(no subject)
life is so confusing. lately i find myself crying alot and i dont know why. like the other night at work my boss told me to clean something that i ddidnt have to, and i didnt know what i was doing and i satarted crying. and then later he asked if he made me cry. and i cried again. and whenever i would quit crying, i would be alright, and then someone would ask me a question and every time i opened my mouth to talk i would cry. yesterday work was great. other than the fact that i didnt get off until 11 30. but im okay with that. i love the hours. today work was wierd. i got there at 10 30, ate some food, and then played in the arcade and my boss told me to cloack on, and then this lady asked how much a small salad to go was, and i didnt know and i started crying. and you can be on register and cry. its so hard. and then i didnt want her to see me cry so i went to the bathroom and wiped my face. but when i came out it was still red, and my eyes were very red. so i was getting something out of the refrigerater and i dropped the whole container of grated parmesan cheese on the floor, and it freaking made me cry again. and my boss came over and was like "allyn, allyn, its alright, dont cry. you just droppped the most expensive cheese on the floor, but its seriously okay. dont cry." but it just made me cry more. i thought i was done being depressed, but i was, and now its so much worse. i dont know what is wrong with me. i wrote a letter to my mom about how i feel and everything, but she didnt really say anything, she just yelled at me about some things.sometimes i feel like everything in life is going great, and im happy and smiling and joking around, but then the next minute i feel sad, guilty, lonely, all this crap. i need to stop. nobody will want out hang out with me if i act flipping emo. i just want this summer to hurry up. i just want to get all this marriage, moving, working, and blah blah blah over with. im fucking changing my screennname. i dont know what to, but i am. something that doesnt freaking sound emo. xsomberx xtearsx is gay