So much has fucking happened

[xxmannie143xx]

So lets see here. Jeff and I have broken up... I hate the feelings that I'm feeling right now. I want him back so badly. But I guess I have to move on. There is no chance of us getting back together. And Im dating John but feeling bad that I'm with him having these feelings for Jeff, I really shouldn't have them. But hey you tell me that if you were with someone for 4 months, and all you did really was hang out with him, or talked to him, you wouldn't feel this way? I love him, and I can't let that feeling go. I know that we have had our share of up's and down's and how I hope this is an other one, but something tells me that this one isn't. Jeff I know that I did you wrong and I dont want to hurt you anymore. John I know that I shouldn't be leading you on. But right now I still have strong feelings for Jeff and I'm sorry about this, but it feels like I'm just using you to get over Jeff, when I really don't want to get over him. I guess I love him more than I thought. I just need some alone time right now. And I'm sorry if I hurt you again. But thats just how I feel. The whole point of a journal is to express your true feelings. To say things that you can't say out loud. So thats what I'm using this for, for now on. But I'm warning you all right now, my feelings are I LOVE JEFFERY ALLEN DIER. And I'm a fuck up, I fucked up my life by losing him. I need him back in it, and I don't know if I want to be with anyone else. I don't know how long it's going to take me to get over Jeff. But I just don't want to get over Jeff. He's the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one that I will love no matter what, and I don't want anything else there to stop us, until god *yes I said it god* ends one of our lives. We'll I'm going to go upstairs and wait for the meaningful phone call.

*Muahz Amanda