(no subject)
I've hit a snag with Elliot.
She just doesn't have what it takes mentally. Her mind was blown too young too soon and now she doesn't have the focus or the capacity to train like I need her to. Plus I can't keep dealing with her rearing and throwing herself over backwards. She hurt me bad today, and I can't risk that happening everytime I get on her.
Mom wants me to focus on Maxz -- get him shaped up, get him on the track and time him, then on a long pattern, then she wants me to run him all winter at the 4D jackpots on up, then evaluate him in the spring to decide whether he's gonna make it or if I need to buy a new horse. He handles beautifully on a pattern and his money turn and home turn make me want to cry the way he gets down and drives out...I've just never been able to open him up.
I hope he works out...I can't take another year's worth of setbacks. It's just time. I need a travelling buddy too. And a new pickup...I'm going to kill myself working and running this winter, I can tell.
Tomorrow's Sam's funeral...I don't know if I can handle it.
My hip and my knee effing hurt...going to go soak in a hot tub then take an ice pack to bed with me.