it hurts to cry.
*sigh* its amazing how lonely a person can get.
i never knew how hard it would be to let someone that you love so much go away. i never knew that i could love a person this much or even possibly be this happy. i want to spend every morning, night, moment of my life with him. everytime i spend time with him i feel as though nothing could go wrong. its funny that i never thought this would go anywhere, but ends up being something much more than i bargained for.
............. to honestly tell you the truth, i cant really describe the way i feel right now without having to hurt someone, nor hurt myself.
theres so much to say, but so little. when i feel i can put it out into words, the words wont come out.
i dont feel complete. i feel lonely, loved, lost, confused, emotional, smitten, broken. im not who i used to be. im only angela tran when im with him. without him, im nothing. i become a wreck.
i miss the way he'd touch me passionately. the way he kissed me. the way he would look at me when i do something incredibly clumsy.
heh. its ridiculous. im so clumsy. thats not even half of it. i become nervous, shy, clumsy [i become ridiculously clumsy when i get really nervous] stupid. i always get these butterflies in my stomach everytime im standing next to him. i cant even drive with him in the car without having to almost die.
anyways...
i guess you can say the reason why im crying to much and moping around about this is because i know that the person i love the most is far from me. i cant call him up asking if he could meet me in the park because something went wrong. i mean of course i can see him when he comes back for the holidays, but its the fact that i cant touch his skin against mine when i want to.
or the fact that i cant kiss him when i want to. or when he gets hurt and i wont be there to comfort him. i cant run into his warm, welcoming hands when im hurt. or the fact that i cant smell the smell he always had on him when id snuggle deep into his chest. instead, i have to wait.
i dont want to wait. i want to be with him when i want to, and thats every moment of my life. because im in love with him so much, i want to be with him, not far from him.
i hate having to cry every night to sleep.
and im sorry if im making you feel like crap [you know who you are.] i dont mean to make you feel like crap at all. i really mean it. i just.... needed to vent and this is the only way i could vent for now. its late and i didnt want to wake you up. X__X
just know that i miss you terribly and that i love you. and i hope to see you soon babe.
i never knew how hard it would be to let someone that you love so much go away. i never knew that i could love a person this much or even possibly be this happy. i want to spend every morning, night, moment of my life with him. everytime i spend time with him i feel as though nothing could go wrong. its funny that i never thought this would go anywhere, but ends up being something much more than i bargained for.
............. to honestly tell you the truth, i cant really describe the way i feel right now without having to hurt someone, nor hurt myself.
theres so much to say, but so little. when i feel i can put it out into words, the words wont come out.
i dont feel complete. i feel lonely, loved, lost, confused, emotional, smitten, broken. im not who i used to be. im only angela tran when im with him. without him, im nothing. i become a wreck.
i miss the way he'd touch me passionately. the way he kissed me. the way he would look at me when i do something incredibly clumsy.
heh. its ridiculous. im so clumsy. thats not even half of it. i become nervous, shy, clumsy [i become ridiculously clumsy when i get really nervous] stupid. i always get these butterflies in my stomach everytime im standing next to him. i cant even drive with him in the car without having to almost die.
anyways...
i guess you can say the reason why im crying to much and moping around about this is because i know that the person i love the most is far from me. i cant call him up asking if he could meet me in the park because something went wrong. i mean of course i can see him when he comes back for the holidays, but its the fact that i cant touch his skin against mine when i want to.
or the fact that i cant kiss him when i want to. or when he gets hurt and i wont be there to comfort him. i cant run into his warm, welcoming hands when im hurt. or the fact that i cant smell the smell he always had on him when id snuggle deep into his chest. instead, i have to wait.
i dont want to wait. i want to be with him when i want to, and thats every moment of my life. because im in love with him so much, i want to be with him, not far from him.
i hate having to cry every night to sleep.
and im sorry if im making you feel like crap [you know who you are.] i dont mean to make you feel like crap at all. i really mean it. i just.... needed to vent and this is the only way i could vent for now. its late and i didnt want to wake you up. X__X
just know that i miss you terribly and that i love you. and i hope to see you soon babe.