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Things are not good at all
I can't even explain, because there is nothing to explain
It's an overall feeling, and I don't know how much longer I can fight it. I am not fighting it any longer, because there is no ounce of energy in me.
I want to stop eating so I can just fade away...
I can't even explain, because there is nothing to explain
It's an overall feeling, and I don't know how much longer I can fight it. I am not fighting it any longer, because there is no ounce of energy in me.
I want to stop eating so I can just fade away...
If you keep your mind open and let people see a little of yourself, I believe you will find more in common with your classmates than you expect. All young people feel unsure and unhappy at times, and it's hard to find the things that please you (although it tends to be easier for people who settle for the mundane). Some people achieve this without counseling or medication, but many, many others need a little help. Have just a little hope for your future. You deserve it. We all do.
Please don't be afraid to talk to a counselor or ask your parents or another caring adult for help. There are thousands of people who will talk with you any time, day or night, when you are struggling. If people seem uncaring, remember: they have not read your journal, so they don't know how much you are hurting. One glimpse at your LJ makes it clear, but they cannot see this. Tell them forcefully. Don't sugar-coat it. Press the issue. Make them help you. Hell, if nothing else works, give them the link. Don't be ashamed; in a way you are already helping others by writing here and staying strong.
After reading a few of your entries, I felt the need to create an account just to say these things to you. I hope you don't mind. Your writing is compelling.
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I am really stressed over here because in three days I have a paper due, project due, and 4 huge exams. But your comment made me smile knowing that my "writing was compelling" enough to cause somebody to actually make a livejournal to comment. Thank you.
I take all the words you say to heart, because I can tell that you truly mean them. I understand a lot of the things you are saying. But I am too confused right now.
Thank you so much, and I don't mind at all. Feel free to keep in touch. Take care.
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I don't know if there are suicide notes all over the "blogosphere" (god I hate that word), but I only did what any decent human would do when I found yours. No big deal.
So you have a paper, a project, and 4 exams huh?
Guess what... in a couple of weeks, they will all be behind you.
Think about it. Each week / month / year brings new challenges, and then they are gone. History. Sounds depressing at first, as if it never ends, but recall how many weeks / months / years you have faced similar challenges, and you came through. You confronted each one, took care of business, and moved on to the next one. Did you get an "A" on every assignment? Probably not... doesn't matter. 90% of success in life is just showing up. Did you flunk a test or screw up a homework assignment in high school? Probably. Does anyone ever ask you about it? Of course not. You graduated. The rest is useless details.
If you honestly have more work this semester than you can handle, here's a suggestion: prioritize. Pick one of your exams that you can afford to blow off. Maybe it's an easy class, or maybe it's one that is so hard you might just have to take it again next semester. The world won't stop turning if you fail one test, or even if you fail a class. So you took too many hours this semester... big deal. After you graduate, I can almost promise you no one will ever ask about it. And if someone does, he's an idiot. It's history. Give yourself a pass on one project or one exam to spare the others. And next semester, take less hours. College can be easy, difficult, or impossible. It's totally up to you.
Do you know only about 20% of all Americans get college degrees? Most college students don't realize how much they have set themselves apart by just getting to college and staying there. Give yourself some credit for accomplishing this. If you are having trouble keeping up, take five years. Again, it's not the end of the world.
Savor these years. Have a little fun. Relax. Life after college has its own challenges and rewards, but you can deal with those when you get there, just like you have dealt with grade school, middle school, and high school. One step at a time, you will understand yourself and the people around you just a little better every year.
Do you know more than you knew as a freshman in high school? In fifth grade? Of course you do. And you will have even more understanding next year, and the year after that. About what? You can't know until you get there. That's the funny thing about life... we don't know what we don't know. At a minimum, you are learning to survive. In time, you will learn how to enjoy living. Give it a chance. Wait. Show up. It gets better.
You are obviously a smart young lady, and I think you know in your heart that you can do this. It's fine to keep an eye on the exit; we all do this. But there is more than one exit. You can blow off studying for one test. Drop a class. Take an extra semester. Change majors. Quit college altogether and pursue your dreams in another way.
Make your life what you want it to be. Disregard the expectations heaped on you by parents and friends. Your parents just want you to have choices, and your friends are looking out for themselves. Hell, many of them will just disappear after graduation. Take your time and figure out what will make you happy. Change your mind later. No problem. Enjoy.
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