I can't do it anymore. It's almost as if I have a huge hole inside of me, and there's nothing that can fill it. I want to hide away in a corner and just..........be.
It's not like I actually like feeling like this. Or that I want to feel like this. But I don't think that I can fight the darkness anymore....at least not today, anyway.
I'm sick of pretending that everything's fine, and picking arguments with Simon, over the stupidest of reasons.
EVERYTHING'S NOT FINE.
EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY FUCKED UP.
If I had the balls to tell him that, maybe everything would be fine. But I don't, so it isn't.
So, for now, I'll continue to put on a mask, and play my usual game, and pretend that everything is fine. Because if I let my mask slip, I'm scared that my mind is going to cave in on itself, and I don't want that.
I hate feeling like I'm putting on a big show to the outside world, when inside, I'm numb.
I hate feeling so shitty, that I push my family and the people that I love away.
I want to curl up in a ball, and cry until I can't do it anymore. It's almost as if I have a huge hole inside of me, and there's nothing that can fill it. I want to hide away in a corner and just..........be.
It's not like I actually like feeling like this. Or that I want to feel like this. But I don't think that I can fight the darkness anymore....at least not today, anyway.
I'm sick of pretending that everything's fine, and picking arguments with Simon, over the stupidest of reasons.
EVERYTHING'S NOT FINE.
EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY FUCKED UP.
If I had the balls to tell him that, maybe everything would be fine. But I don't, so it isn't.
So, for now, I'll continue to put on a mask, and play my usual game, and pretend that everything is fine. Because if I let my mask slip, I'm scared that my mind is going to cave in on itself, and I don't want that.