(no subject)
I hate laying here with nothing to do.
I hate Ocala... it no longer feels like home. I don't even have any desire to see any of my old friends here. It's like I don't even care. My bed is uncomfortable and my room is now a guest room which makes me feel like I'm at some strangers house. I hate FSU but keep having to tell everyone "I love it." I want to transfer to BU but my mind is getting in my way telling me that I don't have the grades, the money or the support of my parents.
I miss Margi and talking to her. I feel stressed over nothingness. My mind is so blank that I'm not even sure what makes me happy anymore. I find myself hating more and more things rather than liking more things. I thought college was supposed to be "the best time of your life." So far... it doesn't look that way. I got a 2.94 this semester which isn't bad but made me realized that I hardly tried so IF I did try that I could do awesome... but I just don't have the want for some reason.
I feel like I'm going in circles. The school I go to and the classes I take depress me. I have this stupid dream that I'm trying to fulfill but I feel like I am only getting farther away from it by going there. I read about BU and got so excited and enthused. I noticed I hadn't been that excited in a very long time.
I CHOSE TO GO TO FSU... wtf is wrong with me? I didn't even look at schools with my interests. I just went to the best one for the cheapest price in Florida. But now I realized that none of that matters. I DO WANT TO BE IN A BIG CITY AND IN THE COLD. I want to be able to go to plays and museums and art opening... why can't I be uber rich and uber smart with parents who understood why I wanted to be there.
AND it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. It's hot..not cold. I know what I'm getting... there's no point to it anymore. The only thing keeping me in a kinda good christmas mood is knowing that SOME PRESENTS I don't know what they are :) but I would much rather go to BU and paid for then get any presents...
Aloha.
I hate Ocala... it no longer feels like home. I don't even have any desire to see any of my old friends here. It's like I don't even care. My bed is uncomfortable and my room is now a guest room which makes me feel like I'm at some strangers house. I hate FSU but keep having to tell everyone "I love it." I want to transfer to BU but my mind is getting in my way telling me that I don't have the grades, the money or the support of my parents.
I miss Margi and talking to her. I feel stressed over nothingness. My mind is so blank that I'm not even sure what makes me happy anymore. I find myself hating more and more things rather than liking more things. I thought college was supposed to be "the best time of your life." So far... it doesn't look that way. I got a 2.94 this semester which isn't bad but made me realized that I hardly tried so IF I did try that I could do awesome... but I just don't have the want for some reason.
I feel like I'm going in circles. The school I go to and the classes I take depress me. I have this stupid dream that I'm trying to fulfill but I feel like I am only getting farther away from it by going there. I read about BU and got so excited and enthused. I noticed I hadn't been that excited in a very long time.
I CHOSE TO GO TO FSU... wtf is wrong with me? I didn't even look at schools with my interests. I just went to the best one for the cheapest price in Florida. But now I realized that none of that matters. I DO WANT TO BE IN A BIG CITY AND IN THE COLD. I want to be able to go to plays and museums and art opening... why can't I be uber rich and uber smart with parents who understood why I wanted to be there.
AND it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. It's hot..not cold. I know what I'm getting... there's no point to it anymore. The only thing keeping me in a kinda good christmas mood is knowing that SOME PRESENTS I don't know what they are :) but I would much rather go to BU and paid for then get any presents...
Aloha.