(no subject)
what a terrible semester I have had, I've been worked to the point of mental and physical exhaustions and that was weeks ago and now I'm just trying to keep myself focused enough to get enough work done to get on academic probation lose my scholarships and try to pick it back up from there and on top of just how truly crappy getting through this semester has been the love of my life decided he didnt want to be with me, well that shit will fuck anyone up me especially and especially if you know the terriblely long and miserable story that has been my love life, I know somethings will be better once I suffer through the rest of this semester and somethings I'm not so sure of...you can't go backwards and you can't take things back and most importantly you can't make other people take back the empty promises that they have made to you over the years you can understand that those promises aren't going to come true but you can't forget that they were made or help thinking what id would be like if they did keep their promises I think I need to just stop believing when someone tells me things or wants me to do stuff I don't want to do, Its so funny how someone can just shatter all your dreams then ask you to go through hell while they are too busy to even think about you and then after all the bullshit you went through for it just want to leave you because they cant handle it oh but when I couldnt I did anyway and what has it gotten me? I'm alone on the verge of being single and definately not engaged to the person I still think about all the time, no one should ever say they want to marry someone if they dont its such a powerful thing and people just throw it around like sure that sounds like it would be fun but first let me focus all my time on this career where it de0prives me of everything else well I don't care if you might be a big actor some day I care about today and today I can't get any of your time and I don''t get to spend any time with you I'm so fucking sick of hearing about how much fun your having with out me while you leave me here to rot I never should have loved you I never should have let you in my life I never should have thought that things would change or not realized at your base you a selfish selfish 0person all my friends said they aren't stu0pid enough to date an actor well why the fuck was I i'm so done I'm not here to be drained of all I have for you your a selfish ass muther fucker and I ho0pe you get whats coming to you I really fucking do I don't deserve this and you certainly don't deserve me fuck you you douche bag grow the fuck up but you can still lose my number!!!!! I can't believe I ever wanted to marry you, you fucking suck!!!!!