(no subject)
I'm a follower, so what?
Here goes..
Some of these will more than likely never be read by the people they are to, but maybe it’s better off that way. After all, this is for me, not you.
1. You’ve been a part of my life for what seems like forever. We go weeks without talking to each other, yet when I hear the term “best friend” you are one of the people that comes to mind first. I used to tell you everything, and vice versa. Now, I’m afraid to hear your opinion of me and what I do, because I always seem to be doing something wrong. I can’t open up to you anymore, and I hate it. I want to be able to tell you everything, and I mean everything that’s going on in my life, but I just can’t do it. As childish as it sounds, I’m scared that I might disappoint you. Although I may not show it, your opinion means everything to me, and it always has. A couple years ago, back when I was such a hard ass and I never let anyone see me cry, you were the only one who had that power over me. Everything could be falling down around me, but I’d still manage to keep a smile on my face, no matter how fake it was. Yet if you were angry with me, I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do with myself. One time in particular, we got into a fight and I was horribly upset. It was the first time even some of my closest friends had ever seen me cry. I remember going to your house at 2 in the morning and talking for hours, and you wrapping your arms around me and wiping away my tears. It was then when I felt as if everything was okay again. You have no idea what you mean to me, or what an incredible guy you are. I love you. ♥
2. You’re like a little sister to me. I’ve watched you grow up and it upsets me more than anything to know that I’ve missed out on so many things. I am very grateful for all of the time I’ve been able to spend with you; I just wish I could see you more often. Just remembering all the countless times we’ve laughed until we couldn’t breathe and had tears rolling down our faces puts the biggest smile on my face. I love you more than life itself and I’m always here for you.
3. I don’t think you’re aware that I’ve opened up to you more than I have ever opened up to anyone. You know more about me than any other person on this earth, yet you have never judged me for it. I feel like I can come to you with anything, and you’ll always understand. You accept me, and all my imperfections, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me. Just being around you makes me feel better about myself; it sincerely makes me happy. You allow me to have fun, when it seems like I forgot how to do so. I’m grateful to have someone like you in my life, because without you who knows where I’d be. You’re amazing and I love you.
4. I have an unbelievable amount of anger and resentment towards you. You stole my childhood away from me, and you are the reason I was forced to grow up so fast. You will never fully understand the pain I went through because of your choices. Every action you took, every mistake you made, had an impact on my life, whether you saw it or not. You’re selfish, and you always have been. I can’t ‘forgive and forget’ and I probably never will be able to. (Not that you have EVER once apologized, and not that I ever expect you too.) I’m aware of the fact that it’s unhealthy for me to be so angry, so when I see you I try to think of the good times, as few and far between as they may be. I can’t help but to be scared every time I look at you though. I am so afraid that no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I’m going to become just like you. I can honestly say that’s my biggest fear.
5. I’ve been noticing changes in you lately. You may think you’re good at hiding it, but you’re not. The people that are closest to you have realized what’s going on, and want nothing more than to help you, and be there for you. I’m afraid to try and talk to you about it because I know you all too well, and I know you’ll deny it. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. I love you, and I’m always here if you need someone to lean on.
6. Although we pretend to be as close as we used to be, I think we both know the fact is that we’re not. You’re still one of my best friends, and you always will be, but things just aren’t the same as they were in the past. You can be very judgmental at times, and when I need someone to talk to I feel as though I can’t go to you with most of my problems because I’m scared of your opinion. I know your intentions are good, but sometimes I just need someone that will listen to me, rather than make judgments. Regardless, you know I love you, and always will.
7. You are quite possibly the most stubborn person I have ever met in my entire life. You can’t ever admit that you’re wrong, and I used to hate you for it. I’ve now grown to accept that you have always been like that, and always will be. I’ve learned to love you for it, and I wouldn’t have you any other way. You are very strong, but under that tough exterior is a beautiful, caring person, and I am so thankful that I got to know her. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs, but only grew- and continue to grow closer from them.
8. You’re great…and I love you. But sometimes I just feel like I never know what’s going on in your life. It’s like, we’ll hang out one night and I’ll find out all this shit about you that I never knew. I don’t want it to be like that between us, where we have to “catch up” every so often.
9. I opened up to you and showed you a part of me that no one else knew, and you backed away. You weren’t there for me when I needed you most, when I needed you more than anyone else. Although it still hurts, I’ve moved on, and I’ve accepted your apology. Whether you’d admit it or not, I know you better than any other person in your life. I know the real you, the one that lies behind your tough guy image, the one you’ve never let anyone else see. That guy is amazing, and that’s who you truly are. Your choices however, don’t reflect that. You are leading a destructive life for yourself, and you are so much better than that. You once told me that I deserved better than you, well…the REAL you deserves better than your actions.
10. (I highly doubt you’ll ever read this…) You really are a great guy, and sometimes you’re just way too hard on yourself. I feel the need to apologize again for some of my actions and for a few things I’ve said out of anger and frustration in the past. When someone hurts my feelings, which is hard to do, (and I know it wasn’t intentional) my first reaction is to make them feel even worse. I’m sorry for that.
11. It’s so crazy to think that two people could be apart for so long, then see each other again and pick up exactly where they left off, but that’s what we did. I was afraid that we had both changed too much over time and things wouldn’t be the same. I was proved wrong. I only wish we could go back in time, back to when we were inseparable, or “joined at the hip”.
12. You act nice to people’s face, but then talk shit behind their back. You wanna be everybody’s best friend, but the second they aren’t there you’re the first person to talk. I know you do it to me, but for some reason it doesn’t even bother me anymore, I just wish you’d grow up.
13. I miss the way things used to be. Our friendship was very important to me, and at times it was the only thing that kept me stable. I felt as though I could trust you with my life. Every time I had a problem, no matter how trivial, you were the first person I would go to. It hurts now to look at you and see an acquaintance, rather than the unbelievably close friend you used to be.
14. I don’t see you as often as I’d like to, but when I am around you I can’t help but notice certain things. Sometimes I think you change your personality in order to please the people you are with. If someone doesn’t accept you for who you are then fuck them, they don’t deserve your friendship. You shouldn’t have to change yourself for ANYONE. You’re wonderful the way you are, and you should never let another person, especially a guy, make you think otherwise. Love you…
15. You don’t understand me, and you most likely never will. You act as though you do, and I hate that. When I try to open up and talk to you about things it just goes through one ear and out the other. You hear me, but you never really listen. After so many times of opening up and not getting anything back I am eventually going to shut down. I’ve tried to tell you that. Everything you say and do is only pushing me farther away. All I have received from you is negativity, therefore that’s all I’ve given back. It’s all I know. You’re constantly reminding me of everything I do wrong. You take my flaws and mistakes and shove them in my face, as if I’m not aware of them already. Maybe one day you’ll realize that I am my own person, and I am fully capable of being in control of my life. I’m just afraid that by then it will be too late, and there will be nothing left of our relationship to salvage.
Here goes..
Some of these will more than likely never be read by the people they are to, but maybe it’s better off that way. After all, this is for me, not you.
1. You’ve been a part of my life for what seems like forever. We go weeks without talking to each other, yet when I hear the term “best friend” you are one of the people that comes to mind first. I used to tell you everything, and vice versa. Now, I’m afraid to hear your opinion of me and what I do, because I always seem to be doing something wrong. I can’t open up to you anymore, and I hate it. I want to be able to tell you everything, and I mean everything that’s going on in my life, but I just can’t do it. As childish as it sounds, I’m scared that I might disappoint you. Although I may not show it, your opinion means everything to me, and it always has. A couple years ago, back when I was such a hard ass and I never let anyone see me cry, you were the only one who had that power over me. Everything could be falling down around me, but I’d still manage to keep a smile on my face, no matter how fake it was. Yet if you were angry with me, I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do with myself. One time in particular, we got into a fight and I was horribly upset. It was the first time even some of my closest friends had ever seen me cry. I remember going to your house at 2 in the morning and talking for hours, and you wrapping your arms around me and wiping away my tears. It was then when I felt as if everything was okay again. You have no idea what you mean to me, or what an incredible guy you are. I love you. ♥
2. You’re like a little sister to me. I’ve watched you grow up and it upsets me more than anything to know that I’ve missed out on so many things. I am very grateful for all of the time I’ve been able to spend with you; I just wish I could see you more often. Just remembering all the countless times we’ve laughed until we couldn’t breathe and had tears rolling down our faces puts the biggest smile on my face. I love you more than life itself and I’m always here for you.
3. I don’t think you’re aware that I’ve opened up to you more than I have ever opened up to anyone. You know more about me than any other person on this earth, yet you have never judged me for it. I feel like I can come to you with anything, and you’ll always understand. You accept me, and all my imperfections, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me. Just being around you makes me feel better about myself; it sincerely makes me happy. You allow me to have fun, when it seems like I forgot how to do so. I’m grateful to have someone like you in my life, because without you who knows where I’d be. You’re amazing and I love you.
4. I have an unbelievable amount of anger and resentment towards you. You stole my childhood away from me, and you are the reason I was forced to grow up so fast. You will never fully understand the pain I went through because of your choices. Every action you took, every mistake you made, had an impact on my life, whether you saw it or not. You’re selfish, and you always have been. I can’t ‘forgive and forget’ and I probably never will be able to. (Not that you have EVER once apologized, and not that I ever expect you too.) I’m aware of the fact that it’s unhealthy for me to be so angry, so when I see you I try to think of the good times, as few and far between as they may be. I can’t help but to be scared every time I look at you though. I am so afraid that no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I’m going to become just like you. I can honestly say that’s my biggest fear.
5. I’ve been noticing changes in you lately. You may think you’re good at hiding it, but you’re not. The people that are closest to you have realized what’s going on, and want nothing more than to help you, and be there for you. I’m afraid to try and talk to you about it because I know you all too well, and I know you’ll deny it. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. I love you, and I’m always here if you need someone to lean on.
6. Although we pretend to be as close as we used to be, I think we both know the fact is that we’re not. You’re still one of my best friends, and you always will be, but things just aren’t the same as they were in the past. You can be very judgmental at times, and when I need someone to talk to I feel as though I can’t go to you with most of my problems because I’m scared of your opinion. I know your intentions are good, but sometimes I just need someone that will listen to me, rather than make judgments. Regardless, you know I love you, and always will.
7. You are quite possibly the most stubborn person I have ever met in my entire life. You can’t ever admit that you’re wrong, and I used to hate you for it. I’ve now grown to accept that you have always been like that, and always will be. I’ve learned to love you for it, and I wouldn’t have you any other way. You are very strong, but under that tough exterior is a beautiful, caring person, and I am so thankful that I got to know her. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs, but only grew- and continue to grow closer from them.
8. You’re great…and I love you. But sometimes I just feel like I never know what’s going on in your life. It’s like, we’ll hang out one night and I’ll find out all this shit about you that I never knew. I don’t want it to be like that between us, where we have to “catch up” every so often.
9. I opened up to you and showed you a part of me that no one else knew, and you backed away. You weren’t there for me when I needed you most, when I needed you more than anyone else. Although it still hurts, I’ve moved on, and I’ve accepted your apology. Whether you’d admit it or not, I know you better than any other person in your life. I know the real you, the one that lies behind your tough guy image, the one you’ve never let anyone else see. That guy is amazing, and that’s who you truly are. Your choices however, don’t reflect that. You are leading a destructive life for yourself, and you are so much better than that. You once told me that I deserved better than you, well…the REAL you deserves better than your actions.
10. (I highly doubt you’ll ever read this…) You really are a great guy, and sometimes you’re just way too hard on yourself. I feel the need to apologize again for some of my actions and for a few things I’ve said out of anger and frustration in the past. When someone hurts my feelings, which is hard to do, (and I know it wasn’t intentional) my first reaction is to make them feel even worse. I’m sorry for that.
11. It’s so crazy to think that two people could be apart for so long, then see each other again and pick up exactly where they left off, but that’s what we did. I was afraid that we had both changed too much over time and things wouldn’t be the same. I was proved wrong. I only wish we could go back in time, back to when we were inseparable, or “joined at the hip”.
12. You act nice to people’s face, but then talk shit behind their back. You wanna be everybody’s best friend, but the second they aren’t there you’re the first person to talk. I know you do it to me, but for some reason it doesn’t even bother me anymore, I just wish you’d grow up.
13. I miss the way things used to be. Our friendship was very important to me, and at times it was the only thing that kept me stable. I felt as though I could trust you with my life. Every time I had a problem, no matter how trivial, you were the first person I would go to. It hurts now to look at you and see an acquaintance, rather than the unbelievably close friend you used to be.
14. I don’t see you as often as I’d like to, but when I am around you I can’t help but notice certain things. Sometimes I think you change your personality in order to please the people you are with. If someone doesn’t accept you for who you are then fuck them, they don’t deserve your friendship. You shouldn’t have to change yourself for ANYONE. You’re wonderful the way you are, and you should never let another person, especially a guy, make you think otherwise. Love you…
15. You don’t understand me, and you most likely never will. You act as though you do, and I hate that. When I try to open up and talk to you about things it just goes through one ear and out the other. You hear me, but you never really listen. After so many times of opening up and not getting anything back I am eventually going to shut down. I’ve tried to tell you that. Everything you say and do is only pushing me farther away. All I have received from you is negativity, therefore that’s all I’ve given back. It’s all I know. You’re constantly reminding me of everything I do wrong. You take my flaws and mistakes and shove them in my face, as if I’m not aware of them already. Maybe one day you’ll realize that I am my own person, and I am fully capable of being in control of my life. I’m just afraid that by then it will be too late, and there will be nothing left of our relationship to salvage.