fuckedup
Maybe I've just learned to hide it so well
that it isn't obvious to anyone but Julia now
but I
need my space
Maybe there are a million things running through my mind
that I just want to forget
but can't
so I wait until they are gone
Maybe you don't understand what kind of person I am
what kind of personality I have
I need independence
I need to be able to make my own decisions
I don't like order
I don't like systems
I like complete and absolute chaos
So yeah
Maybe I've been with my friends alot this week
Maybe I've been having a good time with others
Maybe I wanted to just sit and be real
Maybe I needed a little bit of saving
So before you get angry
before you start to yell
before you start to hate anyone
remember one little thing
I need alone time sometimes.
yeah I hate my house
my mom
the general feeling of this house
but sometimes I find solice here
sometimes my friends bring me what no one else can
sometimes they are my escape
so before you complain
about the one week
that I fucking needed
one week
to myself
to think
to not think
to be with my best friend who needed me
to be with another close friend who also
needed that helpful shoulder
to be with myself
who needed a good cry more than anyone else
so before you complain
throw a fit
and make me feel like shit
know
that I can be a dick
an asshole
a fucking bitch to the core
and maybe, I didn't want that to rub off with you
on a week where I felt like general shit
and was being
a dick
an asshole
a fucking bitch to the core
so yeah
I read what you wrote
what you could write to the whole world
but not speak to me in words or writing
just to everyone else
because everyone else is what matters the most
well here is my peace
I am not sorry for spending a week
to collect my thoughts
to see my friends
to give them support
and take theirs when needed
I am not sorry for any time spent with them.
I am sorry for upsetting you.
I am sorry for not being able to explain
what I needed
when I needed it
and why I needed it
I still can't explain
But I know this blog will only
cause you to be more upset
I apologize for that too
it's immature to post it here
where everyone can read
but I don't care
I think everyone should know
how completely
and totally
fucked up
I have
become.
because I really am just fucked up.