(no subject)
You know that saying "What goes around, comes around"? It seems that it actually happens to be true... I never doubted it, but still. I saw my father's employer awhile ago... and he's known me since I was a baby. He was shocked as hell to see me, and stopped to talk. He was going on about how much I've grown up, and how well I seem to be taking care of myself... etc etc. Anyway, he asked me about why I left my father's house so early... (I left when I was 17). So I told him that it was more like I got kicked out. That surprised him like hell. As it turned out, my sorry excuse of a father had given him a completely different, and false, story explaining my leave.
Needless to say, he was highly pissed at the truth. After hearing all of the shit my father did to me... from turning his back on me the very day my mother passed away when I was 13, to all of the abuse (physical, mental, and emotional), the isolation, him forbidding me from having any sort of relationship with my brother... it all pissed him off to high hell. The very same day, when he got home... he called my father to work, and fired him in front of everyone.
As if that wasn't wonderful enough, I saw my father about two days ago. I was on my way somewhere (truthfully, I dont even remember what I was up to...) when I stopped at the corner because of the green light. I hadn't felt like driving, so I walked. Anyway, I looked to my left at the oncoming cars, and saw one that looked all too familiar... it was my dad's. When he passed by me, we both looked into each other's eyes for a brief, but intense moment. To me, it seemed like time itself had slowed down. But then it suddenly went back to normal, and my father had been too busy glaring at me to realize that the light had changed to red... and he drove right into oncoming traffic. Right there in the intersection, another car slammed into his. And I saw the whole thing... For awhile, I just stood in the same spot I had been the entire time, only watching. Then I slowly made my way over to the wrecked car, on the drivers side. His head was resting against the steering wheel, not moving. I wasn't sure what to think. Was he dead? No, because slowly, he lifted his head and looked at me, covering in blood. He asked me to help him.
I think I was being tested or some shit... My morals, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Either way, I couldn't see any reason for me to help him. Why should I? When I was a kid and I needed him... when I didn't have anyone else to turn to, he pushed me away and told me it was my fault my mom was dead... He didn't allow my brother to come anywhere near me, telling him that he caught us together, he would kick him out into the streets. He wouldn't be able to go to any other family... the rest of our family is either in the U.K. or Puerto Rico. For years he tormented me to the point where I came damn close to losing my sanity completely.. I stopped speaking for almost two years. I had a fucking breakdown because of him. And I learned to enjoy pain... because it was the only thing that felt real anymore. It became the only thing I was able to find comfort in.
Hell, just recently I had been visiting my mom at the cemetary... and he followed me there. He started hitting me, and then while I had been on my knees in front of the tombstone, he tried to force me down, so I had to put my hands on the ground to keep myself from lying against the ground. He put a knife to my throat and told me that I should have been the one lying there... not her. Said that she was foolish to love me so much... and that he should spill my blood right then and there as compensation for my evil.
And then he has the audacity to ask for my help... Fuck that. I threw my cell at him and told him to help his fucking self, then I turned my back on him just as he did to me. From a distance, I watched the police and ambulence arrive. Not out of concern... but mere curiousity. A police officer came to me and told me that he wanted me to go to the hospital with him. I told them that I don't know him, and that the impact must have been causing him problems. I let him go alone, just as he forced me to do.